I just returned from Nila's memorial/celebration of life at the Legion. Her children invited us to an exceptional luncheon & then we shared memories. I hesitated to speak. I was afraid I would sound too serious or "heavy" & be out of sync with the event.
In our next book club event, we are reading Women Rowing North...in it Mary Pipher says:
" Eventually, one way or another, we will say goodbye to everyone we love."
Nila & I could discuss this & and so very much together.
I am saying goodbye today to one of my dearest friends. I didn't want to cry in front of everyone.
Since I can't contact Nila in my usual ways, I can still picture her, hear her voice & feel our connection.
You all have written here of her courage, warmth, hospitality, wit, wisdom, class, grace. And all the rest that combine to make her such a great lady. I think of her as a bride grinning & elegant. Love you girlfriend. You have touched my heart. You will not be forgotten.
Thanks to Joel, Keith, Rita and the entire family for this intimate & touching send off for dear Nila.
Suzanne
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An adventurist, positive lady & a big smile for everyone. So proud of her 2 grandsons & always reporting on their activities.
It will always be a great memory of Bob & Nila’s “renewal of their vows” during a Mammoth ski trip & weather didn’t prevent the event.
Many positive memories that I truly believe she would want us to carry forward along with a hug for all!
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2025, Zabb Thai Cuisine, West Coast Highway, Newport Beach, CA, USA
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Nila was ahead of me a few years on the path “Rowing North” I will miss her lighting the path with her generosity of spirit, her warmth, wit and wisdom A lady with class and grace.
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Long time friend Nila Bender Kyser recently passed away. We remember her bright presence.
Nila's friends are warmly invited to a memorial luncheon on Thursday, March 19. Please be in touch by email to KyserBender@gmail.com for specifics.
In response to "What made Nila different from most people you know?"
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John and I loved reading Nila's very thoughtful holiday 'letters' every year during the holidays. She not only shared her family's happenings that year, but also her thoughts on the world's events with her hopes for the future. This photo was from her 1999 letter describing Bob & Nila's trip to Australia /New Zealand/Fiji. They happily traveled all over the world to ski and they did manage to ski two days in New Zealand on this 1999 trip.
John and I skiied with them on many of their ski trips. I first skiied with them on a Christmas trip in 1987, almost 50 years ago. I took my kiddo daughter with me on their ski trip to Mt. Bachelor, which they led for the Balboa Ski Club. Bob & Nila always remembered and recounted the amusing event when a local reporter 'interviewed' my 9 year old to ask how she liked the ski trip. Even as Bob's memory declined, he would comically mimic my daughter's carefree response to the news reporter.
We always admired Nila for her courage, intelligence, warmth, and hospitality. She suffered through early tragedy with the death of her first husband and son. The strength she showed was remarkable and perhaps it gave her a lifetime 'attitude of gratitude'. This strength served her well through many years of later 'caretaking'.
She was so proud of her sons Joel & Keith as well as her blended family - Bob's daughter Linda and son Bob. She talked with such pride, all the time, of her grandsons Ethan and Noah.
Nila and Bob were a truly matched and wonderful couple. They will forever be in our hearts.
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Nila, such a dear friend..
Your sharp wit, Your sense of humor, Your thoughtful and caring comments. Lucygne and I will hope to fill the emptiness in our hearts...Such a great lady...
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Darling Nila, We will all miss you and treasure our memories of you. Skiing at Mammoth, going to dinner with you and your Bob apres skiing. Sharing trips with you and Bob to China, The Panama Canal, Tuscany and Death Valley. Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners with our two families where you and Bob told about your “elevated experience “ at Mt. Whitney when Bob proposed to you. Comical reinactments of your wedding vows at Mammoth on the mountain. All this and all the parties and birthday lunches we shared with you and our friends. Loved telling our stories at Book Club, which Bob called “ Boob Club!” Doug and I can’t think of a kinder, more fun loving and nicer lady than Nila Kyser. Our condolences to her dear family.
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Nila was a great friend and I will miss her. Most of my memories involve skiing with her and Bob. The renewal of their vows every year at Mammoth and the parties at their house. She was a lot of fun and always upbeat and smiling.
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Some memories of Nila…..
always smiling with a twinkle in her eye…. Even when physically challenged always positive and caring about others…. So many memories of her with Bob… Such perfect soulmates. So much laughter and commitment with those two. I’d like to believe that they are together right now renewing their vows at the top of the mountain. Yes… that is an easy vision for me.
Donna
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My condolences to Nila's family. To Joel, Rita, Keith, he grandsons....evan & Noah
We were like sisters. I had tremendous respect for her thru so very many trials....doctor appointments for herself & for Bob for so any years. Maybe Nila was ready with all the breathing problems, et al.....She's had such a magnificent life, 2 wonderful marriages...a strong career as a clinical psychologist and UC Riverside pofessor. She will always inspire me. I will always love her.
Suzanne Goldman
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Nila will live on in my memories of times we shared...she was a truly wonderful and compassionate friend and neighbour. Mel and I enjoyed spending time with her and Bob both at their home and ours. We are already missing her..ruth
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We are very sorry to hear of Nila’s passing. She’s been a special friend and neighbor for many, many years in Lido Sands. She has spread joy & love to all who know her. Our condolences to the family who we know & love.
Much love to all of you at this difficult time.
Shirley & Greg Reinker
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