On December 25th 2023 @ approx 3 AM in a suburb of Portland Oregon my daughter Nicole left her physical body & joined our ancestors in the spirit realm. She was ready to move on. I know some of you would argue that she didn't mean to, but she did and left a note saying so. Nicole is now considered what my grief group calls "Forever 36" f36, the age she was at death and is considered the age she will be always. It took me a while to figure that out. Nicole hasn't left my head or my heart even prior to her passing. I did not know where she was for years. I assumed she was around the Portland Oregon area. Nicole hated me and I was ok with that. My daughter's drug abuse took her away from us years before, and honestly I couldn't say exactly when. The distance between Pennsylvania and Oregon was much greater than I ever thought. Even video calls with her & the kids wasn't enough to see what was happening. I didn't speak to my daughter for almost 2 yrs before her death. Nicole's bf shared writings that Nicole wrote, saying not to use narcan and do not resuscitate her. In her note she wrote how much she hated me. She hated me because I told the court that she was a danger to herself and the kids. I told the court that if they didn't put her in jail, she would die from the drugs. And she did. I hear her in my head everyday, saying I love you mama. Every single day!