It hurts so much when you lose a loved one.  In my case it was my mother who got covid and was placed in a hospital in the northeast.  I was never able to see her as the place she was staying in would not allow me to visit her or talk to her on the phone.  Don't ever do this to  your loved one.  The hurt from that is still with me and it is so hard to deal with.  It just seemed like a bad dream and it never goes away.  I just miss her so much!!!