Oh baby, I miss you more than words could ever begin to say! My life ended the day I lost you! You were the most perfect person I've ever known. You were everything a good human being should be! You were 100% good! You made my life worth living!! You weren't just perfect for me you were literally perfect! You loved everyone without conditions, you were generous, loyal, kind, compassionate, empathetic, intelligent, insightful, supportive, loving, and so much more! Heaven has enough angels WHY did it need to take mine!?!? 

You brought me nearly 19 beautiful years of joy and happiness. I love and miss every single thing about you every moment of every day! I'm so MADLY IN LOVE with you and just want you back. My life has totally fallen apart since losing you and I worry that if you're watching what's been happening to me that it's making you sad. I don't want you to be sad!! But, I am totally alone. I have absolutely no one. Even your mom didn't call me one single time. The people closest to us have totally abandoned me and worse still many of them have hurt me, taken advantage of me, and betrayed me. You were definitely my only true friend and the love you had for me was immeasurable. I miss being loved by you!! You were so beautiful in every way! We never had one single fight and we were always kind to each other. I wish more people could be like us! I've seen very little kindness since you've been gone. The kindness I have seen has come from near total and total strangers! Imagine that!? 

My heart is so broken I know it'll only heal when we are reunited. My very soul aches just thinking about going through the rest of my life without you and your love by my side. I really don't think I can do it. 

I have never needed you more!! I'm so lonely without you! I really thought your mom and family loved me but they all just stopped reaching out shortly after your life celebration. I lost power, my phone (twice), cable, internet, and running water. I had no transportation until recently. People knew and yet no one came by to check on me. I had Covid for six weeks, then pneumonia, then bronchitis and more recently gallstones, kidney stones, and now I've been diagnosed with Lupus. It makes me miss your warm and tender cuddles that much more!

Ohhhh, and your amazing smile & the way you'd look at me! I need all of it back. It's such an awful feeling to be so madly in love with someone you can't see, touch, smell, or hear. :(

I am going to get justice for what happened to you but I just haven't had it in me yet.  I promise I will get it done! 

It's almost your birthday which has triggered my deep grief for the last few weeks. It feels like I've lost you all over again when I wake up every morning. Oh what I wouldn't give to feel you laying next to me again! I miss you and all of our kitties so much! I miss our life together! Please, find a way back to me!! I simply don't think I'll make it too much longer without you! My heart hurts so much every single moment. All the joy is gone because you were my joy! 

It's been really rough these past weeks leading up to your birthday! I have no $$ to do anything special and absolutely no one to share the day with to celebrate beautiful you! It kills me that I still can't afford an urn, your thumbprint on a piece of jewelry, or any of the memorial things I've wanted to do for you. But, someday (if I'm still here), I am going to fill our home with your pictures, I'm going to fill our flower garden with memorials, and I am going to tell out story to the world! 

My beautiful boy, I'm sorry to write all of this painful stuff because I never want you to hurt or to be sad. But, I have no one else to talk to. I don't know how to live without you!!! I will love you forever and there will NEVER be another! You ARE my soulmate and you always have been! From the moment we met we knew we'd be together forever! We may not have been able to afford to get married but we never cared, huh? You were my forever husband in every sense of the word and I am your forever wife!! I know you're out there somewhere and I know you've come to visit me. I hope you can remain by my side till we are once again in each other's arms surrounded by all our kitties and your Bart & Penny! 

I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU & I WILL NEVER, EVER, STOP LOVING YOU! YOUR LOVE FOR ME HAS BEEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER KNOWN!! I SIMPLY CANNOT WAIT TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN!! LOVE YOU FOREVER!!