Happy birthday dad. I miss you so so much, I just wish you were still here. Sometimes I forget you're gone, I'll see a blue sports car on the road and for a split second I'll question if it's you and wonder why you're in town.

 When I see tadpoles in a pond or lake I think about how there must be some little frogs in the pond in your backyard. 

When I go into stores and see those 3-d metal or wooden puzzles I think about how you always had one or two in your garage for me to put together in the morning while we have applejacks and watch cartoons. 

My friend is buying a new mountain bike and it reminded me of how excited you were when you got your custom one and took me on a big bike ride and how my tires slipped on the gravel. 

I can't have cotton candy ice cream without thinking about the shops in Long Beach and I can't have salt water taffy without thinking about sharing them with you, we'd get a huge bag and I'd always pick out the pear ones and when you'd ask me to pass you some I'd give you the ones that I didn't like all that much (but you never complained). 

I miss going swimming and riding home on your motorcycle, my hair would be completely dry by the time our ride was over. 

last summer I got a hammock to lay in and watch the stars but it want nearly as comfy as the one at your house and the stars weren't nearly as bright as they were when you were with me. 

I miss your bear rug (I can't remember if it was real bear or not) but I know that it was my favorite spot to sit. I'm going to make sure I have one for my future house. 

I miss the weird colorful lemer thing sculpture you had on the desk in the living room and the big painting you had in the dining room.

I wish I could call you when I get stressed out and I wish I could complain to you about my teachers. I wish that I could show you my art. I wish that I could still spend Christmas Eve with you and wake you up in the morning by jumping on your marshmallow bed and when you told me it's to early for presents telling you that it's not to early because the sun is out (I never even bothered to look at the clocks) I just knew it was time to sit by the fireplace and look in my Frozen stocking. 

I still haven't accepted that you're gone and that we won't be going out on the beach with the truck and doing donuts or that we can't go to the zoo and feed out favorite llama (snaggletooth) even though he spit on you a few times and you eventually learned your lesson to stay back a little further. that we can't go out to the loft of the barn and play with the mini basketball. I still try to find your name in my contacts. 

I love you and I am so sorry I didn't talk to you more and I regret not hugging you more. 

I hope you're up with Cody and that you're having fun, I just wish that he had to wait a little longer for you to come back to him.