Dear Lor:
Happy belated birthday my dear Pisces friend..
By my accounting we were friends... a bit over a half a century or 5 decades, and 1.73 generations.... Who knew what the future had in store for us back on that day in 1970.
As I recall it was one of those gorgeous December Santa Barbara days The winter school break was upon us..
You were cutting class, seated on a planter alongside the Greek theater at Dos Pueblos High, when I meandered by...
Known to one another , we had gone to the same junior high, and had been in high school for four years, we had never really spoken. But for some reason, that day I decided to join you on the planter... And so goes... The conversation began that auspicious morning....continued for the following 52+ years. And even though Christmas day of 2022 may have been our final in person cackle... we both know that there is so much more to discuss.
Many of your dear friends are here today, earth angels all of them. Boy did you know how to create a community of sisterhood. And they know you as, as a brilliant, dedicated, committed, focused successful professional woman and leader, spiritual advisor, water aerobics enthusiast and friend... to me you are all that and so much more.
I have known and loved you for the better part of my 69 years. We were polar opposites from the start. Our heritages couldn’t have been more dichotomous..... perhaps it was how we complimented each other’s lives that was so appealing.
You applied and reapplied sunscreen so as not to burn your fair midwestern skin. I darkened my ethnic Italian skin in the sun spending countless hours in the waves... while you sat on the sand forever reading...
I was the early bird – up before dawn... you preferred to sleep in.
You planned and strategized I preferred spontaneity and discovery through action.
I became a reader because of you and learned later stillness and mindfulness... I exposed you to cheeses of all types, tomatoes, ,herbs and spices, the spoils of Maye’s dinner parties...and the concept that you could throw anything you wanted into a green salad. We could be pains of asses to one another... but that never lasted long and you were mine and I was yours.
Remember our 18th summer. It was idyllic as we rode our bikes all over Goleta and Santa Barbara . We hunted down the boys on whom we had hopeless crushes...played hours of burnout, ping pong and tennis...ate too many pieces of Lemon Meringue Pie (You) me cherry, . at Brays 101 restaurant... experienced our first night of drunkenness ( grapeshots) under the careful gaze and watchful eye of your mom the beloved dickie. Lucky girls were we.
The college years were set us on different paths for a few years, and then rejoined us for the final two.
In addition to our majors, You studied Spanish, I French. Some German which served us well when we took our several month trip to Europe together after we graduated from UCSB. I will never forget the night we shook hands over pie at Brays promising one another to make it happen. And we surely did. 3+ months , seven countries, including several blissful days on two Greek Islands. We promised to return in later years.
We saw each other through love affairs, careers, marriage, divorce, motherhood, widowhood, retirement , the care and final resting of our aging parents. And the loss of dear friends We promised to go forth living life on our own terms... we repeated our long lived mantra... 20 25, 30..knowing that we had at least 20 years more together, to keep talking, to keep living, to keep laughing to keep learning..
We laughed our fannies off. Through all of it... There were times we got one another into trouble with the uncontrollable laughter. In inappropriate situations I couldn’t even look your way... your face would say it all..., not a word spoken. .in later years at least one of us would wet our pants! We cried buckets of tears together too-- encouraged each other through dark times always marching forward together. 20, 25,30.
We selected our word of the year starting in the 80’s each New Year’s Eve. A few years later we would begin to throw the I Ching coins, and learn from the ancient text ,guidance and decision making for the coming year. We always toasted with Prosecco. We continued this tradition deep into our 60’s forever grateful each year to be together, healthy , happy excited for our soon to be “selfish” years where fun was to be the prevailing theme.
You retired end of 2018, healthy, happy , grateful, 2019 You looked beautiful and rested. You continually spoke of your gratitude of being so satisfied with your home, your garden, your new pace of life.
We would laugh about your “retirement uniform” black jeans, white peasant shirt ( very cute) and those loafers... Lizzie always kept your hair looking so gorgeous. You reported to me you had read 60 books that year... including the Bible and Koran. I bugged you about getting back to the pool, to balance your life with movement and exercise. You insisted you were in your contemplative phase... I got the message . And knew that you were beginning to struggle with breath... The Thomas fire you were sure complicated your breathing efforts. But The future
was bright, 20,25,30 was in play.. I was going to retire soon.. and we would be off to the races.
But COVID hit hard, you were fortunate you made it through unscathed. Me not so lucky. And then, events concerning your health started to pile up. We all know the final chapter.
Today I stand here amongst friends and family... so sad, incredulous that I will no longer come on up to Bard, sit on the deck, or on the couch, you the lazy girl, enjoying a hearty Syrah , a cold sparkling wine or a thirst -quenching DC while we would while away another afternoon talking about everything under the sun... For it was only after we hashed out all details could we feel an issue was complete. I will never find dynamic in my new life without you. You knew me better than anyone on this planet now that Karl and my mom are gone. I feel orphaned.
Our paths really diverged in your final year. I studied Italian and planned a long desired venture to Sicily . You battled multiple health issues during that time. My timing really stunk. Eric called me with news of your passing just a few days after I had arrived. I struggled with my decision to stay but Dave and Eric were kind in their texts to remind me that’s what you would want for me.
I lit a candle in an awesomely beautiful 11th century Norman cathedral in Monreale, Sicily. A beautiful hillside town just outside of Palermo. A day after I received the news. I realized we still have our 20, 25,30 its. Just in a new dimension. I packed you deep inside my heart and we traveled everywhere together. I heard you loud and clear, that I was to keep traveling , to stay in Sicily on the trip I had planned for months. I did and took you everywhere with me. Just as we had done 40 years ago.
I am profoundly grateful Lor, that I had the opportunity to be the other half of such a rare and precious friendship. My vision sees you listening to your favorite cellist, and all songs Van Morrison, salty Jazz and endless Christmas Carols. There is a Chaucer’s bookstore always open and well stocked in your midst.... The sun is mild, you are in the lazy girl, the curtains are drawn and you are looking at the news. You are putting aside the crossword you will do later. Your garden is flourishing and most important you are free of pain and doctors and medicine your breathing is strong and forceful.
As I whispered in your ear, when you were at death’s door back in May 2022, in ICU.... “save me a seat”.
I love you to the moon and back... Your forever friend Sue.
(Written and shared 3/10/2023 by Sue West)
0
Share with others
Donate in memory
