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In memory of

John William Cox

Kamloops, BC, Canada

December 10, 1943 - October 28, 2021

Dec 10, 1943 - Oct 28, 2021

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A Tribute to My Husband John Cox

My name is Darlene, hello to those here,
The obit I’ve written is near and dear.
In lieu of memorial, a service those wanting,
To arrange one, John threatened me with haunting.
He expressed his distaste of friends split in groups,
That made him uncomfortable here in Kamloops.

So, the format I’m using will share of John’s life,
What I know about him as his partner and wife.
Some stories and traits I’ll share in this rhyme,
John’s youth and adulthood, of ALL of his time.
I hope you enjoy them and come to learn more,
Of who John was, right down to the core.

John’s parents, they met in the army they served,
A courtship developed, though she was unsure.
But Nellie Seward and John Sr they did wed,
Their son was conceived in their honeymoon bed.
Forty weeks later, Nellie did give birth,
Winnipeg born, John Jr came to this earth.

They moved to Kamloops when John was just 2,
CPR his dad worked as part of the crew.
An only child, John wanted a brother,
His parents decided there would not be another.
They provided for John all that he needed,
Taking care of him, for sure they succeeded.

As a boy John’s family lived next to a vegan,
They’d invited them over for dinner, I reckon.
Little Johnny blurted, “Where’s the meat!”
His poor mother scolded he’d been indiscreet.
Who would’ve guessed that years and years later,
He’d choose this way of eating that I would cater.

Early to arrive was a trait that John had,
Being tardy for anything to him would be bad.
The story behind this, of course I will share,
A lesson he learned as a boy left him scared.
He’d thought that a game was a certain time,
Arrived late to no one, was what he did find.

John’s parents did let him learn on his own,
They did not remind him what time to leave home.
The lesson left him embarrassed, in tears,
Imprinted “be early” for the rest of his years.
At least 15 minutes, preferably more,
Made sure he was early to leave out the door.

Some people don’t know that John used to swim,
In his younger years it kept him trim.
He’d compete in regadas with older teens,
With ease and strength, it was in his genes.
Even when he was far behind,
The finish line, he’d be first to find.

John once told me swimming he could do all day,
The pool and the river was his place to play.
His parents supported this sport that he chose,
They cheered him on from the river shores.
One time he stopped when his trunks slipped off,
“You keep swimming forward!” his father did scoff.

As a youth John joined the sea cadets,
The language of flags, he’d never forget.
He enjoyed the camaraderie, the people he met,
But the discipline there was not his mindset.
A military man he never would be,
Discipline and structure was not his decree.

At school in football linebacker John played,
A large force very strong was what he displayed.
His mother tuned into the radio one game,
Fretted when the announcer was calling his name.
The man kept yelling, “Cox is down! Cox is down!”
His mother was worried, more than a frown.

John was stretchered off from the field,
But no one yet knew what he had concealed.
His mother wasn’t sure where she should go,
To the hospital? The game? She needed to know.
Later revealed what happened, alas…
He’d ripped his pants at the seat of his ass!

As a teen, a car John wanted to buy,
His parents insisted, “A job you must find.”
Delivering papers and pinsetting he did,
Earning some cash as a 16-year-old kid.
He got that car, over time and hard work,
But his parents helped out as a bit of a perk.

John’s first full-time job was at CPR,
That allowed for the gas to fill up his car.
An apprentice he started, he was very young,
His father worked there, now so did his son.
The only company John ever worked for,
Right up to retirement, starting from the ground floor.

Little League Baseball, yes John was a coach,
The parents appreciated his unique approach.
These parents were happy, more than just thrilled,
That ALL the kids played, regardless of skill.
He taught by example, what the kids learned from him,
That participation was better than wins.

Around this time John moved to the coast,
To be on his own, a new place to boast.
But money was tight, hungry he got,
Set up credit at the local grocery spot.
Bologna and bread till he got paid his due,
He’d pay off the debt when his cheque came through.

At one point he wanted a TV to watch,
To a secondhand store, not exactly topnotch.
He asked the woman for credit to buy,
She trusted him, and got one from her supply.
Her husband was livid, expected a thief,
Until John made a first payment to that couple’s relief.

When John’s dad got sick, to Burnaby they moved,
Their health care access needed to be improved.
They bought a small house, all three on the deed,
John moved in, room and board guaranteed.
All three lived together till his dad passed away,
Eventually, John paid off the mortgage, stopping interest to pay.

When John’s dad passed at 54,
It was sudden, they’d found him on the floor.
His mother now widowed, she had no means to live,
He’d died 6 months short of a pension to give.
This imparted to John, “I must care for my mom”,
And that’s what he did, he was such a good son.

The death of John’s father, it really instilled,
Retirement early was the top of his will.
It was in his mid twenties, a choice that he had,
CPR pension, should he stay in the plan?
A man that John worked with told him to stay,
“Son, you will thank me (for this) one day.”

A meager pay cheque was why John questioned at all,
Wanting to add a few dollars, a cheque not so small.
But John took the advice, paid throughout his career,
Moved up in the ranks, adding more for years.
Apprentice, car man, and management too,
That pension fund just grew and grew.

As an adult John found curling, on the ice he went,
Many decades this sport he was destined to spend.
Not just sweeping and skipping that part of the game,
Volunteering for spiels gave him joy just the same.
The link to the sport was deeply ingrained,
Set up draws, sell tickets kept him entertained.

John’s humour sometimes caught you off guard,
When it came to being funny, he was a bit of a card.
One time as a boss, a worker John called,
This worker was squeamish, John did recall.
Into John’s office this worker arrived,
What greeted him was something John had contrived.

You see, John had false teeth, as most know about,
He was not adverse to taking them out.
At the time he smoked, puffing away,
He was a bit of a scoundrel on that day.
A lit smoke in between his teeth on his desk,
Is what greeted that worker, nothing short of grotesque!

At that time we were dating, had been for awhile,
We moved in together, called it a marriage trial.
When I asked him to marry me, no he did say,
“I’m just not ready,” is how he explained.
That left me wondering what to do next,
His outright refusal left me perplexed.

Eventually, he saw he’d been foolish with me,
“I’d be crazy not to marry you.” And I agreed!
We did not want a big wedding expense,
“Eloping” with our mothers is what made most sense.
We’d marry in ‘80, to Reno we’d go,
Our mothers with us, we had them in tow.

A chapel and pastor, we exchanged our vows,
Our love and commitment, we did espouse.
We all walked to dinner, a casino we went,
We won so much gambling, the trip didn't cost us a cent.
John often remarked, the best thing he did,
Was marrying me and together we lived.

John played the horses and so did his mom,
They both enjoyed watching the horses run.
Yes, they made bets but they kept it in check,
Bills always paid, all commitments were met.
For John it was systems he enjoyed the most,
The racing form and the call to the post.

While we both worked, winter trips we took,
Cuba, Hawaii, our favourites to book.
Laying around on the beach in the sun,
Body surfing the waves, John found so much fun.
Costa Rica we went some 6 years ago,
Rappelling down waterfalls we did go.

Later to Whistler we spent several nights,
It was summer and gorgeous, so we took to the heights.
The path we took, you might not expect,
We climbed up in sections, as I recollect.
We ziplined the canyons one line at a time,
To witness the view that way was sublime.

John was near 50 when he retired,
An early buyout was what he desired.
He always remembered who advised him to stay,
So he could draw pension in retirement one day.
And he drew that pension for many a year,
Because the advice from that man was so clear.

We purchased a fifth-wheel, a Terry Resort,
Hauled it to Winnipeg, bypassed the airports.
To see nieces and nephews that are on my side,
Enjoy them he did, a trip made with pride.
Of course there was more extended family,
They all loved John immediately.

For years we went to Look Lake to fish,
Spending months in our trailer, every year was his wish.
To relax in comfort and a boat for the lake,
For decades retirement allowed us to take.
When he was ready we gave up the site,
And sold the trailer when the time was right.

John’s mother passed at 79,
In Abbotsford, where we lived at the time.
In her later years, we would take her out,
Horse racing bookie shop and buffets we did scout.
One spring we took her on a cruise to L.A.
Bussed it to Reno so she could play.

We made sure his mom lived the best life she could,
Take care of his mom, continue we would.
Several years later, in 2003,
We moved to Kamloops, just him and me.
We never had children, a choice we agreed,
Just the two of us, was lovely indeed.

This choice left us free to do what we wanted,
Often donating to causes adopted.
The Food Bank, the homeless, and vulnerable youth,
Were the top three adopted, to tell you the truth.
John evolved to believe our help was required,
Generosity and kindness he had acquired.

John loved to curl with the men on his team,
To represent BC was part of his theme.
That happened in Comox in 2013,
Earning the BC jacket completed his dream.
Thunder Bay, Ontario, the Nationals they played,
Win they did not, but a good effort they made.

John broke his hip, tripped sweeping a rock,
“I broke the wrong hip!” he would later mock.
You see he was listed for hip replacement,
In 2019, that was another ailment.
Diagnosed with two cancers, with chemo to start,
But in the end, what failed was his heart.

At night, at bedtime we always did share,
A long hug and a kiss to show that we cared.
A tradition we kept right up to the end,
Our love for each other we always did tend.
“Hi, honey I’m home!” was a regular refrain,
We’d light up for each other, that was always sustained.

The last couple of years John did up the draws,
Pandemic, at home, it gave him a cause.
It kept him linked to curling, for sure,
Kept his mind off the cancer for which there was no cure.
But we still laughed at home almost every day,
In spite of his health, laughter was a mainstay.

Gardening and mowing wasn’t John’s thing,
He left that to me, summer, fall and spring.
Sudoku he’d puzzle, kept his mind occupied,
Several books at his fingertips at his bedside.
Detective novels, at night he would read,
Preferring surprises, then he’d share them with me.

Our days became filled with appointments galore,
As his health declined, there were more and more.
We still stuck to a schedule, a routine we maintained,
Things to look forward to with each passing day.
Like a walk in the park every morning we’d do,
Then home for a coffee and a homemade snack too.

For me I’ve been privileged to care for John,
For almost two years, that strengthened our bond.
We laughed, we cried, nothing left unsaid,
Our love grew deeper than when we were wed.
I’ll always be grateful for the time with him,
The love we shared, it never got dim.

John was indeed the light of my life,
And he was so proud to have me as his wife.
He adored me as many already know,
In ways he provided, in ways he did show.
Provide for me in event of his death,
A promise fulfilled, this commitment he met.

Pioneer Park, where swimming he went,
John’s remains now flow, his ashes I sent.
My two sisters and I watched his cloud disperse,
As the river embraced him in its universe.
No words needed speaking, a solemn peace,
Tears welled up in my eyes, my quiet release.

We stood in the silence remembering John,
In our heart of hearts he’ll never be gone.
We walked back to the car, feeling forlorn,
When the CPR train suddenly belted its horn.
We laughed, “How fitting,” is what we did say,
The final goodbye to John on that day.

SO many ways John took care of me,
Whatever I needed, that made him happy.
And now that he’s passed, I’ll NEVER regret,
Over 41 years, I’ll never forget.
In closing, I hope you’ve learned what he’d become,
This man I love dearly, this man was beloved.

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