This most beautiful piece of prose was shared with me by my Dadโs dear friend and I have permission to pass this on.ย
My Friend John
Where do I start?
A Gentle Giant
Gentleness of Spirit
One of the most loving, non-judgmental people I have ever met. A friend who redefined the definition of friendshipโฆ A very special friend, but Iโm sure anyone who knew John felt that wayโฆ
It seemed as though he stood 8 feet tall โฆyet never wanted to stand out. An Ocean of Wisdom and Experienceโฆ and only wanted to be one of - a part of - to just be there, to participate.
I announced his anniversary this past summer at a little midday meeting he hadnโt been to beforeโฆ โWhy did you do that,
I just wanted to go to the meetingโ he said to me afterwards.
They remember him - I ordered his coins through a member there
I sat in many meetings with John, and now it seems far too few. He was a balm on a sunburn, soft-spoken serene. People would lean in trying to hear, to not miss what he was saying - like the old E.F. Hutton commercial. Afterwards, they would ask me to bring him back.
That was John.
He would have a conversation with someone once and years later they would remember what he had said to them.
He was fully present
Lenox. He loved the Berkshires. The towns, rivers, lakes, communities.
โWhat did you do this afternoon?โ I asked.
โI watched the sunset.โ he replied. I had expected him to say something about fishingโฆโAll afternoon?โ I asked. He went over to the window,
โIf you lay on the bed, this window is perfect for watching the sunset. It goes down down down across the pond and sets behind those trees over thereโ.
Pointing, practically glowing as he relived it, doing his best to describe it to me as if he had discovered some undiscovered fishing spot. โJustโฆamazing โ he concluded with an awe-filled smile and a swoop of his head.
All afternoon he had watched the sun set.
That was John. Incredible solitude.
At home in a sunset, a forest, a quiet bend in a river, a book.
โGive him my number, Iโd like to talk to himโ he said to me when I mentioned a friend of mine who was recovering after prostate cancer surgery. He didnโt even know the man; lived eleven hundred miles away.
And that was John. Always visiting people in hospitals and nursing homes. โI just canโt walk away from that - could you?โ He asked, stated, exclaimed.
Such a great loss to so many people, so many communities.
And me! How lucky I was to have traveled this Path with him and for so long! โLucky me, lucky mudโ to quote Vonnegut. How I will miss those eight mile an hour tours of swimming holes and every mud puddle that might be big enough to hide a fish! He loved fishingโฆSeldom was it about the fishโฆ it was his 11th step. John Lived and Loved the 11th step.
What a blessing to so many people - so many communities! And for so long, decades, 54 years even, a lifetimeโฆand the ripples travel onโฆwords, deeds, stories.
Speaking with a friend recently I said โLove doesnโt want โ. John said that to me.
After one of my ramblings he would simply say โGo sit near a streamโ and another time, โLearn all you can about love.โ He wouldnโt tell me specifically what to do or how to live, just kinda point a directionโฆ. and maybe that should be capitalized.
A diner, 20 years ago, gossip started. John leaned in from the end of the bench opposite meโฆโalright โ quietly, patiently annoyed, as if asking a group of third graders to settle down and take their seats. It stopped. He sat back up, scanning the restaurant, looked at me and with a shake of his head gave that boyish chuckle. And that was John. The man, his values, one of my heroes.
Where do you go to find a friend like that?
So much more to say. Authors, books, songs, music and musicians, poems and poets, philosophers. I would share a quote and usually John had read something if not everything from that author. Sometimes he would surprise meโฆโI knew him, he was from New Havenโ or โI was in a bereavement group she used to lead years agoโโฆanother community
Whether delivering meals, raking leaves, lighting a candle for a friend, John was about Love and Service. Lived it.
Fully alive, fully evolved, fully human.
Wholly, Holy participating in his relationships, communities
Where do I go?
In difficult times we look to those who who have been dealt some tough cards, been through some rough times, and didnโt allow those experiences to make them small or bitter, but instead transformed them into Beacons of Light to guide othersโฆ
That was John. He became the message, the gift.
Many tears were shed writing this - such a painful Glorious place - reliving the memories and conversations, trying to whittle down decades to too few stories to share with others who may have not been so privileged to know the John that I knewโฆ
One last story for nowโฆ
Riding back from Massachusetts , out of the blue John said โYouโve changed โ. We rode in silence for a few minutes as I pondered that statement, then he added, โAnd itโs permanent.โ
Heโs right. I have changed , and in no small part as a result of the time I spent with John. Our conversations, his patience, his understanding. Heโd seen a lot, lived a lot. Understood. My Journeys with John have reset my compass, heโs a major contributor to my recovery DNA , and yet again led me to consciously, consciously reaffirm my Direction to Travel.
I did my best to share the John that I knew Love and Missโฆ
He truly was a โUnique and Precious Creation โ
He never would have wanted me to say any of this, in fact would have been quite upset as anyone who knew John would knowโฆ
But I needed to - wanted to - to honor him - to say thank you,
He knows that
A friend of Mr. John Edward Butwell
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