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In memory of

Jessica Sarah Steinberg

Canby, OR

October 6, 1971 - October 6, 2021

Oct 6, 1971 - Oct 6, 2021

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Jessica Steinberg
Sister. Daughter. Mother. Friend. Matriarch. Warrior.

As the only daughter and the oldest of six children, Jessica ruled over her siblings not with might, but cunningness and guile. She was smarter, more clever, craftier, and played chess to her brothers’ checkers. Her family was a melting pot, as four of her brothers were adopted—two of them from Asia. Except for a few awkward years of teenage apathy and Billy Idol idolatry, she ruled her kingdom by making the rules in her favor, setting up games only she could win, and leveraging the additional privileges her quick wit and responsible demeanor provided her—her fire and spunk personified by her bright red curly hair. She was quick-witted, sometimes cruel, alway s funny, and a fiercely protective leader. Her brothers loved her.

It’s not clear if it was her nature or this unique childhood, but Jessica could always straddle multiple worlds and somehow overachieve in them all. She grew up in Lake Oswego (attending Lakeridge High School) but maintained an active friend group in Woodburn. After receiving her master’s degree in psychology from the University of Oregon, she became a middle school at-risk youth counselor and then a juvenile probation officer for Clackamas County. And later, she would fancy herself a “small-town Canby mom” while lobbying the state government to change laws and traveling the country to advocate for lung cancer patients.

Jessica was someone who had an inertia to everything she did. She taught aerobics, ran marathons, and had an athlete’s ability to focus on fitness. She was bilingual but might wait until hearing what you said about her in Spanish before letting you know. You didn’t have to know her well to know that behind her smile, her quick laugh, and her friendly demeanor, Jessica was tough as nails.

When she became a mom at 30, Jessica was what you would expect from the eldest child who staved off bullies from her younger brothers—a self-described “mama bear.” Her two boys, Nate and Pete, became her everything. She put her career on hold, actively volunteered in their classrooms, and dedicated herself to raising two successful, kind, and well-rounded human beings. When Pete entered kindergarten, she began teaching human services and criminal justice as an adjunct faculty member at Clackamas Community College.

Then, at 39 years old and amidst a pending divorce, Jessica was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer. It didn’t make sense. She was healthy and a non-smoker, but the diagnosis quickly worsened to Stage IV. Faced with just a one percent chance of surviving five years, Jessica decided to fight with the same tenacity, ability, and protective nature which had characterized her for her entire life. Surrounded by her Canby friend group—her “sisters from other misters”—and determined to raise her boys, she assumed a warrior mentality. In her fight, Jessica did three things which were important to her to share with others on a similar journey:

She remained staunchly optimistic. She taught her friends, her family, her “mamacita” (her mother Susan), and others dealing with cancer that you hope until you can’t hope anymore.

She was her own advocate. She stared cancer in the face and advocated for herself—for additional testing, new treatments, and anything and everything that would enable her to reach her goal. When conventional treatment failed and the end seemed near, Jessica insisted on being retested for genetic mutations (which, when present, allow patients to undertake a different set of treatments). Despite already testing negative twice, Jessica contacted labs which possessed the last of her testable tissue and, in a final hail mary, insisted on retesting. She was right. This breakthrough ultimately extended her life by ten years, allowing her to see Nate graduate high school and Pete become the capable and caring person he is today.

She was fearless. Cancer stripped her of her vanity, but not her courage. She couldn’t grow hair on the top of her head from the brain radiation. She couldn’t keep from gaining weight from the chemotherapy. Half her face became paralyzed, distorting her speech and making it difficult to chew food for years. She lost most of her vision with one eye having to be sewn shut multiple times. She lost much of her hearing, only marginally treated by hearing aids. Her balance, her stamina, her strength—all impacted. But she never complained and was never a victim. She considered her cancer a gift that gave her a platform to help people. Driven by blind, unconditional love for her two sons, she accepted any treatment or procedure, any loss of function without fear or victimhood. She had the courage we all wish we had but are rarely forced to test.

The resiliency and spirit which Jessica brought to her fight with cancer inspired many. Her battles with the insurance companies led to a productive friendship with the cancer drug companies, who flew her all over the country to speak about her journey at their events. She was a vociferous advocate for lung cancer patients, bringing awareness to the facts that lung cancer is not just a smoker’s disease, and that despite making up 25 percent of all cancer deaths (by far the most of any cancer), it is given less research funding than most other cancers. In doing so, she helped others and became a mentor and friend to so many in a similar fight.

As the cancer consumed her body, Jessica set one last goal: to make it to October 6th, her 50th birthday. On October 1st as she drifted into semi-consciousness, her last words were asking about the time and day. Jessica, the warrior, the sister, the daughter, the mother, and the friend wanted to show the people who love her one last time how strong the human spirit is. Hospice had prepped her family that the end was within hours. Her vitals were dropping. And then, typical of Jessica Steinberg, she kicked it in another gear, her hand clasped firmly and reflexively around the tattoo of her sons’ names on her arm. Her vitals picked back up and she somehow powered through another five days to reach her 50th birthday. Just like she said she would.

Jessica will be missed dearly.

Jessica wanted to thank her friends for all their support—from her “sisters from other misters,” to her oncologist and friend Dr. Cetnar, to Julie Bitz and her lifelong friend Jodi Arnoff. She wanted to thank Travis Neliton for “carrying her” in her final days, and for you to know that there are too many people to thank in this list. She is so grateful for all the support her community, friends, and family provided her.

Jessica is survived by her family: her two sons, Nate and Pete; her “mamacita” (Susan); her dad and Betty (Rick and Harriet); her brother Will and his wife Jenna; her brother Jon; brother David and his wife Tessa; brother Bruce and his partner Brandy; and her brother Evan. She loved and will miss her many nieces and nephews: Isaiah, Prenna, Muay, Orion, Solveigh, Weldon, Skylar, and Logan.

While Jessica may not be here physically, her gifts to this world were many and will not be forgotten.

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