Dear Gabe,

You have this way of making something mundane like running errands both meaningful and silly; that’s your art.

I don’t think I ever told you directly how much our friendship means to me. I wish I had. I would have told you that you are one of my favorite humans ever. That you light up every room you are in and how much I admire that. I am so proud to be your sister. I wish I had told you how deeply I respect your high level integrity and your passion for social justice. How I’m in constant awe of your mind, your wild creativity, your insanely sensitive and loving heart, your boundless wisdom, your love of debate, your devotion, and your desire to always tease the limits to go beyond.

Everyone I introduced you to couldn’t understand why we weren’t dating and then when I gave them the green light, they all fell for you, I mean who could blame them?

We did everything together, because you were down for it all. Your range is one of my favorite things about you. A true YES man, of the highest order.

From sweat lodges to prayer circles on Maui, to crypto conferences and champagne bike rides through LA, to jungle hikes, waterfalls and whales…to clubs in Ibiza, you were my partner in crime. We meditated, and yoga’d, we cleansed and purged, we cooked and I called you on your messiness. We laughed our heads off and had alot of hard talks. We swam naked and lizarded on the rocks sharing our deepest passions and dreams right along with our trauma and desire for healing. We gossiped endlessly about our love lives and always gave each other the most candid relationship advice (even though you certainly wanted to debate some of my suggestions around dating women). You were my tech guru, always inspiring me to scale. You taught me photoshop and how to make my own graphics and websites, a skillset that professionally raised the bar. We brainstormed biz ideas and critically reviewed each others decks with so much mutual respect.

When you broke your neck, you trusted me to be sure your precious body was aligned after surgery. And I trusted you to always be real with me. You had this way of saying the hardest truths in the softest way (most of the time :) You could always see through the layers of bullshit into the tenderness of vulnerability and show me that it was safe to open and be seen. You are one of the most sincere and passionate humans I have ever known. Bonnie and Millard, I hope you are proud because its so evident to us all what tremendous influences you are.

Over these last few weeks since your passing, the only light has been through the joy of realizing just how wide and deep your impact of love is, a crater of Gabe. I will forever treasure the way you surprised me by flying to Maui for my birthday when I was so heartbroken and depressed I couldn’t see straight. That’s the kind of friend you are. And then to read ALL THE STORIES on facebook of how you showed up over and over again in the same way for so so many of us. Gabe, you are in a class of your own. Your love has no limits.

A few nights after your soul took flight, you visited me in my dreams. I was mourning the way you were always there for me, my brother I never had. And you embraced me in one of your enormous full body hugs that we all cherish and you told me you would still always be here for me. I love you Gabe.   

I dont have many pictures of Gabe and I. I have hours of recorded voice memos from the last couple years, texts, and emails upon emails from the last 20 years (the emails are mostly him trying to teach me something techy until finally just handling it for me). I have memories of riding bikes around Oakland on his 50th birthday, just he and I, dressed to the 9’s, laughing our asses off. Many nights getting dolled up and going out– getting flirty, confident AF, turning heads. Jumping in the ocean, fully clothed, in celebration. Picking him up at countless bus stops. Countless snuggles. Countless fights and make-ups. There was rarely anyone else around to take a photo of that guy and I together, but we often were.

I had this relationship with Gabe that was really insular. I mean, we were social together– at least 3 Burning Mans, Source, full moon parties, warehouse parties, costume parties, crusty Humboldt parties, he was at my wedding, my husband's funeral– but mostly, we had coffee, long phone chats, did breathwork together, stretched, danced, laughed, cried, processed… and processed and processed. As he was to many others, he was my person in ways I didn’t even realize I relied on him. I hate to ask for help. I never needed to ask Gabe. He’d just get on a bus.

I met Gabe in 2006 (I think). We worked together at Haliimaile. The first night we connected, we left work and went down to the ocean where we figured out that we weren’t gonna date, we were going to be the best kind of friends, the lasting kind. We lost touch a little bit when he moved to Oahu and LA, only chatting once or twice a year, but even during my 3 years in Bali, we connected often. To this date, he’s the most consistent friend, over the longest period of time, I've ever had.

There was a dark period of my life where I was deep in grief and trauma. I behaved in ways that I’m not proud of and lost a lot of friends because of it. During this madness, only weeks after my husband died, Gabe took a bus up from Oakland to Sebastopol to visit me and help me with some logistics I couldn’t manage on my own. I remember that time as not trusting people. My friends were dropping away and no one was telling me why. I felt alone and scared (of myself) and defensive. Gabe came in and just softened me like nobody else could. He would hold me while I cried, and he’d tell me exactly why I was an asshole. Instead of just getting offended and abandoning me, he called me on my shit and held me in it. He was real and transparent and authentic and sure of himself in a way that allowed him to do that– to demand I do better because he knew I was capable of it and strong enough to compost through the bullshit I was in. He believed in me and wouldn’t give up on me. He trusted me to come out of my funk, and he stuck with me. As someone who doesn’t let many people in, it’s hard to express how very exceptional, deep, and precious this trust between us was/is to me. That man knew how to show up.

I’ve been dreaming so much about Gabe. My heart is just so with him these last weeks. I feel for all the connections he has and how painful it is for us all, but for him also, to let go of all that he had and was. If a persons worth is measured by the depth of their relationships, Gabe died a rich man. I’m in awe at his capacities. Like, how did he even have time to be so much to so many people? He was My Gabe.. but he was also so many people’s Gabe. I Love that about him. 

xx   

Mr. and Mrs. Mott,

Sending you my deepest condolences as a parent and a very young friend of Gabe’s. Echoing many others sentiments of his genuine curiosity and care, we had recently connected this past year and it was like nothing had changed since 1985. We had just started to establish an adult friendship, and I am so very sad to learn of his passing. As a parent, I am all the more sad for you and for all of those who had more time with him than I did. I am so grateful for his genuine heart and the path that he seemed to open in everyone here to care deeply from the heart, and stay curious. I am so sorry for your loss. -Jess

Sunrise, sunset

Maui magic brought me in…

The house was a green Balinese inspired sanctuary nestled deeply in the jungle.

On a spacious patio high above a creek, I was vetted.

After a little hemming and hawing.

It was concluded that I was indeed Funky enough to join the crew.

Sunrise, sunset

I first met him on the stairs, and I was immediately struck!

His sparkling eyes, handsome features, and tall frame did make my heart skip a beat.

After a very brief brush with romance, we concluded that friendship was our path,

“It’s better this way” he told me

And for us, it was!

Sunrise, sunset

As roomates we shared smoothies, tea, and wine, paired with conversations that made me feel seen, heard and cared for.

 I discovered his deep thoughtful nature, and experienced his brother like love.

Sunrise, sunset

As adventure buddies we wandered through muddied paths, and scaled rocky cliffs, while talking about our passions and desires. 

Gabe shared with me his brilliance, his intellect and also his challenges.

 His depth was vast.

Sunrise, sunset

As Sourcerers we gathered groups of people in our living room to co-create and dream.

 His effervescent excitement about the festival drew people in and inspired them to join. 

In this environment I saw Gabe the leader, who devoted his energy into breathing life into not only his art but into the art of many of those around him.

Sunrise, sunset

In our time as roommates, we graduated from our jungle sanctuary and with much effort, landed ourselves a mini mansion. 

Six bedrooms, with pool, hot tub and sauna. 

Ocean view, sunsets and fruit trees, the luxurious space was a absolute treat! 

He dove deep into his love of color, digital art, and study of helations. 

It was a time of vibrant energy and art making. 

However the cost of luxury living was a financial strain, with all members of the house ultimately opting for easier streets.

Sunrise, sunset

Our closeness, like most relationships ebbed and flowed.

But there was always a comfort in knowing he was there. 

For a chat, 

for a laugh, 

for a hug.

The last hug we shared was at sunrise, after the eclipse, at the festival in Oregon. 

It was a surprise moment, as neither of us knew the other was there. 

That feeling of running into the arms of someone you know so well and love so deeply is one of life’s greatest. 

I was so happy to get to introduce him to my new love, that would later become father of my child. 

Sadly that sunrise moment was too brief.

Sunrise, sunsets, like his life:

Too brief, yet brilliant.

Filled with vibrating color, reminding us all to pause, take a breath together and cherish this beautiful thing called life.