Fred Jay Benoff, age 78, passed away at home on Saturday, August 15, 2020, ending his 6-year battle with lung cancer that had metastasized to his spine. His kindness was notable. Fred is survived by his wife of 53 years Malka, his children Suzi (& Bruce), Todd (& Christine), Jack, and his grandchildren Samantha, Bryan, Sean, and Ryan. He was predeceased by his younger sister, Marcie Stone, and his parents, Samuel J. Benoff and Helen Blumenthal Benoff. 

Fred was a gentle, joke-telling mensch, beloved by all who knew him. He grew up in Philly, briefly lived in upstate NY, then spent 36 years in Northern VA, and finally retired to Florida. He graduated Olney High (1959) and Drexel Institute of Technology (B.S. in Electrical Engineering 1964). A Vietnam War veteran, Fred was a Captain of the Army Core of Engineers in the Psychological Operations group stationed in Okinawa. 

He worked for IBM (1969), Loral (1993), and Lockheed Martin (1996) until his retirement in 2008 – at the same desk in the same office in Manassas, VA for 26 of those years.  As a Program Manager with the highest level of top secret security clearance in the Federal Systems Division he developed Top Secret, classified, next-generation sonar systems sold to the Navy for attack class submarines. He was a volunteer leader for decades at Olam Tikvah synagogue; he held leadership positions as the President of the Men’s Club, served on the Board of Directors and several committees.

As a kid he played the clarinet and he played saxophone in the Temple University High School band. In college he was a member of the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, Franklin Institute, and ROTC. As an adult he bowled, played canasta, played Tetris, read a lot, and made the best Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches.

His funeral was held at Rubin Memorial Park, August 17, 2020. Fred is buried at Eternal Light Cemetery in Boynton Beach, FL.

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Eulogy from his children and grandchildren:

Fred came from a loving family. He was raised in a home where he learned the most important things in life: kindness, humor, family, and where to find good deli. He carried these principles throughout his life and passed them to his descendants. He always showed unconditional love and devotion to his wife. He was amicable, goofy, patient, kind, and tranquil. An emblem of stability, he never failed to provide for his family, but seemed to enjoy spending time with his grandchildren even more. He loved deeply and was loved deeply by those closest to him.

He also had an incredibly close relationship with his little sister Marcie.  And the next generation has that same bond. The cousins are extremely close. Although they drink more than Fred and Marcie ever did.

But Fred had cancer. He fought it, but it is a fight no one could win. So this past February the children, grandchildren, and Lisa and Alex all came down to be together; to celebrate his life while he could still enjoy it. And immediately after that, the world got in the way. The next month a minor news story became major headlines became a pandemic, which became something that kept us all apart – disrupting our lives and isolating us while time just sort of dissolved.

Through it all, Fred did what he always did: he kept going on. He didn’t complain because he had led a full life. He stayed positive no matter what the cancer did to his body; despite the pain, and the limitations, and the frustrations. He put up with it all, just like he put up with the unfortunate nickname his sons bestowed upon him when the Simpons became a thing 30 years ago. They called him “Homer,” after another great American who shared his love for short sleeve button down shirts worn with a tie. Non-ironically. He didn’t complain about that, or even about his last gift from his grandkids: a plush Viking doll that for some reason did a dance and sang “I’m too sexy for my shirt.” Because he was. Of course he was.

Some famous Austin once said: “Death is hideous and ugly and grotesque and wildly, wildly unfair. Or maybe death is beautiful and spiritual and transcendent and sometimes a very necessary and very freeing escape from our physical bodies when they are no longer habitable.” -Austin Winsberg

Though we knew his time was ending, his loss is no less felt. He was kind in a world that wasn’t; he could laugh even when the joke was on him; and if he was here right now, he’d probably be playing Tetris because all of this would be kind of boring to him. But he’d put up with it. We will love you always Dad/ Grandpa/Homer.

Eulogy from his sister in law, Lisa Spector:

I met Fred when I was 14 years old… he was 25

I was dating my future Husband Alex… and Malka was dating her future husband Fred so it is fair to say that I have known Fred for a very long time….54 years .

I knew the man and the man was a sweetheart of a man, a gentle man …… a mensch…..

God took him 3 weeks before his 79th birthday….

We always liked each other and were always close but as the decades passed , the four of us became even closer, even tighter…. loving each other and enjoying our trips together, especially that last special trip we took together a few years ago celebrating their 50 Year Golden Anniversary on a North Western Cruise .

We loved playing Canasta , and every time we got together we played this Florida state endorsed card game till late at night….and during the last few years , Fred and I “enjoyed” passionate debates over the state of our politics.

Fred was an easy going man that loved Malka with an unwavering love that stood the test of time few couples reach….. he very much loved his kids, his grandkids and his numerous friends. He was a Korean War Veteran and for all of the decades that I knew him, he had an uncanny talent for remembering jokes and sharing them at get-togethers… they usually were right on point of the discussion at hand and his delivery brought great joy to those around him.….. I truly do not know how he knew ( and remembered ) so many wonderful stories…. But that was part of his charm. He had an easy smile on his face and was one of those people who got involved in his residential community and his synagogue community.

Fred was a veteran who almost never complained throughout his 6 year battle with cancer. Malka would share with me throughout these cancer fighting years how he took everything in stride in a way few people could. He was a quiet, humble smart, man…

I have a poem that has impacted me in a very positive way for decades and I have shared at times of loss and I would like to share it now…. its called The Dash by Linda Ellis:

http://joyce.taron.net/the-da…

I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on her tombstone

From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth

And spoke the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time

That she spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;

The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love

And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,

That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,

And show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,

And more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read

With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say

About how you spent your dash

Fred…. We love you !!!

Eulogy from his friend Terry Bresnick:

 Rabbis, Malka, family, and friends. What can I say, this is a very sad day for all of us. We are here to say farewell to our beloved Fred. I’ve got a military background, so I’m used to giving the bottom-line-up-front. Fred was a very special person – compassionate, empathetic, loving and kind. Without a doubt, he loved and was devoted to his family and his friends. He was proud, yet humble, as much of his pride had nothing to do with his own many accomplishments but, rather in the accomplishments of others, especially of Malka. He was smart - not only in his successful professional life but also in his realization that he’d won the lottery when he won Malka’s love. Malka and Fred would have been married for 53 years later this month. Through good times and bad, Malka, you loved each other and as great as our loss is, none can compare to yours.

I first met Fred and Malka when I joined Congregation Olam Tikvah in Fairfax. VA in 1981. We became friends initially through Fred and Malka’s heavy involvement in synagogue life. I learned that he was born in 1941 and was raised in Philadelphia. He attended Drexel University, and was a proud veteran of the Army where he served in Okinawa with the Corps of Engineers. I was fascinated by the stories that he told of his time as a project manager for sonar systems for attack class submarines, first with IBM and later with Lockheed Martin. I learned that he was an accomplished bowler, that he loved to walk with his buddies in Virginia, and that he and Malka could easily take on all comers at Canasta. Since coming to Florida, they became avid cruise takers.

When we lived in Virginia, we became particularly close with several families, sharing many a Shabbat dinner and other occasions. Eventually, all of these couples eventually joined us in Florida after we moved here in 2005. We joked about this being Olam Tikvah South. This included the Bresnicks, the Benoffs, the Jacobs, the Felsens, and the Hillelsohns. We shared many happy times and sad times. There were weddings, b’nai mitzvahs, and funerals. While technically, we were just friends, we were much more than that – we were and still are family. Fred was a most important part of that family. He was a great friend, father, grandfather to four grandchildren, and especially, husband. I really loved talking to him. He was funny, one of the rare people who could not only tell a good but quick joke but who also could captivate us as a wonderful storyteller. Irv Jacobs told me a story that typifies Fred’s sense of humor. In 1965, Irv had to make a trip from Vietnam to visit the Psyschological Operations group in Okinawa. 10 years later, after leaving the military and settling in Virginia, Irv and Fred were talking and they discovered that Fred was assigned to that very unit in Okinawa at the time Irv had visited. So the running joke for more than 40 years was that Fred would chastise Irv for not stopping in to see him while in Okinawa– even though they didn’t know each other existed at the time! The laughter of countless Shabbat dinners, New Year’s Eve celebrations, and just plain old get-togethers will stay with us forever. I can’t begin to tell how much fun it was hearing Fred, Lonnie, and Michael trying to outdo each other with dirty jokes that I dare not repeat today. As a New York Giants football fan, I, Michael, and Fred had many a good-natured ribbing session when our teams played each other, but I was at a disadvantage since Fred had a passion for both the Washington Redskins and the Philadelphia Eagles. But when push came to shove, and the Eagles were facing the Redskins (or should I say, the newly renamed Washington Football Team, his allegiance was clear – Philadelphia had always been his real team. Occasionally, these debates were enhanced by Fred’s love for Manhattans – so everyone knew that when Fred visited, you needed to keep Southern Comfort, Sweet Vermouth, and bitters on hand.

As most of you came to know, Fred was a real fighter as well. He was first diagnosed with cancer in 2014. For six years he has been through grueling treatments, temporary successes, punishing fallbacks. With Malka by his side, he battled a good fight until he could battle no more. When he knew the end was close, he had one major concern – that Malka would be okay and have the support that she needed. Fred, you need not worry, the Florida family will be there for her and she will be okay despite missing the love of her life tremendously. She won’t be alone.

To Fred, our friend, Zichrono livracha, alav ha-shalom, may peace be upon him. May his memory be a blessing, our hearts are with him and he will be missed. 

Additional Thoughts from his friend Irv Jacobs:

Fred served on Okinawa during the Vietnam War. I know this in spades because I visited Okinawa from Vietnam on business in 1965, and although I did not know Fred at the time, he would later tell me, in his characteristic, dry-humor style, that he was on Okinawa in 1965 and he was disappointed that I did not look him up and visit him there.

The one thing I could add was that he cherished his friendships at Olam Tikvah, among which I was proud to be included. In later years, he would recall his "exercise routine" with Larry Willner (z"l, having passed at the time of Fred's reminiscence) and Ed Eisenson, walking around the track at Woodson High School and then going out for bagels together, as a highlight.

And where others might stand out as individuals in one area or another, it was a tribute to Fred's understated style that he stood out in so many areas (already mentioned by many of you) that he didn't have to trumpet his personal or professional accomplishments. He took life as it came, and always with a twist of humor.

Additional Thoughts from his friend Anna Jacobs:

All I know about your Dad was that he was the kindest, most considerate man who never spoke poorly of anyone, except maybe politicians! He was dedicated to Malka, and cherished his children. He believed in the commitments he made to his family and friends.

The day he passed, Irv and I went to visit him in the early afternoon. It was evident that his time was being measured in hours - perhaps a day or two. We sat with him for as long as he was able to stay awake, we thanked him for his love and support of us, we laughed at some of thetimes we all shared together - Lonny, Michael and Fred were the one line comedians of the group, as well as sharing jokes - to the point that they would often say - “Oh, and that reminds me of #42” or whatever they thought would get a laugh. 

Additional Thoughts from his sister in law, Lisa Spector:

Alex and I loved Fred and know that Fred loved his family (both blood and chosen), involved himself in service and that the eulogies read at his burial were a testament to what his "life eulogy resume" was all about; he was known to be loving, funny, kind, patient, devoted and a "mench"...... and as all of us are human beings ; at times dissapointed without ever truly intending to. He loved and was loved and we all lost " a really good one".

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