For years my Mother would tell us what her final wishes were. As an ICU and emergency room Nurse she witnessed death and it's aftermath in many different forms. She told me and my sister and ingrained in our heads her wishes when she passed. No funeral, no memorial service, no novenas or prayer service for her when she died. We asked our mom many times why and she said she HATED the drama and judgement it created. Absolutely hated it. My mom said no matter how pure people's intentions were it was inevitable. People judge. They judge the service, the venue, the family or friends tearful or non-tearful reactions to death. The food they serve at the reception. The size of flower arrangements. The look of the casket. The job the mortician did on the remains. The look of the headstone. The location of the burial. The poise or lack of poise of immediate family. The speeches the family and priest make. She didn't want the gossip or awkward conversations that get-togethers create. When I said that it didn't feel right to not have ANYTHING. She would get angry and say it's what she wants. So here we are. But in retrospect, I think my mom neglected to think of the needs of the people she touched to express their gratitude for her touching their lives. I know there is a strong need by others to do something, anything to show appreciation. My mom literally saved lives. She loved being a nurse and helping patients. As a consequence of work though, she also enjoyed having the ability to help her kids and her grand kids financially. So I think it's fitting that I set up a memorial fund. To give her friends and family the ability to express their gratitude and love for my mom with a donation. Even if it's just in the amount of a condolences card. My mom would be so grateful to know that her family was not burdened with unforseen expenses at this difficult time. It is one of the reasons she continued to work and refused to retire till the day she died. We will also use the money to pay for her brother in the Philippines to come to America and take her ashes to her family home in the Philippines I hope this is OK Mom. I'm not too proud to admit I don't know what to do without you. We Love you and will forever Miss you.