Eulogy for David Sante Ancona
Presented at His Celebration of Life on June 11, 2023 by Robin, Hayley, Trevor, and Katelyn

Robin:
I know this is the part where I should say that Dave would be so happy to see all of you here and how much he’d want to be here—but of course, if you knew Dave, you know he’d have had major anxiety about being at this group function. But he would absolutely be so glad to know that there’s so many people who are here to support me and the kids through this extremely difficult time.

I met Dave when we were both working at Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlor in Chula Vista. I was a server and he was the manager, so I only knew him as Mr. Ancona. His name tag even just said “Mr. Ancona.”When we started going out, I would tell my friends, “I have another date with Mr. Ancona” and it was about 3 dates in that I actually learned his first name was Dave. The first conversation I ever had with Dave (other than work interactions) was about Toby. He told me that he had ... Read morea kid that he wasn’t allowed to see and how much he wished he could be part of that child’s life. When we found out we were expecting Hayley, Dave was so excited! He loved being a dad and he cherished our three kids. They were what he was most proud of—and not only our biological kids, but also who we referred to as our “almost kids”: Jessica, Joyner, and Alex. When I was younger, I actually wanted to have 6 kids--turns out the best way to do that is to have 3 kids and have each of them bring a friend into the family! In 2013, when Dave and Toby found each other, it was such a healing experience for Dave. The really great thing is that, not only did he get a relationship with this now grown child he always wondered about--he also got to be a grandpa to 2 beautiful kids (Kylie and Jayce) and a father-in-law to Toby’s wife Brooke.

Hayley:
It can be hard to connect with little kids, but my Dad really made an effort to connect with me and my siblings through our interests. One of my earliest memories of my dad was me asking him how to draw the sun. He gently took my paper, and explained as he drew. It was just a circle with some lines, but it felt monumental to me. He always encouraged my creativity, and loved engaging with my various artistic projects- even when I was just a child.

He initially watched cartoons with us because it made us happy- but he found some favorite shows he was also excited to watch with us. Whenever Angry Beavers, Hey Arnold, or Invader Zim was on- all of us knew we had to watch together. I attribute a lot of my humor now to those favorite shows.

When Trevor and I were in grade school, we got caught up in the Pokemon craze. We loved Pokemon cards. Though Mom taught us the card game rules, Dad soon took interest in what had captivated us. I remember so many days after school, building our decks and playing cards in the backyard.

He also, in turn, loved sharing his interests with us. If we got him into Pokemon cards, it was only fair that he taught us more classic card games. Our favorite was Texas Hold ‘Em Poker. (Don’t worry, no gambling…!) We completely missed that the point of poker was to bluff and NOT give away your hand.

He got us into Star Trek. I wasn’t much of a fan of sci-fi, but I wanted to love the things he loved. In particular, we watched a lot of Star Trek: Voyager with him. It’s a bit of the “black sheep” of the franchise, but I found myself loving the characters and storylines in that world. Voyager always makes me think of him.

Dad had a pretty easy time connecting with little kids--and connecting with adults could often be more challenging for him, But in the last few years when I’d come home to visit, I could see that my dad was more peaceful with himself and more open to opportunities to connect. He’d been reading about Buddhism, as a philosophy. He’d gotten to see his children as adults, and was thoroughly enjoying being a grandfather. I could see that he and my mom’s relationship as a couple had only blossomed as they got older. He seemed to truly be at peace with life. While I wish we had more time, I think he learned to appreciate the time he had.

Trevor:
In the last few years since the quarantine, Dad has been the person I talked with the most. Since I was suddenly at home all the time I wanted to try watching every single episode of Star Trek. And so it became a regular thing, every day me and dad would watch Star Trek. We watched over six hundred episodes and thirteen movies since... But what was most important was the time spent together through it, and the conversations we would have. For us, watching science fiction together was an opportunity to talk about our interests: philosophy, scientific theory, and occasionally riffing on a bad episode.

I always loved talking with Dad, I felt like we understood each other even when I was kid. He was a deep thinker, and always encouraged me to expand my horizons and kept me curious about the world. I miss him every day.

Kate:
I read a quote somewhere that said, “When a parent dies it means that now they get to experience life through you.” And I’ve taken that to heart in multiple ways. One of those ways is in appreciating the parts of my dad that I see in myself.

One of my favorite traits that I think I got from my dad is his curious nature. He loved reading about unsolved mysteries and discussing his various theories on them. And my dad and I had a lot of great late night conversations discussing our theories on Jack the Ripper, Somerton Man and lots of others. One of the mysteries we discussed most was an incident from the 1950s referred to as the Dyatlov Pass Incident which involved the strange deaths of a group of Russian hikers.

I recently read an article about how there was a plausible solving of the Dyatlov Pass mystery and it was a little bittersweet reading about it. I was so excited to find out about the possible conclusion to this mystery that my dad and I had spent so long theorizing about but then it stung a bit knowing that I’d never be able to discuss it with him, especially when I know how excited he’d be to hear about it. But then I remembered that quote, and I know that whatever part of my dad is still in me is sharing in my excitement and that’s something I take a lot of comfort in.

My mom and I also recently got tattoos in honor of my dad. My dad never had any tattoos but before he passed he had actually decided that he wanted to go get one with me! He wanted to get the words “Remember Sammy Jankis”, a reference to one of his favorite movies ‘Memento’, but sadly we never found the time. After my dad passed, I felt compelled to get it tattooed on myself, so that in a strange way we would still have the experience of going to get those tattoos together.

I’m always going to miss the late night conversations with my dad and will probably always feel a little regret over the experiences we missed out on. But I’m so thankful for the time we had and for everything he’s imparted to me.

Robin:
I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t speak a little bit about Dave’s connection to the four-legged members of the family. Dave was never the one who wanted to adopt a new pet, but when any of us brought a new animal home, they invariably adored Dave and he would likewise get attached. The most notable example of this is when Hayley brought home a tiny pug puppy who we named Oso. Oso started the night out in a crate in Hayley’s room, but he cried so pitifully she brought him out to Dave, who was usually up very late into the night. In the morning, Dave was stretched out on the couch with little Oso curled up on his head, and they were pretty much inseparable from then on. Dave loved to spoil the dogs he knew--not just our own dogs but Kim’s dog Sherman, Toby’s dog Clea, and our next door neighbor’s dog, Sunshine. He’d cook hot dogs for them and share Costco rotisserie chicken with them. After Oso passed away and Sheman moved out (well with Kim and Jessica--he didn’t just go get his own place)--Dave still doted on our sweet, elderly, diabetic cat named Nell. We adopted her when she was 14 and I think she had the most pampered golden years of any cat!

One of the ways our family has always connected was through humor. Dave had a great sense of humor and a love of the absurd. We all loved to watch Mystery Science Theater and Rifftax, which are basically hilariously bad movies with people making jokes over them. Dave was also a big fan of Monty Python and books by Douglas Adams, especially the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. When I was pregnant with Hayley, I would be so tired and Dave would read aloud to me from the Hitchhiker’s guide while I rested (this was before audible and spotify). He’d do all of the voices and his voice for Marvin the Depressed Robot was awesome. He introduced the book to our kids by playing the audiobook on our family road trip to San Francisco.

Dave would probably be looking at his watch right now and wondering if this was an appropriate time to leave the service. In honor of that, we’re going to wrap up our talking. I know for sure that Dave would not want us to be focusing on our sadness right now, but would want us to (in the words of Monty Python) “always look on the bright side of life.” Read less

Eulogy for David Sante Ancona
Presented at His Celebration of Life on June 11, 2023 by Robin, Hayley, Trevor, and Katelyn

Robin:
I know this is the part where I should say that Dave would be so happy to see all of you here and how much he’d want to be here—but of course, if you knew Dave, you know he’d have had major anxiety about being at this group function. But he would absolutely be so glad to know that there’s so many people who are here to support me and the kids through this extremely... Read more difficult time.

I met Dave when we were both working at Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlor in Chula Vista. I was a server and he was the manager, so I only knew him as Mr. Ancona. His name tag even just said “Mr. Ancona.”When we started going out, I would tell my friends, “I have another date with Mr. Ancona” and it was about 3 dates in that I actually learned his first name was Dave. The first conversation I ever had with Dave (other than work interactions) was about Toby. He told me that he had a kid that he wasn’t allowed to see and how much he wished he could be part of that child’s life. When we found out we were expecting Hayley, Dave was so excited! He loved being a dad and he cherished our three kids. They were what he was most proud of—and not only our biological kids, but also who we referred to as our “almost kids”: Jessica, Joyner, and Alex. When I was younger, I actually wanted to have 6 kids--turns out the best way to do that is to have 3 kids and have each of them bring a friend into the family! In 2013, when Dave and Toby found each other, it was such a healing experience for Dave. The really great thing is that, not only did he get a relationship with this now grown child he always wondered about--he also got to be a grandpa to 2 beautiful kids (Kylie and Jayce) and a father-in-law to Toby’s wife Brooke.

Hayley:
It can be hard to connect with little kids, but my Dad really made an effort to connect with me and my siblings through our interests. One of my earliest memories of my dad was me asking him how to draw the sun. He gently took my paper, and explained as he drew. It was just a circle with some lines, but it felt monumental to me. He always encouraged my creativity, and loved engaging with my various artistic projects- even when I was just a child.

He initially watched cartoons with us because it made us happy- but he found some favorite shows he was also excited to watch with us. Whenever Angry Beavers, Hey Arnold, or Invader Zim was on- all of us knew we had to watch together. I attribute a lot of my humor now to those favorite shows.

When Trevor and I were in grade school, we got caught up in the Pokemon craze. We loved Pokemon cards. Though Mom taught us the card game rules, Dad soon took interest in what had captivated us. I remember so many days after school, building our decks and playing cards in the backyard.

He also, in turn, loved sharing his interests with us. If we got him into Pokemon cards, it was only fair that he taught us more classic card games. Our favorite was Texas Hold ‘Em Poker. (Don’t worry, no gambling…!) We completely missed that the point of poker was to bluff and NOT give away your hand.

He got us into Star Trek. I wasn’t much of a fan of sci-fi, but I wanted to love the things he loved. In particular, we watched a lot of Star Trek: Voyager with him. It’s a bit of the “black sheep” of the franchise, but I found myself loving the characters and storylines in that world. Voyager always makes me think of him.

Dad had a pretty easy time connecting with little kids--and connecting with adults could often be more challenging for him, But in the last few years when I’d come home to visit, I could see that my dad was more peaceful with himself and more open to opportunities to connect. He’d been reading about Buddhism, as a philosophy. He’d gotten to see his children as adults, and was thoroughly enjoying being a grandfather. I could see that he and my mom’s relationship as a couple had only blossomed as they got older. He seemed to truly be at peace with life. While I wish we had more time, I think he learned to appreciate the time he had.

Trevor:
In the last few years since the quarantine, Dad has been the person I talked with the most. Since I was suddenly at home all the time I wanted to try watching every single episode of Star Trek. And so it became a regular thing, every day me and dad would watch Star Trek. We watched over six hundred episodes and thirteen movies since... But what was most important was the time spent together through it, and the conversations we would have. For us, watching science fiction together was an opportunity to talk about our interests: philosophy, scientific theory, and occasionally riffing on a bad episode.

I always loved talking with Dad, I felt like we understood each other even when I was kid. He was a deep thinker, and always encouraged me to expand my horizons and kept me curious about the world. I miss him every day.

Kate:
I read a quote somewhere that said, “When a parent dies it means that now they get to experience life through you.” And I’ve taken that to heart in multiple ways. One of those ways is in appreciating the parts of my dad that I see in myself.

One of my favorite traits that I think I got from my dad is his curious nature. He loved reading about unsolved mysteries and discussing his various theories on them. And my dad and I had a lot of great late night conversations discussing our theories on Jack the Ripper, Somerton Man and lots of others. One of the mysteries we discussed most was an incident from the 1950s referred to as the Dyatlov Pass Incident which involved the strange deaths of a group of Russian hikers.

I recently read an article about how there was a plausible solving of the Dyatlov Pass mystery and it was a little bittersweet reading about it. I was so excited to find out about the possible conclusion to this mystery that my dad and I had spent so long theorizing about but then it stung a bit knowing that I’d never be able to discuss it with him, especially when I know how excited he’d be to hear about it. But then I remembered that quote, and I know that whatever part of my dad is still in me is sharing in my excitement and that’s something I take a lot of comfort in.

My mom and I also recently got tattoos in honor of my dad. My dad never had any tattoos but before he passed he had actually decided that he wanted to go get one with me! He wanted to get the words “Remember Sammy Jankis”, a reference to one of his favorite movies ‘Memento’, but sadly we never found the time. After my dad passed, I felt compelled to get it tattooed on myself, so that in a strange way we would still have the experience of going to get those tattoos together.

I’m always going to miss the late night conversations with my dad and will probably always feel a little regret over the experiences we missed out on. But I’m so thankful for the time we had and for everything he’s imparted to me.

Robin:
I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t speak a little bit about Dave’s connection to the four-legged members of the family. Dave was never the one who wanted to adopt a new pet, but when any of us brought a new animal home, they invariably adored Dave and he would likewise get attached. The most notable example of this is when Hayley brought home a tiny pug puppy who we named Oso. Oso started the night out in a crate in Hayley’s room, but he cried so pitifully she brought him out to Dave, who was usually up very late into the night. In the morning, Dave was stretched out on the couch with little Oso curled up on his head, and they were pretty much inseparable from then on. Dave loved to spoil the dogs he knew--not just our own dogs but Kim’s dog Sherman, Toby’s dog Clea, and our next door neighbor’s dog, Sunshine. He’d cook hot dogs for them and share Costco rotisserie chicken with them. After Oso passed away and Sheman moved out (well with Kim and Jessica--he didn’t just go get his own place)--Dave still doted on our sweet, elderly, diabetic cat named Nell. We adopted her when she was 14 and I think she had the most pampered golden years of any cat!

One of the ways our family has always connected was through humor. Dave had a great sense of humor and a love of the absurd. We all loved to watch Mystery Science Theater and Rifftax, which are basically hilariously bad movies with people making jokes over them. Dave was also a big fan of Monty Python and books by Douglas Adams, especially the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. When I was pregnant with Hayley, I would be so tired and Dave would read aloud to me from the Hitchhiker’s guide while I rested (this was before audible and spotify). He’d do all of the voices and his voice for Marvin the Depressed Robot was awesome. He introduced the book to our kids by playing the audiobook on our family road trip to San Francisco.

Dave would probably be looking at his watch right now and wondering if this was an appropriate time to leave the service. In honor of that, we’re going to wrap up our talking. I know for sure that Dave would not want us to be focusing on our sadness right now, but would want us to (in the words of Monty Python) “always look on the bright side of life.” Read less