Darleen was my best friend and roommate of about 7 years during & after college. She was a member of my chosen family who taught me about the lasting & unconditional love of true friendship; punk and goth music & fashion; Chinese culture, food & history and a few words of Mandarin; and how steel-toed boots are perfectly acceptable footwear with cocktail dresses, especially when fighting the patriarchy. She was my favorite bridge partner and we two stayed up late many a night playing music & talking about everything & nothing over countless rounds of gin rummy. She put up with all the stray kittens I adopted, and I dealt with finding stray Cheerios - her favorite snack - everywhere we lived. Her giggle was marvelously infectious and she would always sneeze at least three times in a row.
Darleen & I stayed in touch when she left Charlottesville after finishing grad school in the late 90s, and I visited her several times a year when she moved to NYC and a couple times when she lived in California. Like chosen family, we could always pick up where we left off, but I dearly missed her daily presence in my everyday life. Before she was diagnosed with cancer this winter, we were plotting a reunion with Su-Jin & Lynne & our respective families, possibly in Lynne’s home country of Barbados where we four had an unforgettable time in our 20s.
The loss of Darleen is gutting. I am still in denial she’s gone and my eyes swell up whenever I hear The Cure. Her love, support, and friendship were an integral part of my life when I needed it most. When remembering her, college friends call her luminous & iconic, which is so spot-on. I also call her sister, and I wish I didn’t think I still had time to tell her just how much she means to me.
Rest in power, dear one. I love you & miss you so much, and I will hold you in my heart forever. 🖤
My love & condolences to James & her parents, her partner Chris, and her friends all over the world.
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My dear friend, I can still hear your voice in my head … how you say my name, how you laugh, how you would convince us to seek as much fun as possible at all times. From the simplest moments meeting up at Dirty Nellys or Southern Culture ... sitting on your roof outside your window playing records waiting for the beverages to chill... playing bridge all day (two tables going) ... and that's just Charlottesville! Getting tattoos together and you stood by my side as I got married… Riding a giant banana boat in Barbados and watching you drive on the "wrong" side of the road. You brought joy and adventure into so many good times we've had. And how lucky was I that you moved to SF ... I got to spend more years of delight with you ... much of it dancing until dawn. I wish I had a lot more. I did not want to say goodbye. I will listen to your everlasting spirit and try to keep smiling every time I think of you (even if I'm completely heartbroken at the moment). I am so utterly blessed to have you as my friend and love you dearly - that will never ever go away ❤️ My heart and deepest condolences go out to your family.
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Darleen was a force of nature. Smart, kind, unconventional, fun-loving...I will always remember our fun times in grad school when she was working so hard in school but would call us up at 10 pm on a Wednesday to go out: "come on, get out of your pajamas". She always charted her own course in life. My heart goes out to Chris, her family and friends and her kitties.
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