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In memory of
Corlene LaMay Sharnowski
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A letter to those who dare feel,
On December 8th, 2022, the most beautiful, loving, and selfless person I have ever met has just taken her last breath, earned her wings, and began her journey to the gates of heaven. I write this in honor of Corlene LaMay Sharnowski, age 87, nearly 88, who has always been my protecting grandma, my loving muma, and my dearest friend.
I have had the privilege of caring for my grandmother in her last years of life, just as she has cared for me since the day I was born. She has taught me so much about life, the importance of family, and how important it is to tell those you love, just how very much you do love them and appreciate them!
There have been tough mountains to climb and some so beautiful you don't even realize you’re already exhausted, far before you reach the top. We have overcome so much together, and as a family. She had a small handful of those who cared for her deeply, every single day, never leaving her side, and others who cared from a distance, and those who wanted to care but were too scared to bear or assume the thought of how life had changed so much for her. Regardless of what your role was within her life, have faith in knowing that she had never stopped thinking about you or worrying for you.
My Grandma, My Muma, My Mom, has been one of the most inspirational persons I have ever met. She'd say, “no matter what, I love you, I will always love you, no matter what!" It didn’t matter how angry you got at her, no matter how long it had been since you had come to visit, it didn't even matter the cost; she has always cared and loved all of us endlessly.
In 2018, she fell ill, by far the illest that I have ever seen her. She fought the hardest I had ever seen anyone ever fight to stay alive, and by God, she pulled through. Through this, she had then come into my care, fighting each day, and proving her strength in order to return home on her own in 2019. In 2021, we find ourselves in another similar situation. Her health had taken a turn for the worse, chronic infections, kidney failure, and dementia slowly progressing and taking over who she once was. I would make those same sacrifices in 2021, but on a much larger scale this time around. She moved into my home, where I cared for her daily, around the clock, with only the help of my immediate family - those who lived with me, and those I could only afford to provide me with little relief for a short time as I worked or attended special events that her health would not allow. I will be the first to tell you how extremely difficult it was to see her like this at times, but the love she had taught me would never let me sway from loving or caring for her in the way I knew I was the only one who could. I knew that I was a reason for her living.
Her health showed much improvement, resulting in less need of medical devices, not a single infection in over a year, removal of feeding tubes, and she needed far less medication. She weighed the most she had weighed in the last 5 years, maintaining it, and she was happy, oh boy was she happy!!
This past summer we made so many memories together. Despite her not being able to see, her hearing fading, and her mind slowly slipping, she trusted me with her every need. She knew that I would never let her down, and I surely can’t now.
I remember in July, we had been spending a lot of time outdoors, gardening, yard work, and enjoying family time, she heard me start the four-wheeler up and asked what that was. I explained what a four-wheeler was and to my surprise she asked if she could ride on it. I was floored with her request but entirely excited at the same time! I kept asking her if she was sure, she was undoubtedly sure she wanted to try. She always told me, "Now you know my girl, you can only try new things out once in a lifetime. Now let's do it" I hopped on and assisted her with getting on. I'll never forget the smile she had and the laughs we shared as a family as we rode around the yard. "I'm almost 90 years old, and I can't believe I've never tried this!" "I'm almost 90 years old......." She'd say that all the time! This is only one of many memories over the last year that I get to carry on with me, throughout life, and without this time, I'm not sure where I would be, now that she’s gone. I am strong believer that everything happens for a reason; reasons for which we may know now, may come to learn of, or those that remain unanswered.
I will say, never in a thousand years would I have ever expected this to be this hard. I am here to share with you, my thoughts and feelings about what this does to a person. I can't even imagine life without her here in my home, let alone not anywhere on this earth!
Life is so short, so incredibly short, and just when you think you have more time, it's gone! Just like that! Entirely gone, with not a single thing you can do about it. No chances to try harder, no second chances to change anything, no chances to fix things, and no time to say the things you wish had.
If I would have only known, if any of us ever knew we were about to lose someone we love dearly, we would all do things differently! I can assure you this. Please, if there is anything you can take from my experience, please know, life is precious, we feel so much as God's children, and everyone has an ending, we will all die someday. Make your time here the very best that you can! Tell those that you love; how much you love them, and just how much you care. It will go a long way in the end.
We as people first, always tend to leave finances for last, which in times like this, I promise you it makes your experience even harder. Not having resources to care for death, which is a tremendous expense, both financially and emotionally, leaves a tremendous burden on those that you love. It leaves no time for grieving, let alone healing. It leaves your loved ones no time for sleep, no time to eat, no time to care for themselves or their family during such a loss.
Family, friends, and compassion is what life is all about. She has taught me, without love in your heart, you have little. When you lose your money, you lose nothing. When you lose your health, you lose somethings. When you lose your character, you lose everything! Life is what you make it, so don’t you ever forget that.
Throughout my life, I’ve always had some inclination that people know when it’s their time to go, but now, now I know this is certain. This is so true. Over the last month, as we planned her birthday (which is on 12/17) she’d say, “I’d love to have this…., I hope this person comes…. and that person…., we can go here…. Or maybe they’ll want to go there…., but honey, I hope you know that I’m not going to make it to my birthday.” I’d quickly follow up, “Mum, please don’t talk like that. What do you mean, it's right around the corner. You have plenty of time.” Well, once again, she proved to win that outcome. Like a dear friend always says when he sees me, “Becky wins again!” it always makes me smile to hear…. But boy if he only knew my grandma like I did…. It wouldn’t be “Becky win’s again, it’d be Gram wins all the time!” She always knew when things were going to happen and she’d tell me that, over and over, just let it be…. “Things will happen when they are supposed to happen.”
If only I believed her, as she told me over and over, “Honey it's my time. It’s time for me to go. I need you to live your life to the fullest and stop giving away your youth. You help everyone, with whatever they need, it’s your time” The sad part is, I never felt that way, so much so, that I wish she hadn’t. I would have cared for her until the day I died, God willing. If there is anything else that my grandma taught me, it would be that asking for help, sometimes, is okay, for as long as you never take it for granted, and never take advantage of those who are willing to care for you so much!
Only now do I know how hard it is to lose someone so dear, believe me when I say it’s harder than caring for someone’s every need and want all hours of the day, so much harder than tending to financial affairs, so much harder than giving up the things you love to care for those you love more, it’s simply too hard.
I come to you, in sincerest care of my grandma, in one final thought, one final message, and one final wish; if there is anything, anything at all, that you can think of that would help ease the pain that our family carries, that I carry, that our children carry, that my health carries, please know, I am entirely grateful, we are blessed to have you, and please believe, I know my grandma is smiling down on you, right aside any of those that you have ever lost so dear to your heart.
With all my love,
Rebecca Mary Hornacek Contribute
On December 8th, 2022, the most beautiful, loving, and selfless person I have ever met has just taken her last breath, earned her wings, and began her journey to the gates of heaven. I write this in honor of Corlene LaMay Sharnowski, age 87, nearly 88, who has always been my protecting grandma, my loving muma, and my dearest friend.
I have had the privilege of caring for my grandmother in her last years of life, just as she has cared for me since the day I was born. She has taught me so much about life, the importance of family, and how important it is to tell those you love, just how very much you do love them and appreciate them!
There have been tough mountains to climb and some so beautiful you don't even realize you’re already exhausted, far before you reach the top. We have overcome so much together, and as a family. She had a small handful of those who cared for her deeply, every single day, never leaving her side, and others who cared from a distance, and those who wanted to care but were too scared to bear or assume the thought of how life had changed so much for her. Regardless of what your role was within her life, have faith in knowing that she had never stopped thinking about you or worrying for you.
My Grandma, My Muma, My Mom, has been one of the most inspirational persons I have ever met. She'd say, “no matter what, I love you, I will always love you, no matter what!" It didn’t matter how angry you got at her, no matter how long it had been since you had come to visit, it didn't even matter the cost; she has always cared and loved all of us endlessly.
In 2018, she fell ill, by far the illest that I have ever seen her. She fought the hardest I had ever seen anyone ever fight to stay alive, and by God, she pulled through. Through this, she had then come into my care, fighting each day, and proving her strength in order to return home on her own in 2019. In 2021, we find ourselves in another similar situation. Her health had taken a turn for the worse, chronic infections, kidney failure, and dementia slowly progressing and taking over who she once was. I would make those same sacrifices in 2021, but on a much larger scale this time around. She moved into my home, where I cared for her daily, around the clock, with only the help of my immediate family - those who lived with me, and those I could only afford to provide me with little relief for a short time as I worked or attended special events that her health would not allow. I will be the first to tell you how extremely difficult it was to see her like this at times, but the love she had taught me would never let me sway from loving or caring for her in the way I knew I was the only one who could. I knew that I was a reason for her living.
Her health showed much improvement, resulting in less need of medical devices, not a single infection in over a year, removal of feeding tubes, and she needed far less medication. She weighed the most she had weighed in the last 5 years, maintaining it, and she was happy, oh boy was she happy!!
This past summer we made so many memories together. Despite her not being able to see, her hearing fading, and her mind slowly slipping, she trusted me with her every need. She knew that I would never let her down, and I surely can’t now.
I remember in July, we had been spending a lot of time outdoors, gardening, yard work, and enjoying family time, she heard me start the four-wheeler up and asked what that was. I explained what a four-wheeler was and to my surprise she asked if she could ride on it. I was floored with her request but entirely excited at the same time! I kept asking her if she was sure, she was undoubtedly sure she wanted to try. She always told me, "Now you know my girl, you can only try new things out once in a lifetime. Now let's do it" I hopped on and assisted her with getting on. I'll never forget the smile she had and the laughs we shared as a family as we rode around the yard. "I'm almost 90 years old, and I can't believe I've never tried this!" "I'm almost 90 years old......." She'd say that all the time! This is only one of many memories over the last year that I get to carry on with me, throughout life, and without this time, I'm not sure where I would be, now that she’s gone. I am strong believer that everything happens for a reason; reasons for which we may know now, may come to learn of, or those that remain unanswered.
I will say, never in a thousand years would I have ever expected this to be this hard. I am here to share with you, my thoughts and feelings about what this does to a person. I can't even imagine life without her here in my home, let alone not anywhere on this earth!
Life is so short, so incredibly short, and just when you think you have more time, it's gone! Just like that! Entirely gone, with not a single thing you can do about it. No chances to try harder, no second chances to change anything, no chances to fix things, and no time to say the things you wish had.
If I would have only known, if any of us ever knew we were about to lose someone we love dearly, we would all do things differently! I can assure you this. Please, if there is anything you can take from my experience, please know, life is precious, we feel so much as God's children, and everyone has an ending, we will all die someday. Make your time here the very best that you can! Tell those that you love; how much you love them, and just how much you care. It will go a long way in the end.
We as people first, always tend to leave finances for last, which in times like this, I promise you it makes your experience even harder. Not having resources to care for death, which is a tremendous expense, both financially and emotionally, leaves a tremendous burden on those that you love. It leaves no time for grieving, let alone healing. It leaves your loved ones no time for sleep, no time to eat, no time to care for themselves or their family during such a loss.
Family, friends, and compassion is what life is all about. She has taught me, without love in your heart, you have little. When you lose your money, you lose nothing. When you lose your health, you lose somethings. When you lose your character, you lose everything! Life is what you make it, so don’t you ever forget that.
Throughout my life, I’ve always had some inclination that people know when it’s their time to go, but now, now I know this is certain. This is so true. Over the last month, as we planned her birthday (which is on 12/17) she’d say, “I’d love to have this…., I hope this person comes…. and that person…., we can go here…. Or maybe they’ll want to go there…., but honey, I hope you know that I’m not going to make it to my birthday.” I’d quickly follow up, “Mum, please don’t talk like that. What do you mean, it's right around the corner. You have plenty of time.” Well, once again, she proved to win that outcome. Like a dear friend always says when he sees me, “Becky wins again!” it always makes me smile to hear…. But boy if he only knew my grandma like I did…. It wouldn’t be “Becky win’s again, it’d be Gram wins all the time!” She always knew when things were going to happen and she’d tell me that, over and over, just let it be…. “Things will happen when they are supposed to happen.”
If only I believed her, as she told me over and over, “Honey it's my time. It’s time for me to go. I need you to live your life to the fullest and stop giving away your youth. You help everyone, with whatever they need, it’s your time” The sad part is, I never felt that way, so much so, that I wish she hadn’t. I would have cared for her until the day I died, God willing. If there is anything else that my grandma taught me, it would be that asking for help, sometimes, is okay, for as long as you never take it for granted, and never take advantage of those who are willing to care for you so much!
Only now do I know how hard it is to lose someone so dear, believe me when I say it’s harder than caring for someone’s every need and want all hours of the day, so much harder than tending to financial affairs, so much harder than giving up the things you love to care for those you love more, it’s simply too hard.
I come to you, in sincerest care of my grandma, in one final thought, one final message, and one final wish; if there is anything, anything at all, that you can think of that would help ease the pain that our family carries, that I carry, that our children carry, that my health carries, please know, I am entirely grateful, we are blessed to have you, and please believe, I know my grandma is smiling down on you, right aside any of those that you have ever lost so dear to your heart.
With all my love,
Rebecca Mary Hornacek Contribute
Funds are being collected and disbursed by Rebecca Hornacek, Corlene's granddaughter.
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