Eulogy read by mom:
First, let me take this moment to thank each and every one of you who showed up today. It means so much to our family to have this support system in place after the passing of our beloved bubble boy, Conner.
Vivene Greene once said,“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” and what a mighty fine dance we danced for the last 14 years.
Conner was born the morning of October 25, 2010 at Orange Park Medical Center and I will save you all from his long winded birth story but I will say that he really was such a happy go-lucky baby. He loved eating anything and everything, and always had a spoon in a hand if not both. He loved going to grandmas and listening to papaw play his guitar. Andrew and Conner were thick as thieves and did everything together. Haylee was always and will always be the best big sister for all of her siblings. Conner truly was a happy duck and his smile was contagious.. One thing I am thankful for is that I was able to hear his first and only word, which was “mama” before his life completely changed.
As many of you know, Conner has been on borrowed time now for 13 years. His near-drowning accident in 2011 was a devastating event that felt like a 100yr nightmare. If it wasn’t for the quick responses from his nana and other medical personnel, we wouldn’t have been given a second chance to love him a little longer.
Those first few weeks in the hospital were some of the hardest and darkest days of our lives but with each day we gained a little more hope. Like Dr. Jason Scimemei used to say, “I am going to stay cautiously optimistic for a positive outcome”. Which was better than the neurologist, who said, “by the time he is 2, that's the best he will ever get.” Years of countless appointments, surgeries and tears had to happen before we finally got Conner to be medically stable. Then one day, that same neurologist said to me “I can't believe how much he can do. I may not have liked that you wouldn't take my word as is, but I admired your dedication to your son and the fact that you never gave up. I have learned a lot from you and from Conner too. It has changed me and how I am as a doctor.” This was the day I stopped referring to him as Dr. Harry Asshole. Ortho wasn't much better when they once suggested removing his hip joints because he's non weight bearing but it would make his legs floppy and I looked at my son, without missing a beat and said, “awe did hear that Conner? You'd be mommy's floppy little asshole.” Clearly I had pet names for everyone including my own kid. If calling him names wasn't bad enough, I once put pop rocks in his mouth during physical therapy. He stopped mid kick and went bugged eyed because he had no idea what was going on. In my defense it was a nice reward for a job well done, but I digress.
Even though this adventure with Conner wasn't what we planned, We were definitely not prepared or ready to have strangers in and out of our house at all hours. Somehow we made it work. We also weren't prepared for all the doctor visits, hospital stays, food baskets, countless DCF visits, medical supplies, but it all became a new normal overnight.
Conner quickly became a patient of Community PedsCare. They would send a social worker and a nurse to see if we needed any help and even if I said no, they would come back in a month or two and ask me again and again. One thing he loved about the program was getting massage therapy, but who wouldn't!!. My favorite person will always be Danielle, the child life specialist. She would come and do different activities with Conner. She did fun activities with both Andrew (before he became too cool to participate) and Zoey too. She helped me realize early on that it is possible to have a semi-normal life even if we have to modify every single thing we do. It helped that I always tried to talk to him and treated him like he was a normal kiddo as much as possible
Back in February of 2016, Dreams Come True of Jacksonville (like make-a-wish), sent Conner to Disney!. We spent a week in Orlando at a place called, Give Kids the World Village.. The best part of that trip, besides ice cream for breakfast, was when we went to Medieval times and Conner was knighted as the PRINCE of the castle by the king. At Disney, I actually got him out of the wheelchair and I held him as we rode the Haunted Mansion ride together. He was not a fan, but feeling him snuggle deeper into me on a theme park ride, is a memory I will always cherish.
Conner’s life may not have been typical, but finding a new normal for him wasn't as hard as I thought. As his care became easier, we were able to do more with him. The first restaurant he ever went to was Olive Garden. He went to the art museum with his cousin Alexus. He got to splurge on gummy worms at Sweet Petes after enjoying a lazy stroll at MOSH. He even had the opportunity to visit the Jacksonville Zoo once. One of his favorite places to go was to Halloween Doors and More. It was a fundraiser for the PedsCare program. It was the one thing we could all do as a family every year to show our love and support for him. And YES, Conner did get a say in what silly costumes I put him in. He was everything from MR. Smee (from peter pan), an army tank, A Music DJ, star Trek BORG cube, an infamous painter, a A blackJack Dealer, INKY-The Blue Ghost from Pacman, Helium (as in balloons), A pumpkin, A bunny, Luigi, A Jar of pickles, and most recently, Octopussy (sorry, An octopus with cat ears.)
Conner was able to learn and figure out how to communicate with us using YES and NO responses. He would make mean faces if he didn't like something, or play possum if he really didn’t like the person around him. He learned to lift his arm up or nod his head for yes. He would also raise his pinkie finger as if it was his middle finger, need I say more. From time to time he would wave his pinky as if he was saying bye to someone.
He loved getting his hair colored and his back scratched. He spent most of his time just hanging out in his bed watching TV. One of his favorite people was his teacher, Mrs. Crawford. She had a way with him and the two of them had a very unique bond. He was always excited to see her because he knew he had a 50/50 chance of getting to hold the glue stick on the days she was over. She is actually the main reason we were finally able to communicate with him. She even started putting his art work on display at the Clay County fair which resulted in blue ribbons and cash prizes. Conner was never left out in activities if we could help it. We would include him as much as we could when as long as it felt safe to do so.
These last few months were hard for me watching him struggle with the chronic infections and not feeling like we could do as much with him, but I always tried to make things seem cheerful. Even if that meant transforming his room into an underwater oasis and his bed into a submarine. The most recent thing we did was we started a road trip across the states as it was just another thing on a long list of things he would never do. Unfortunately, we only made it to Hawaii, Alaska, Washington and Oregon. One part of his lesson plan included trying coffee down his feeding tube. Let's just say the teacher was happy to see him wide awake and ready to participate while the one nurse said that the coffee was a little too strong if you know what I mean. At least little sister Zoey was around to keep him and his nurses entertained with her crazy shenanigans.
Even though his respite staycation turned into hospice comfort care, we never stopped having fun with him. We all played with his hair, his teacher read the Oregon trail to him and child-life had him creating art with his feet. On the last night in hospice, his dad and momma #2 snuck in some
Jack and Jameson and we gave him his first taste of alcohol as we toasted in his honor with Haylee and Andrew. What can I say, every boy deserves to share a drink with his old man and his mother too.
Conner was so special. I know every parent feels that way about their kid, but it's true -- he was unique. Losing him is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and I know the spot left behind by him is irreplaceable -- I will deal with that for the rest of my days. At the same time, I have been grieving my son since the near-drowning accident. Deep down I believe that Conner would want his memory to be celebrated and honored through love, laughter, adventure, art, and in back scratches.
Please take time to live life to its fullest and don’t leave behind any regrets.
Bon Voyage, bubbie…
-Read by: Sabrina Anderson
Share with others
