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In memory of
Charles "Bury" Davis Bowen III
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Background
My amazing husband went to the hospital on Sunday paralyzed on the left side due to a massive stroke. He was supposed to be life flighted to a hospital 3 hours away. Unfortunately the winds that day were to fierce and he was driven. By the time he arrived he had had massive strokes on both sides and was completely paralyzed and unable to communicate. By the time the hospital called me, they had already received information that he was to be a DNR.
I arrived at the hospital Monday evening. Immediately pleading with staff to remove the DNR. I explained that I am his legal wife and medical decisions legally lie with me. I let them know Charles has 3 young children and didn't want to leave them behind so young. I explained I've seen multiple stroke victims with a grim prognosis who are alive and working 20 years later. I begged for more time. I told them they could request the legal document for the level of life saving measures my husband had chosen and signed. They could get it from our PCP or the hospital in our town. I even knew the exact level he had chosen... life saving measures up to and including a trial period of tube feeding. Their only response "was he sober?" Really? He has 3 young children who adore their father as much as he adored them. Children who have lost a brother and a grandfather recently that lived with us. Lost another grandpa that lived directly across the street. Their father is worth saving and he deserves that chance.
Nothing. I laid in that hospital bed with my dear husband for 8 hours until he stopped breathing. He was not given oxygen, not a heart monitor. Nothing. Just a morphine drip to keep him easily manageable. I'm not stupid. I've cared for 2 hospice patients in my home. It's no secret that morphine definitely makes it easier on the living.
My husband left behind a 3 minor children. My husband was truly tormented his entire life by multiple circumstances but still managed to fall in love once, at the age of 35 and throw his whole heart into it. He was the most loving, caring father I have ever seen. He overcame so much adversity and worked so hard to learn stuff the rest of us learn at very young ages and take for granted. Driving- he was 40. Also got his first job at 40. I was so proud of him.
He was my opposite. I'm high strung and always on the go. He was thorough, patient and attentive. While I was busy taking care of all the day to day stuff (because I wanted to), he was good at recognizing when I or one of the kids were getting overwhelmed and quietly take the time to address us, giving his full attention and making us feel heard. It was amazing.
I want to be able to give this amazing man the send off he deserves. As he's native American, there's a whole lot of cultural traditions that need to be honored. This will be where the majority of any donations will go. It will also cover a portion of the funeral costs. Any remainder will go to other necessary expenses... such as food and clothing for the children to wear to the funeral.
I would appreciate any amount that people can comfortablypart with. The tribe is very generous with it's members but there are still a lot of other costs. Any money collected would help tremendously to honor this amazing man and give him the send off he deserves. Please. Contribute
I arrived at the hospital Monday evening. Immediately pleading with staff to remove the DNR. I explained that I am his legal wife and medical decisions legally lie with me. I let them know Charles has 3 young children and didn't want to leave them behind so young. I explained I've seen multiple stroke victims with a grim prognosis who are alive and working 20 years later. I begged for more time. I told them they could request the legal document for the level of life saving measures my husband had chosen and signed. They could get it from our PCP or the hospital in our town. I even knew the exact level he had chosen... life saving measures up to and including a trial period of tube feeding. Their only response "was he sober?" Really? He has 3 young children who adore their father as much as he adored them. Children who have lost a brother and a grandfather recently that lived with us. Lost another grandpa that lived directly across the street. Their father is worth saving and he deserves that chance.
Nothing. I laid in that hospital bed with my dear husband for 8 hours until he stopped breathing. He was not given oxygen, not a heart monitor. Nothing. Just a morphine drip to keep him easily manageable. I'm not stupid. I've cared for 2 hospice patients in my home. It's no secret that morphine definitely makes it easier on the living.
My husband left behind a 3 minor children. My husband was truly tormented his entire life by multiple circumstances but still managed to fall in love once, at the age of 35 and throw his whole heart into it. He was the most loving, caring father I have ever seen. He overcame so much adversity and worked so hard to learn stuff the rest of us learn at very young ages and take for granted. Driving- he was 40. Also got his first job at 40. I was so proud of him.
He was my opposite. I'm high strung and always on the go. He was thorough, patient and attentive. While I was busy taking care of all the day to day stuff (because I wanted to), he was good at recognizing when I or one of the kids were getting overwhelmed and quietly take the time to address us, giving his full attention and making us feel heard. It was amazing.
I want to be able to give this amazing man the send off he deserves. As he's native American, there's a whole lot of cultural traditions that need to be honored. This will be where the majority of any donations will go. It will also cover a portion of the funeral costs. Any remainder will go to other necessary expenses... such as food and clothing for the children to wear to the funeral.
I would appreciate any amount that people can comfortablypart with. The tribe is very generous with it's members but there are still a lot of other costs. Any money collected would help tremendously to honor this amazing man and give him the send off he deserves. Please. Contribute
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In lieu of flowers
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$5,000
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Show your support:
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Created with love by
Athena Barber (Bury's wife).
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