My mother’s eulogy:
“ My mother had a way of making me feel deeply seen, and valued for who I was. Any insecurities I felt and expressed to her were immediately met with rebuttals, and appraisement. Parents can be forbidding and critical, but never Caroline. From the way I did my makeup, to the way I parent my daughter, she always supported my decisions, and encouraged me to be unapologetically Maia. She made me feel as though I could do anything, because with every fiber of her being, she believed in me. When I was growing up, she used to call me the “Special Bee,” which prevailed all the way into my 20s.
That’s what my mother was good at. She made those around her feel special, because my mother saw the light everyone, especially those seemingly benighted, and rejected by the world. She had said to me on more than one occasion that she felt a calling or pull to serve those in need. She would say to me, “Maia, these are my people.” If what they say is true — that we’re all here to fulfill a specific purpose — than in the eyes God, my mother did her job. Ask anyone who knew her, and they’d say without hesitation that one of her greatest qualities was compassion. I watched my mother countless times pour from an empty cup, and give when she hardly had enough for herself. Money, food, or even a bus pass, if she had it, she’d give it.
And that light she could see in me, that way she made feel special, was something she could see in us all; another way she gave. She saw Christen’s light; how incredibly proud she was of her sister’s strength, and flourishing life as a nurse. She’d always say, “Christen is so beautiful.” She saw her brother Joe’s light; his perseverance and determination for a successful career, and happy family. She saw her aunty’s light; Gerry’s generosity, and concern always made my mother feel so loved, and cared for. She saw how talented her cousin Jason is, and encouraged him to never deviate from his light. She saw the light in Nick, and expressed immense pride in him for being such a doting, diligent father to their daughter. She saw the light in all of her children: Samantha’s jubilance, Alex’s depth and empathy, and Gabby’s remarkable artistic talent.
Perhaps the biggest light in my mother’s life was her mother, Joanne. Her biggest supporter, her greatest source of love, her safe space, and best friend. My mother once choked up and said to me, “Maia, gramma is my world, and if something ever happened to her, I just don’t know what I would do...”
They say that our Achilles’ heel is what we’re able to heal in others, but are unable to heal within ourselves. It’s not a secret that my mother struggled with self-love, and ironically, the ability to see her own light. My mother didn’t have it easy. She wasn’t perfect. She did struggle, and she endured a few bullies in her life that only worsened this.
But that’s okay. Because I know as you watch me read this mom, you are free. I know that as you see your loved ones gathered here in your honor, you know you were, and always will be loved. And I know that whatever wonderful world you’re feeling us from — all our love, and heartache — you can see your light now.
However, I’d still like to talk about how awesome you were here in the physical, so here it goes:
In addition to just being selfless and charitable, my mother was one of the funniest people you’d ever meet. Her dark, and at times, absolutely horrific sense of humor would leave her friends and family in hysterics. She could laugh her way through anything, the dark, the ugly, she stood tall. And even though my mother was kind, she was no force to be reckoned with. If you pissed her off enough, you’d know just how loud she could roar. When she got on her soapbox, look out! I’m sure most of us have witnessed a Caroline freak-out. My mother took pride in being different. She was super quirky in the most refreshing way, and had no interest in abiding by society’s arbitrary standards. That kind of bravery is admirable, and so rare. She had insanely good taste in music, movies, and art. She loved cult classics like The Big Lebowski, and Buffalo 66’, and listened to everything from Tupac to Alice In Chains, to her favorite band, Coheed and Cambria. Eclectic, creative, and exciting are words that come to mind when I think of her. The words “nurture,” and “mother” come to mind as well, as they encapsulate everything she aspired to be. In spite of her flaws, she loved her children more than the air she breathed. They are all she ever wanted.
I cherish the childhood memories of my mommy washing my hair in the tub and singing “Baby Beluga” to me. I cherish the days she and our uncle Jay watched my cousin Gage and I, and made us laugh with their antics. I will miss her welcoming, non-judgmental presence, and advice. I will miss the random phone calls from her at 1 AM. I will miss her thick dark hair, and her beautiful smile, and her softness. I will miss listening to her rant out on the porch with a cigarette in one hand, and a coffee in the other.
I think I speak for all of us when I say that Caroline, my dear mother, above all else was adored, hilarious, passionate, a bit misunderstood, and totally unforgettable. I promise you mom, to ensure that Honesty knows of the exceptional woman you were, and raised me to be. Thank goodness for you, and the way you melted all of our hearts. I love you.”
Your daughter, Maia. ❤️
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