My heart breaks as I must say that my youngest brother Rick has died.  My sister-in-law called, in tears, with the horrible news.

My older brother, who has been taking more care of him lately, and having not heard back from Rick for a day, went to check on him and found him deceased, on the floor, having fallen off the sofa, and having been dead about a day. We can only assume he had a heart attack or stroke.

I spoke with him about 4 days ago and was getting another package ready to mail to him. He had just gotten over a mild heart attack, recuperated, and was released from the hospital. He said he was feeling better.

But I had my reservations and continued to encourage him, as I did while he was in the hospital, to get someone to stay with him. I feared he would get in trouble, be alone, and would not be able to help himself. I was trying to figure out how to get to Texas to help him or hire someone there to do that. I had every intention of seeing him again soon and prayed to God for that to happen.    But it was not God’s plan.

Rick assured me he had that aspect covered and had someone who would stay with him. But he didn’t.

He stayed with my older brother for a couple of days and then returned to his home alone.

I talked with him then.   But he didn’t tell me that he was home alone again and I didn’t hear from him after that.

There is nothing to be done about it now except painfully accept his loss and that the world is so much lonelier today.

Rick has always been a colorful, headstrong, larger-than-life guy. Until his diabetes diagnosis, he was a large, intimidating guy who wore size 3x shirts.   Afterwards, he reduced his weight and fit into an extra-large.

He has always been an animal lover. His own dog died last month and he hesitated to adopt another one yet because of his health, I worried that he would be lonelier as a result and he was.  

He once had a beautiful palomino horse that he let me call my own.

Once, when he was a young kid, I looked out the kitchen window to see our billy goat run at him from behind and hit him in the butt, sending Rick flying thru the air. I was aghast at the time but chuckle about it now.

He has always been a proud Texan and staunch republican.  He never backed down from a fight when challenged and generally he won.

I still remember when we were in our early 20s and I was a stupid leftist, trying to set up a way to get him and my older brother to Canada to avoid being drafted - if that were to transpire.

He and I had our own squabbles, but we were always quick to make up.

Our last fight was over the photo album that my stepdad and his real dad had sent to mom and me from Korea when I was 3 years old and we lived in the garage apartment at my grandparent's home.

Rick wasn’t even born yet and I am nearly a decade older than him. But he insisted that “dad” had sent it to him and mom. We fought and I sensed that it was somehow very important to him. So I told him he could have it. That was a great pleasure to him.

Though he was never married, over the years he had several girlfriends, some who had kids, and he always treated them as his own.

Rick took great pleasure in sports, driving his motorcycle, trucks, and heavy equipment.

One of our last conversations concerned his dismay of having to lose his commercial license because of his hospitalization due to heart disease. I tried to assure him that he had lots of other options and bought him a computer so he could pursue his interests.   But I sensed his loss.

Until I got trapped in CA with the ongoing legal battles with my ex, I have many memories of Rick on birthdays, Christmases, and other events, at home in Texas and elsewhere.

In 2003 Rick drove my box van truck from Texas to CA for me and I was very grateful.   In September of this year, he offered to drive it again.   But I was not in a position yet to move the vehicle and knew he was not well.

Rick was my mom’s favorite, mostly because he has a heart bigger than Texas, and she told me so.   One of her last deathbed requests was to “Take care of Rick”. She didn’t have to worry. It was never a burden, sometimes difficult, but always a pleasure.   We honored her request the best we could and hope she is pleased with the outcome.

Like the early pilgrims, who had to bury their dead, then leave their loved ones' graves behind, and continue their arduous journey, so we too, no matter the pain, must continue on along the path to our journey’s end.

Yet, through the spirit of Christmas and Christ’s birth, God gives us hope where there was none and the promise of life beyond the grave.   He has given us limited time here and there is much evil to battle.

So let us do whatever kindnesses we can while we can.

God has a very colorful angel with a heart of gold in his heavenly flock now.

All in our family are Christians and there is no doubt we will see Rick again, along with our mom,  grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

While this world is only an illusion, still until then, on this Earthly plane, Rick remains well-loved and painfully missed.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.  I and my family are very grateful.