What is a Sister?

A sister is a forever friend. Of the many relationships in a woman’s life, the bond between sisters is unique, stretching and bending through periods of closeness and distance, but almost never breaking. Sisters are girlfriends, rivals, listening posts and so much more. Most develop an affectionate attachment that becomes a critical support system in our middle and older years. Margaret Mead once said, “Sisters are probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest.” What sets sisters apart from brothers – and also from friends – is a very intimate meshing of heart, soul, and the mystical cords of memories of sharing a past together. Sisterhood is magic.

I have been blessed with two sisters, Marilyn and Barb and in the past 19 years we’ve been fortunate to all live in the same community. We’ve had many dinners, along with our spouses and celebrated birthdays and other events together. We’ve had so much fun and shared so many laughs.

Barb and Dan were married in a very colourful RCMP wedding on June 1, 1963. They were soon thrilled with the arrival of two kids, Leslie, and Leigh a few years later. Barb did not enjoy all the transfers and moves…Regina to Saskatoon, Frobisher Bay (now known as Iqaluit), Winnipeg, Ottawa, and Peace River and she was anxious to settle somewhere permanently. We did not see them very often during these years, perhaps once a year. When Dan retired from the RCMP they settled in Armstrong, BC. This was great for us; their family was much closer and we saw more of them. Barb was excited to open a small restaurant in Armstrong called “The Donut Hut” which she lovingly managed. She enjoyed meeting so many people, from the local “regular older fellas” that came for coffee every morning to the tourists that stopped by for coffee or lunch. She came up with many delicacies she was able to “throw together” in a few minutes. Her cherry rhubarb custard pie was very popular!! Barb enjoyed getting to know and mentoring several of the young women who worked for her in the café.

Barb was thrilled to become a grandmother at the young age of 41 with the birth of Tylor, followed by 5 more grandsons. We were excited for her to be able to spend so much time with her Vernon grandboys. And at the age of 70 she became a great-grandmother, with the birth of Riley and finally was delighted with the birth of Erynn, the first little girl, a little great-granddaughter. Barb loved shopping for them all for birthdays and Christmases.

It was during this time we started our sister’s trips. Barb was instrumental in the planning. At first it was just the 3 of us. In 1995 we travelled to Seattle for a long weekend. We had a great time and a lot of laughs. From then on we invited our 2 cousins Glenda and Sandra to join us and eventually included another cousin and our daughters and daughters-in-law. We traveled to several of the Gulf Islands, the Kootenays, Silver Star Resort, the west coast of the island and even did a coastal cruise. I think one of our favorite trips was the kayaking trip to Quadra Island. We rented kayaks from Comox Valley Kayaks, they brought the kayaks and provided us with all the food and also a guide who did all the cooking. Several fellow campers walking by our campsite would give us a “thumbs up” when they saw this large group of women relaxing around the campfire while the guide, a young fellow, cooked our meals and cleaned up afterwards. What a way to go! We camped out and kayaked by day and had a raucous time at night.

As many of you know, Barb and Dan both loved to travel and especially loved cruising. While we did not get to travel on an international holiday with them, other than a trip to Hawaii in the 70’s, we were on vacation in Barbados when Barb and Dan arrived there for the day on a cruise. It happened to be my 60th birthday. We picked them up at the port and showed them many of our favourite haunts on the island. We had lunch and birthday cake at a seaside restaurant and we took them to swim at our favorite beach. They loved it! At the end of the day we delivered them back to their ship to continue their cruise. It was wonderful to be able to share my milestone birthday with them in a tropical paradise.

Barb always enjoyed a good joke and she had a playful side. I recall on one of our sister trips, I had just bought a new car that had a security system, which was fairly new at the time. Barb would sneak out and kick the tires on my new car to set the car alarm off. Barb once phoned me, laughing so hard she was crying as she relayed an incident of calling BC. Tel information to try to find the phone number and address of a distant cousin. The cousin had a bit of a crude-sounding name and the telephone operator told her there was no such person with that name and she threatened to report Barb to the police. Barb did eventually get the cousin’s number from another operator. We all, especially Barb, had a good laugh.

One of the things I cherished about Barb was her genuine kindness. If anyone in the family was ill, she would be the first to call to see how they were doing. Knowing the birthdates of many of our extended family, she would send cards and extend birthday wishes. When she knew I was going to Vancouver (or to Abu Dhabi) to visit our grandkids, she would often send along money for them. When my marriage ended and I met a new fellow, whom I later married, Barb was the first to enthusiastically welcome him to the family. I did not see my own parents for 2 years during this time as they did not approve but Barb played an important role in encouraging them to meet Viv, whom they came to love. I celebrated my 50th birthday at Silver Star mountain and Barb had a wonderful celebratory dinner at her home in Armstrong. Barb treated everyone she met with kindness and respect. Too often we underestimate the power of a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the small act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. This was our Barb.

About 5 years ago, we began to see Barb experiencing memory issues. At first, we thought it was normal aging, but over the next few years, we saw a deterioration of her memory. She was diagnosed with dementia. Having travelled this journey with our mother, it was hard to watch it happen to Barb. We knew that looking after someone suffering from this dreadful disease is exhausting and in July 2020 Dan sadly had to move Barb to a care facility for 24-hour-a-day care. She spent a year at Dufferin Place in Nanaimo as no room was to be had in the Comox Valley. In 2021 she moved to the Views in Comox where our Mom had lived at the end of her life. Barb was often unhappy in care, especially after Dan passed away in March. It saddened us to see her so heartbroken. Barb passed away on July 19th. I feel blessed and honoured that I was with her to help ease her transition.

My mind knows that you are in a better place Barb. You are at peace. I understand that. I just wish I could explain it to my heart! In the words of the late Queen Elizabeth II, “grief is the price we pay for love.” My life will never be the same without Barb.