What I Miss Every Day & Will Always Continue to Miss

A lot of people say, “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to being without him.” But that’s easier said than done. Losing a spouse is like losing your connection to the world—similar to when you’re addicted to your phone, and the internet goes down, leaving you feeling completely isolated. The difference is, when your phone service is restored, the isolation is temporary. When you’re widowed, it is permanent.

Whether it’s a spouse, a partner, or anyone you share your life with, you get used to the comfort of coming home to someone, sharing your day, and having someone to call just to chat or laugh. That constant presence becomes an irreplaceable part of your routine.

As the holidays approach, even with the love and support of family and friends, the void of your spouse is impossible to fill. Tonight, as I sit and watch my grandkids potter around, playing and wrapping me in their tight hugs, we all feel Baldi’s absence. He’s so deeply missed—his presence, his quirks, his late-night banter. The kids are incredibly brave, holding back tears as they remember their Nana.

Jia, my little one, saw me pull out his wallet from my purse earlier. She grabbed it, looked at his picture, and with a sad face whispered, “Miss Nana so much,” before hugging me tight.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were always his favorite holidays. He loved good food, good drinks, and being surrounded by family. It will never feel the same without him, but we’ll try to make the most of every moment. Life is unpredictable and far too short, and while we can’t bring him back, we can carry his memory with us in everything we do.

September 18, 2024 Dear Baldi, You left five months ago without a goodbye, just a simple "see you later." You cleaned your golf bag and left it by the garage door, ready for the day you would play again after your recovery. We went shopping for “walking shoes” for your back; you insisted I get three pairs while you settled on two. You promised we’d walk to downtown Pleasanton together to kick-start our exercise routine. Every morning, I'd wake up feeling doubtful about my recovery, and you'd motivate me with a "You can do it, Rennu."

Now, every day, I wake up feeling lost without you. I reach out, grasping for something to hold me up. Your shoes still lie in your room, waiting to be worn. I check my phone, longing for that call asking, "What's for dinner?" I watch the door, hoping it will open and you'll walk in, groceries in hand, complaining about the traffic.

Despite all the grief podcast show I hot, the sorrow remains a deep, constant ache. I try to console myself with the thought that I was lucky to have you for 27 years, but the pain only deepens. I miss you, my best friend, the best dad, and Nana ever. You weren't supposed to leave without saying goodbye. All these theories about “life must go on”, and “we all have to go” does not sit well with me. I realize now how much I relied on you in every way possible. I never got to thank you or say goodbye. 

I came back on the radio after 2 months. My last show was on April 2, and Baldi was in the hospital. He used to be my biggest supporter and critic for my shows. I miss you so much Baldi. This void is too deep and too painful to overcome.  The show today is dedicated to you, The Journey of Grief.

https://soundcloud.com/genius…

A Tribute to Baldi On Father’s Day

This message is dedicated to all the single moms dealing with deadbeat dads or ex-spouses who aren't great role models for their kids.

When I went through my divorce at the young age of 29, the idea of settling down again wasn't even on the horizon. I never imagined I would meet someone who could embrace and love my two daughters as their own. During my single years, I encountered some characters who only reinforced my fear of commitment and made me wary of the idea of ever settling down again. Then, I met Baldi.

From the beginning, I was clear about my expectations for anyone I would bring into my life as a father figure for my daughters. Baldi started our relationship by referring to them as “our girls,” and that sentiment endured for 27 wonderful years. He was the most incredible father one could ever wish for. Not once in those 27 years did my daughters ever feel like he wasn't their biological dad. He attended every school event, spent countless hours helping with homework and projects, cooked their favorite dinners, and watched Disney movies on repeat. His patience and compassion were truly remarkable. In actual fact, he transitioned from calling them "our girls" to “his daughters” and “his girls” always. He would tell little Jia all the time that she was pretty because she looked like him.

He filled their world with so much love and laughter. In fact, my little girls grew up becoming his girls in every sense.

To all the amazing single moms who think such fathers don't exist? Yes, they do. Finding them can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack, but it is possible if you look with an open mind and focus on the inner qualities of a person. For all my friends who got to know him, I know you will share the same sentiments.

As I grieve the loss my family has endured with Baldi's passing, I also live in gratitude. We were blessed with so much love, and commitment from such a blessed soul. This gratitude lessens the pain for the void he has left in all our lives.

Baldi showed me that true fatherhood goes beyond biology. His love and dedication to my daughters were unparalleled, and for that, I am forever grateful. Miss you so much and thank you for coming into our lives.

A heartfelt thank you from the Dhillon, Gill, and Nijjar family for joining us to bid farewell to our beloved Baldi (Mapu) Gill and for attending his celebration of life. We are deeply touched by the outpouring of love and support during this difficult time. Your presence meant the world to us.

For those who may have missed the service or could not access the livestream, we have uploaded the tributes here for you view.

My family is deeply saddened by Mr. Gill's passing away.  We always remember his warm laughter.

My wife Usha and i are very fortunate to have Mr. Gill and Ms. Rennu as the first teachers for our kids Mythili and Manas.  Eternally grateful to both of them for the very strong foundation that both of them laid for our children since they were just two years old.  As my daughter was in the first batch at Genius Kids, she even had the personal attention of both Ms Rennu and Mr. Gill every day.  Years later, when our daughter and son were heading to college, the first thing that came to our mind was how enormously Mr. Gill and Ms Rennu's teaching helped them achieve that.  That foundation also helped them through their college years as well, for our daughter who completed college, and our son who is soon going to be a sophomore.

i always remember my first encounter with Mr Gill.  That was the first day at Genius Kids for our daughter. i gave a check to Mr. Gill for the first month's tuition fee.  And i offered to give my Driver's License to him, as it was the norm when we give a check, at least in those days.  Mr. Gill responded, with a warm smile, "You are trusting us with your child.  What do we need your Driver's License for?"

He had that kind, warm smile with him as long as he lived.   And forever in our memories.

Rao Korimilli