Nikki let me rent time in her office from her when I  first started my practice in 2010.  She said she wanted to help black therapists so they could help black people and rented me the office for 90 dollars for two evenings a week.  She showed me how to do sand tray therapy  with children  and gave me her sand tray when she retired.  We became friends and when she retired I would go visit her where ever she  was.  I would try to get Counseling from her for my personal life but she would not really  counsel me because we were friends.  Two summers ago she took a shuttle from her adult family home to counsel children in my office.  I was so proud of her because it was hard on her physically but she wanted to help children.  The shuttle took to long to come get her and she missed her curfew but she was strong.

I will miss hélas my friend, her curiosity  about people  and her tenacity to have a good life until the end.  Her last wish she told me was to see her grandson baptized.  I was with her 2 days before her death for a visit with my husband.

When did I first meet Nicki?  I believe it was at seminars by Jean Isley Clark, author of Growing Up Again and many more amazing books.   Nicki, as a professional counselor was enthusiastic about taking information from these classes and used it in her own classes  and clients.  I was able to separately be a  speaker for a group and volunteer in monitoring parents after they attended early parenting classes.  

At the time we met she lived on the water by Dash Point.  I believe I see myself..as a guest at one of her vintage dress parties.  Authentic items, etc. were stored in a trunk upstairs and we were asked to go up and come back down with an outfit.  She entertained with enthusiasm, love and well organized to combine various friends, and there were plenty of them.

I kept up with in her many homes during her journey after her divorce.  Some things we shared was a weekend at the ocean, meetings, dinners, games, holidays, she introduced me to a special small group that became like family.  I hope our friendship brought some bits of comfort to her in her last years.  And she brought me comfort as well..  I still feel her presence in my memory!  I was grateful to have known Nicki Hagoski!

Thank you Brad for writing such a loving obituary for Nicki. 

Nicki has been in my life since I was 4 or 5. I remember when our dad (Steven) started dating Nicki 1970/71. She lived in an apartment in Federal Way, on a lake, with her poodle, Peppe. Steven and Nicki were married in October 1971 and ever since then I have had the fortune of having two mothers. I have many fond memories of Nicki; meals and holidays together, trips to the mountains or beach,  and time spent on their little sailboat in the San Juan Islands.  We also took bigger trips like wine tasting in Napa, they would give me sips of sherry. And, I remember stopping the car so Nicki could “borrow” some flowers from the side of the road or out of someone’s yard many times. This always grove me crazy! There wasn’t a lot of money but we did lots of fun things. An idyllic childhood really! 

I think the best thing that came out of the marriage of Steven and Nicki was Brad. I remember the day they told me Nicki was pregnant, I was 12 and I was not happy! Adding a new member to the family was going to take away attention from me. I was spoiled with two moms and two dads now. I did not want to share! Of course I quickly overcame my jealousy once Brad arrived and then I was as enamored  with him as Steven and Nicki.

I’m a little relieved, but mostly sad that Nicki has passed: Relieved that she doesn’t have to fight her health issues anymore, but sad because it seems too soon to loose her. I wish she had had more time so she could have met her grandson, Adrian, who Brad and Bess gave birth to in August. Nicki loved children and would have been overjoyed to meet Adrian!

I will always remember Nicki’s kindness and love given to me, Paul, Brad, Bess, Kit, John, and Adrian. Also, I’ll remember the love and kindness she gave to all of those that she tried to help through out her career as a social worker and counselor. And finally, as per Nicki’s request on how to be remembered (even though it drove me crazy), I will always remember stopping to let Nicki “borrow” some flowers from the side of the road or someone’s yard! 

This is to say a heartfelt goodbye to Nicki; my brave soul friend who went through Parkinson’s the best she could.

I first met her in Jean illsley Clark ‘s classes, in about late 1990’s, based on Jean’s books and especially “Growing up Again”. https://www.ncfr.org/news/mem…. Most of the class participants were teachers. Nicki specialized in counseling with children, as one would realize when they entered her office to see the sand trays and other teaching tools. Jean, our teacher, was an amazing example for her and she expanded the information into her counseling and seminar classes. We stayed in contact.

I enjoyed her warm entertainment style after that in their Dash Point home on the water...even with costumes.  She had a way of gathering various friends together for more fun in years to come. She was in several Groups she was loyal to and some older friendships that provided much stability and acceptance she needed.

Years later she introduced me to a group of her friends, Daisy, Lucia, and Catherine. The five of us seemed to click and thus came great times of sharing fun, games and tender support that individuals. I will always treasure those times and Nicki was a supporter of continuing this women’s group for several years. She had a remarkable ability to listen deeply and we knew she was grateful to be there each time.

**Nicki battled along as her Parkinson’s began and all five of us were with her. She continued to host some holiday gatherings, regardless of her condition. Over the years Nicki found several care places to live in as her condition progressed. I visited as much as could, though she got further away and beyond my driving limit.

** Parkinson’s began to affect Nicki and we supported her the best we could. Over the years, I visited Nicki at several care facilities as her condition changed. I and others made every effort to spend time with her, and Nicki continued to host holiday gatherings whenever possible, despite her health challenges. Her choices found her moving several times due to some disappointing care homes and not so much connection. It was sad. It was a miracle that the last place worked pretty supportive of Nicki.

She faced each new challenge with dignity and an open heart, often finding ways to connect with those around her. Nicki’s resilience and kindness inspired everyone who had the privilege of knowing her.  It was a tough road!  I will always remember you, Nicki.  You made a difference!

Dear Brad,  I am sending my condolences for the loss of your mother.  I'm so glad I've been able to visit her each month since May and that I got to see her in the hospital on October 26th.  I've had the honor and blessing to have known her these last 31 years!  

Much love to you and your family, Caryn Aman