I've now been deprived of your beautiful smile, contagious laugh, impromptu dance parties, and the blessing of watching you grow and learn for exactly the length of time you blessed us by being here: 16 months. 16 months of waking each day to the agony of not being able to go into your room in the morning to find you radiantly smiling the second you saw me; your arms up and your little hands grasping at the air just waiting for good morning hugs. 16 months of wondering what you would be learning now; what new antics you'd have come up with to see my reaction so you could laugh, clap your hands at me, and give a giggling "no!" if I told you to behave or get away from something you had gotten into to make messies with. My Bubby.....my beautiful, loving, full-of-life baby boy. My only son. The 16 months I was blessed to have had with you flew by in an instant.....the 16 months since you were torn from me have been an eternity of living hell. The pain of losing you, it seems, grows instead of lessens each day. For each and every day I am without you, without those new memories to make, the hopes and dreams for your future....I am forced to be without the miracle that you, in every way, are to me. Forced to see the haunted look in your Cassie's eyes....a look she's had since she realized that you were gone from her forever. Reminded, daily, that your Iris will never know, won't even have a memory, of the big brother who loved her SO much, even as he tried to yank her by the ankle from her swing to drag her around like one of his sister's babydolls or flop on to her for a hug like he did with his big brother and sisters.
I love you forever and I will miss you always, my baby. My little Boogerboo.... Momma's Bubby. My gorgeous, sweet, angel of pure love......Until I can scoop you up and wrap you in my arms again, please wrap your wings around us.