I met her twenty-three years ago. We bonded over having the same name, and discovered that we were like two sides of the same person. We shared interests, hobbies, politics, deep wells of esoteric knowledge, and a sense of humor that often only made sense to us. We wasted so much time being afraid to commit to each other, afraid of what people would think of us, afraid of what someone might do. Ten years ago we decided we'd had enough of being afraid.
She's been gone almost four weeks now and it still hurts like it just happened. I have no strength even to get out of bed. I spend hours crying into a body pillow she had made of a character she designed (she was an artist and illustrator). I still have flashbacks of where she fell, the panicked call to 911, being in the hospital holding onto her as her heart gave out.
We were supposed to have our whole lives together yet. We thought we had all the time in the world.
Everything feels so empty, purposeless and lonely now. There's no point to anything anymore. We did everything together, now everything, everything reminds me that she isn't there anymore. I miss her laugh, I miss her face. I miss her warmth nestled against me. I miss our nightly ritual, both of us saying "Ninite Sofies, I love you."
I live with chronic pain and we both struggled with depression and other mental health issues. But in my darkest moments she was my reason to go on. My reason for existing. Now there's nothing but an insistent voice saying, "Go with her."
And when every day is suffering in a bleak void, the hardest thing of all has been to fight the urge to answer, "Why not?"
How do I go on?
Posted by Sophia Winters on Aug. 31, 2025, 3:43 p.m. PDT
I'm touched by your post and sorry for your loss. When you say "Go with her", that's not something I would consider personally because of my faith. Do you have a family of God to help you with your loss? I'm finding incredible emotional support from my family.
I have the same feelings I lost my wife in May of 2025. She had Althizamer's, my mother had Althizamer's to , I can't understand why my wife had to have Althizamer's , we did everything together for nearly 48 years. Now I don't want to go or do anything, may days I think of dying and I will see her again. Everyone has gone on, my grandson has been very supportive. I know I want ever kill myself because the way I believe in God. We could have done so much more together, before she was sick we took care of both of our family,that I don't regret, but with all them passed away, we would have been able to do what we wanted to do. Both of us liked to fish, and we were so close, I miss her everyday.
How do you got on after your wife passed away? I want marry anymore, I had the perfect wife.
Yes
