I lost him in May 2021. I guess things got to him and he decided to take his own life. I get sad, confused, and mad about it. I’m sad that all I have are memories now. And I guess I get a bit mad about it too. I don’t just want memories, I wanted to make more with him. His daughters are so young. One he didn’t even get to meet. Didn’t he want to make more memories with them? I know memories are nice, but I guess I just wanted to make more. I feel cheated. I guess I’m just venting.
Memories
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 10, 2022, 6:04 p.m. PST
It's okay. I understand a bit about how you feel. My husband attempted suicide, fortunately, he didn't succeed, but he died four years later.
It's okay. I understand a bit about how you feel. My husband attempted suicide, fortunately, he didn't succeed, but he died four years later.
It’s sad that so many people commit suicide. I know he had tried a couple of times before he went through with it.
I’m sorry that you had to lose your husband. It really sucks. I know I wanted to grow old with him, but it got cut short. I wanted him to be there for his daughters. It’s just so weird that they won’t have their dad around. I thought his kids would be worth living for.
It’s just so hard when all you have is memories.
One thing I learned about the kind of depression that triggers suicidal ideations, is that person is so deep into their own depression and anxiety and fears, they don't think about anyone or anything else. My husband saw people cutting their wrists and a bathtub full of water and thought it would be quick, easy, and painless. But it wasn't. I was very angry. Our daughter died while taking a shower and I found her floating face down. I asked him if thought about the fact that I would find yet another family member floating in a bathtub? He said he never thought about that. He spent three years in a mental hospital. He finally was put on the right medications and didn't think of suicide again, only to die from lung disease. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have young children still. At least my son is an adult.
One thing I learned about the kind of depression that triggers suicidal ideations, is that person is so deep into their own depression and anxiety and fears, they don't think about anyone or anything else. My husband saw people cutting their wrists and a bathtub full of water and thought it would be quick, easy, and painless. But it wasn't. I was very angry. Our daughter died while taking a shower and I found her floating face down. I asked him if thought about the fact that I would find yet another family member floating in a bathtub? He said he never thought about that. He spent three years in a mental hospital. He finally was put on the right medications and didn't think of suicide again, only to die from lung disease. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have young children still. At least my son is an adult.
Yes. I could see that happening. I feel that he kind of had a “savior complex” with it. He acted like if he was gone, everyone’s life would suddenly just get better. But, the opposite happened of course.
Oh my gosh! That is sad that he viewed it that way. I am sorry that you had to experience the loss of a child, as well. I can’t imagine what you go through. You think he would have been sensitive about that. I’m glad he didn’t do that to you guys. That would have been down right awful.
His dad committed suicide a couple years before he finally did. He shot himself with a gun and I guess he decided that was how he was going to go out, too. He obsessed over it. I hated it. I hated his dad for doing that. To put that kind of notion in his head. He bought a gun, but I convinced him to return it, and I had some hope. Then, he buys a gun again a little later and makes an irreversible decision.
Your husband’s story sounds bittersweet. He finally doesn’t want to commit suicide, but then something else happens. I hate how life does that.
I know it still hurts no matter what age you are. Yes, our girls are still young. My oldest will be the only one who remembers him. I still don’t know how to break it to them when they are older.
Thank you for your words. I appreciate you.
