... my wife of nearly 40 years passed away the 21st of June. 17 days in intensive care, she died a slow, agonizing death. We were treated horribly by hospital staff. Every night, in my dreams, I'm flashing back, to any one of 17 days I spent with her, bedside. And, I awaken abruptly, not remembering anything in between. No children, I'm alone. I'm fearful. This is the first time in almost 41 years, I am wholly alone. Trying my best to hang on; cope. I don't think I can handle any of this much longer - asj.
... I'm scared ~
Posted by A. Samuel Joseph on July 2, 2022, 6:14 p.m. PDT
Alfred, I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband of 53 years passed away on Jan 16th after spending 8 days unresponsive from a heart attack. It was an agonizing, sad time but I managed to get thru it and each day after that. The grief in those days and months that followed was overwhelming at times. I wished it had been me instead of my husband. I missed him so much it hurt. But with the help of counseling from Hospice I'm learning to live a different life without him and I hold onto all the precious memories we had. Good luck in your journey.
Hi. Alfred and Diana I feel your pain. The hurt never really goes away. I lost my husband and best friend 1yr and 4 months ago due to Covid.. we never ever saw this coming.. we were married 10yrs and i am 38yrs old. He was 42.
Everyday feels like it just happend .. I went through some serious anxiety and depression as he was all I had ... we did everything together. All I can say is find comfort in God. That's what has somehow saved me .. I pray now more than ever and I have trust in the Lord. Its not easy to live alone after so many years of being together...
God bless you both and prayers with you... ππΌππΌ
β¦ I'm not hitting the bottle, dropping pills, trying to cope. I'm manning up, taking this one straight in the face, intellectualizing it full, force. I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel. If I'm supposed to feel excruciating pain? Then, that's what I'm going to feel. I'm reluctant blunting it, or diffusing it, in any way. Aspirin pill, not even that. I can definitively say, never in my life have I felt pain, to this extent. It's overwhelming. Busying myself with busy work, doing things around the house, trying to be constructive, the place is pretty much spotless. So quiet here, I could head a pin drop. I'd give anything, I'd pay any price to have her back - asj.
Yes you can, don't be ridiculous You're worth something everyone is You have to keep talking and if it has to be to a stranger like me then let it be please don't give up people love you
... certainty looms I'm doomed, to live the remainder of my life, alone - asj.
Hi asj
Don't know why I was drawn to this part of the website tonight. I see you are still here. I'm living this life alone with friends and family since February 2024. No children either. A cat and dog who wake me up in the morning. A job I am transitioning out of by the end of the year. A messy home that's mine with all my memories.
I don't view it as doom. It's sad and lonely at times for sure, but I was loved and he was loved and I still have that love to give to his sisters, my sister and brother, the nieces/nephews, friends and neighbors.
