I lost my big brother though suicide on July 11th, 2024. I live with guilt and regrets thinking I could have done more.
Loss through suicide
Posted by Rebecca Ryan on Aug. 16, 2024, 4:14 p.m. PDT
I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I understand the depth of pain you must be feeling because I, too, lost my big brother to suicide on March 15, 2022.
I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I understand the depth of pain you must be feeling because I, too, lost my big brother to suicide on March 15, 2022.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
I lost my sister to Suicide too. I was 1 day late going to her house. I feel your pain.
I lost my sister to Suicide too. I was 1 day late going to her house. I feel your pain.
Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss.
I just saw this message. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for your message.
I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I understand the depth of pain you must be feeling because I, too, lost my big brother to suicide on March 15, 2022.
Thank you for your message. I am sorry for your loss
I also lost my big brother, my only sibling and best friend to suicide on April 15, 2023 and I still can't believe it. I found him that day and that moment is etched into my mind forever. I'm so sorry to everyone here and I understand the pain and regret, the guilt and the sorrow. I feel like I'm frozen in time, never to rejoin the rest of the world.
I also lost my big brother, my only sibling and best friend to suicide on April 15, 2023 and I still can't believe it. I found him that day and that moment is etched into my mind forever. I'm so sorry to everyone here and I understand the pain and regret, the guilt and the sorrow. I feel like I'm frozen in time, never to rejoin the rest of the world.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing
I also lost my older brother, two years ago today. Deepest empathy to all of you. The depth of pain is unbearable at times. The last few months I've had some good days of remembering and doing things he would have enjoyed. I like to drive around and sing Pearl Jam at the top of my lungs, because we did that back when he was a teenager.
I lost my big brother to suicide 33 yrs ago this Dec 16th. He came to me that night and got the Christmas lights out of my closet and sat on my bed and said what you doing? And I told him and we talked for a little bit. I remember every word of that conversation...then he took two ceramic trees out of my closet and said don't forget to light these on Christmas. I said to him...of course I will I do it every year and he smiled. We talked for a little bit more and nothing seemed out of the ordinary .Then I woke up that next morning to my mom screaming and my dad running down the steps. I followed my dad past my mom who was curled up against the wall sitting on the floor screaming. I had no idea what was going on. My dad and I ran down the basement steps and there he was. I was young then, 25 yrs old, my brother was 28. It felt like a dream. My parents crying, my dad crying saying my son my son ..my mom rocking on the floor. I called the ambulance. I felt my heart rip in two that day. It's like a piece of yourself goes with them. Your other half is gone. When I finally realized he was gone I fell to my knees. I literally just fell. I guess my legs gave out from underneath me. He was my only sibling. I still have no answers. I can speculate but there's never an answer as to Why. I think the worst thing is he was saying goodbye to me the night before and he seemed happy and I didn't know what he was really thinking. Through the yrs I blamed myself ..why didn't I know. I could of saved him. But that was never going to happen. He had made his mind up for whatever reason. I wish he would of talked to me. I learned that once they make their mind up they become "happy" because they finally have the answer for their problems and it's a relief for them. I'm honored that he said goodbye to me. He took the time to come to me and I thank him for that. I'm the only one he did that with. I still miss him every single day. There's not one day that's went by in 33 yrs that I haven't thought about him. I lost my mom in 2019 and my dad in 2023. And I'm glad he's not alone now, both my parents are with him now. I'm getting ready to honor his memory alone for the second time on Dec 16th. It was hard the first yr when my dad passed. We used to say Mom is with him now. Now alone I say Mom and Dad are with him now. I take one day after his anniversary and honor all three of them now. I do it alone, I cry, I get it out. I still try to make sense of it all but you just can't. You can only keep his memory alive. As long as I'm here his memory lives on. My son never met him. He looks exactly like him. I wish my brother could of been here to see him and meet him. This ur seems harder then the rest. I'm getting older and it wears on you. I celebrate who he was and how special he was and how important he was to me. I still wish I would of told him how important he was to me. That night I said love you. I'm so glad I did. It never stops....the pain of it. The unanswered questions. The Why's. I try to focus on celebrating his life and who he was and respecting his brave decision. If that is right I don't know. But it was his decision and I have to find peace somewhere in that. It never gets easier. My Aunts passed in 2024 and my other aunt just passed and that's what brought me here. He has the whole family with him now. I smile a little when I think about that because he's finally surrounded by everyone who loved him. He'd like that and I find peace in that. I wanted to share my journey. Hopefully it helps someone. I'm crying for all of you who are just going through it. I know the journey thats ahead of you. If this helps one person then it isn't all in vain. Somehow that makes sense. He helped someone. He was such a great guy. He helped everyone. He always had a smile. His name was Russell and he was my brother and I loved him so much. I miss the full life we should of had together. I'll think of you all when I celebrate his life next week. And I'll light the candle for your siblings too. I promise. I know how important your brother or sister was to you and how much you love and miss them. Celebrate their life. Talk about them. Celebrate them. That's gotten me through. Thank you for letting me share this here. I hope this helped.
I lost my older brother to suicide just over two weeks ago. It was such a normal day that day, and felt so unreal yet so real at the same time. My brother walked right past me to go in the place where he took his life. All I can think is he must have never took a minute to realize how this would affect his family. It seems everyone who knew him has some guilty feeling about what they should have done better. He never said goodbye to anyone and his whole family and some friends were in the house when it happened. He tried texting people first yet he didn’t give them time to respond before he took his life. He never once talked of suicide nor did he ever express any interest in recklessness. He was known for being careful and an overall likeable guy, yet he didn’t ever understand how many people cared for him. Several hundred people showed up at the funeral, any of whom would have tried to help him had he just given us a chance. One of the worst parts about it was he made sure there was no way anyone would be able to save him. Nobody got to say goodbye. We all miss him and will continue to for the rest of our lives, yet we have to have faith that he is in a place where he will never ever hurt again, never cry another tear, and never have another worry. It’s tough trying to help the people around me while trying to make sure I get the help I need. Depression comes easy where there has been lost, but I’ve been healed before and my God can take away depression just like he can heal any sickness. I never once thought that I would be sitting here writing this, experiencing grief from the loss of my 18 year old brother. I can’t help but think I should’ve been a better sister and I should’ve noticed something was wrong yet I have to trust that God knows what he’s doing. He just needed my brother back sooner than I thought. I pray that one day I will impact others lives like he did. While I wished no one else had to go through this, I know there are people who have lost siblings and who have been through similar things and I pray this will help someone. Suicide is never the answer. If you are still on this Earth God has a purpose for your life. It’s easier said than done and life is full of ups and downs but when you get knocked down you get up and work harder the next time. Always keep pushing forward.
Isaiah 41:13
I am holding you by your right hand-I the Lord God say to you, don’t be afraid;I am here to help you.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. It helps knowing we are not alone. My older brother chose to leave this world on July 11th, 2024. I just happened to speak to him just a few days before. He showed no signs that he was choosing this path. I believe God lead me to talk to him that day. I had this overwhelming urge that I needed to call him that day. If I had waited it would have been too late. I live with guilt and regret. But we spoke of God's love. I just wished I had known that it would have been the last time I would speak to him. I like the song. "Scars in Heaven" by Casting Crowns
I lost my big brother to suicide 33 yrs ago this Dec 16th. He came to me that night and got the Christmas lights out of my closet and sat on my bed and said what you doing? And I told him and we talked for a little bit. I remember every word of that conversation...then he took two ceramic trees out of my closet and said don't forget to light these on Christmas. I said to him...of course I will I do it every year and he smiled. We talked for a little bit more and nothing seemed out of the ordinary .Then I woke up that next morning to my mom screaming and my dad running down the steps. I followed my dad past my mom who was curled up against the wall sitting on the floor screaming. I had no idea what was going on. My dad and I ran down the basement steps and there he was. I was young then, 25 yrs old, my brother was 28. It felt like a dream. My parents crying, my dad crying saying my son my son ..my mom rocking on the floor. I called the ambulance. I felt my heart rip in two that day. It's like a piece of yourself goes with them. Your other half is gone. When I finally realized he was gone I fell to my knees. I literally just fell. I guess my legs gave out from underneath me. He was my only sibling. I still have no answers. I can speculate but there's never an answer as to Why. I think the worst thing is he was saying goodbye to me the night before and he seemed happy and I didn't know what he was really thinking. Through the yrs I blamed myself ..why didn't I know. I could of saved him. But that was never going to happen. He had made his mind up for whatever reason. I wish he would of talked to me. I learned that once they make their mind up they become "happy" because they finally have the answer for their problems and it's a relief for them. I'm honored that he said goodbye to me. He took the time to come to me and I thank him for that. I'm the only one he did that with. I still miss him every single day. There's not one day that's went by in 33 yrs that I haven't thought about him. I lost my mom in 2019 and my dad in 2023. And I'm glad he's not alone now, both my parents are with him now. I'm getting ready to honor his memory alone for the second time on Dec 16th. It was hard the first yr when my dad passed. We used to say Mom is with him now. Now alone I say Mom and Dad are with him now. I take one day after his anniversary and honor all three of them now. I do it alone, I cry, I get it out. I still try to make sense of it all but you just can't. You can only keep his memory alive. As long as I'm here his memory lives on. My son never met him. He looks exactly like him. I wish my brother could of been here to see him and meet him. This ur seems harder then the rest. I'm getting older and it wears on you. I celebrate who he was and how special he was and how important he was to me. I still wish I would of told him how important he was to me. That night I said love you. I'm so glad I did. It never stops....the pain of it. The unanswered questions. The Why's. I try to focus on celebrating his life and who he was and respecting his brave decision. If that is right I don't know. But it was his decision and I have to find peace somewhere in that. It never gets easier. My Aunts passed in 2024 and my other aunt just passed and that's what brought me here. He has the whole family with him now. I smile a little when I think about that because he's finally surrounded by everyone who loved him. He'd like that and I find peace in that. I wanted to share my journey. Hopefully it helps someone. I'm crying for all of you who are just going through it. I know the journey thats ahead of you. If this helps one person then it isn't all in vain. Somehow that makes sense. He helped someone. He was such a great guy. He helped everyone. He always had a smile. His name was Russell and he was my brother and I loved him so much. I miss the full life we should of had together. I'll think of you all when I celebrate his life next week. And I'll light the candle for your siblings too. I promise. I know how important your brother or sister was to you and how much you love and miss them. Celebrate their life. Talk about them. Celebrate them. That's gotten me through. Thank you for letting me share this here. I hope this helped.
That’s helped me quite a lot thank you! I just lost my lil brother Feb 14th, 2026
That’s helped me quite a lot thank you! I just lost my lil brother Feb 14th, 2026
I’m so sorry to hear that. 💔 I don’t know you but I’ll say a prayer for you and everyone affected by this loss.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. It helps knowing we are not alone. My older brother chose to leave this world on July 11th, 2024. I just happened to speak to him just a few days before. He showed no signs that he was choosing this path. I believe God lead me to talk to him that day. I had this overwhelming urge that I needed to call him that day. If I had waited it would have been too late. I live with guilt and regret. But we spoke of God's love. I just wished I had known that it would have been the last time I would speak to him. I like the song. "Scars in Heaven" by Casting Crowns
Thank you ❤️ I’ve listened to that song so many times, yet never heard the lyrics the same as I do now.
I’m so sorry to hear that. 💔 I don’t know you but I’ll say a prayer for you and everyone affected by this loss.
Thank you so very much!
