My father became an alcoholic later in life. Imoved in with him two years ago to keep him company. He lost his wife the year after we lost my step dad and then the next year we lost my father in law and now my dad passed suddenly this year. 4 deaths in 4 years.
And now I'm facing utter ruin. No will, bills adding up, no home to depend on and an economy that is unforgiving.
I want to be sad and grieve the sudden loss of my father but everyone is looking to me, a 39 year old, with hardly any notion on how to move forward. My husband, my brothers, my mom, they are all looking to me for answers. For strength. I'm lost. I'm scared. I just want my dad. Why did he give up?
I can't give up. I have to move forward through what he could not.
I must.
I wasn't enough
Posted by Anonymous on Sept. 14, 2023, 6:26 a.m. PDT
I am so sorry for all you’ve been through. It’s more than anyone should have to handle in 4 years. You have every right to feel everything you are feeling, they are all valid and reasonable emotions. Likely everyone is looking “at you” because you are the glue that holds your family together. People look at us for guidance when we are strong. But the best you can give them is your emotion, your heart, telling them what you are feeling, what YOU need. Allow them to in turn express their emotion and connect on a heart level and hopefully by some miracle, the financial and practical things will get handled. But honor your loss. Moving in with your Dad was such a loving thing to do. I’m sure it brought pain, awareness, hopefully understanding and clarity. I have lost both my parents in the last 7 months. Hardest time of my life but I cherished them and am proud that I did all I could. I’m old enough to be your mom yet am still the little girl who lost her dad and her mom, only conditional love I have ever had and will. Mourn, emote and try not to feel you have to DO anything but be the person everyone looks up to. Show them vulnerability. Again, so sorry. 🙏🏻
My condolences. I’m sorry to hear all that burdens you. There’s all of those factors you mentioned dealing with during the time of loss that I hadn’t previously thought of until you mentioned. I just lost my mom a little over a week ago and am struggling. I admire your strength for just posting your heart and reaching out. That alone shows strength, so I know that you will be able to stand, solve problems, grieve, share, grieve, let your needs be known, smile, reminisce, grieve, support others through your vulnerability and understanding, and repeat. I can tell you that I am truly finding strength in The Lord, Jesús Christ. People are right in saying it’s a roller coaster. Emotions are all over. Praise God that you had a relationship with your father and you have all of those people in your life. I know you will do it one step/half step at a time. I’m rooting for you.
I'm still dealing with this so many years after my mom's death. I was very young and could not help much at all. It took a long time to resolve and forgive people. But I forgave them for my own peace, not theirs. Now I am at peace while some still are living in guilt, which is their journey. I am also sorry you must go through this. Responsible people are always leaned on more for sure.
