Bryce Johnson (12)

My 12 year old son, Bryce was struggling with Depression and he was suicidal. I live in Arizona and Bryces father lives in Monterey county california. I tried everything in my power to get Bryce help, but the courts allowed Bryces father to deny his access to treatment. Bryce told doctors, hospitals and family that if he had to go back to his fathers house for visitations, he would shoot himself with one of his fathers many loaded guns. The courts ignored my desperate pleas. His father lied in court, saying he didnt own any guns and nobody questioned him because he is law enforcement and I am only a frantic single mom. The court allowed his dad to refuse hospitalization in November and then transferred custody of Bryce to his father in california. Bryce was only at his fathers home for 2 weeks before I got the phone call that I prayed would never come. Bryce died December 12th 2020. I had to fly his body home to Tucson on christmas eve and then bury him a few days before his 13th birthday. I bathed him and then dressed him for the last time. Bryce is the only son I will ever have. He was a protector of myself and his little sister. The last moments of his life are a mystery because his father won't tell me the truth, or anything for that matter. I am now going back to court for custody and visitation with my childrens father. I cant believe the court is still willing to allow him visitation with my young daughter. He is a federal officer and is going to get away with giving a suicidal 12 year old, access to a loaded gun. My grief is being amplified by the anger and disgust I have for the other person who should have been protecting Bryce, his father. I dont understand how the police overlooking Bryces history and how easy it was for Bryce to commit suicide. He was a baby. He never had a girlfriend, he never went to a school dance. He witnessed some horrible things in the care of his father and he was convinced that the only way to stop his father from getting visitations with Bryces little sister, was to die in his fathers care. How do you even start to heal from that? How do you bury your 12 year old son and just move forward? I am stuck in the same devastation I experienced the day he died. I feel as if im sinking in quicksand. He had the brightest blue eyes and was an amazing cook. He was failed by his father and the courts. I failed him by not being able to afford to continue fighting in court after 3 years. I used every resource and spent every dime I had trying to get the court to listen. When my money ran out, Bryce died. He should be here. He should have been surrounded by both parents and a team of doctors who cared about him. Instead, he died slowly and alone in a small room in Bradley califonia. I feel like I died that day too. I paid to share a grave with him when I die. I didnt want him to spend eternity alone in a grave so I will eventually be buried on top of his casket. How do you survive and function when something like this happens? How do I separate the blame and anger from my sadness and loss?

• Please make sure you've written a post before it can be published. If you prefer to remove your post, you can delete it.

• Sorry, we had some trouble updating your post.

Your post

My 12 year old son, Bryce was struggling with Depression and he was suicidal. I live in Arizona and Bryces father lives in Monterey county california. I tried everything in my power to get Bryce help, but the courts allowed Bryces father to deny his access to treatment. Bryce told doctors, hospitals and family that if he had to go back to his fathers house for visitations, he would shoot himself with one of his fathers many loaded guns. The courts ignored my desperate pleas. His father lied in court, saying he didnt own any guns and nobody questioned him because he is law enforcement and I am only a frantic single mom. The court allowed his dad to refuse hospitalization in November and then transferred custody of Bryce to his father in california. Bryce was only at his fathers home for 2 weeks before I got the phone call that I prayed would never come. Bryce died December 12th 2020. I had to fly his body home to Tucson on christmas eve and then bury him a few days before his 13th birthday. I bathed him and then dressed him for the last time. Bryce is the only son I will ever have. He was a protector of myself and his little sister. The last moments of his life are a mystery because his father won't tell me the truth, or anything for that matter. I am now going back to court for custody and visitation with my childrens father. I cant believe the court is still willing to allow him visitation with my young daughter. He is a federal officer and is going to get away with giving a suicidal 12 year old, access to a loaded gun. My grief is being amplified by the anger and disgust I have for the other person who should have been protecting Bryce, his father. I dont understand how the police overlooking Bryces history and how easy it was for Bryce to commit suicide. He was a baby. He never had a girlfriend, he never went to a school dance. He witnessed some horrible things in the care of his father and he was convinced that the only way to stop his father from getting visitations with Bryces little sister, was to die in his fathers care. How do you even start to heal from that? How do you bury your 12 year old son and just move forward? I am stuck in the same devastation I experienced the day he died. I feel as if im sinking in quicksand. He had the brightest blue eyes and was an amazing cook. He was failed by his father and the courts. I failed him by not being able to afford to continue fighting in court after 3 years. I used every resource and spent every dime I had trying to get the court to listen. When my money ran out, Bryce died. He should be here. He should have been surrounded by both parents and a team of doctors who cared about him. Instead, he died slowly and alone in a small room in Bradley califonia. I feel like I died that day too. I paid to share a grave with him when I die. I didnt want him to spend eternity alone in a grave so I will eventually be buried on top of his casket. How do you survive and function when something like this happens? How do I separate the blame and anger from my sadness and loss?

Notify me when someone responds

Done Cancel