Meet a Cemetery Caretaker: Joseph F. Berenato
How long have you worked at Oak Grove Cemetery? How did you first get into the profession?
I have now been at Oak Grove Cemetery in Hammonton, N.J. for a little over six years. When I was in high school and college, a friend of mine worked at another cemetery in town two houses down from where I grew up, so I visited him there often. I became interested with the work involved, but my life went in a different direction. I've been a farmer, a writer, and a college professor (to name a few), but this line of work has always fascinated me. I got into the profession seven years ago when I started working for a diocesan cemetery, but when this opportunity presented itself I jumped on it.
What is your job like? What are you responsible for in a typical week?
I am responsible for just about any and everything you could imagine. I handle all of the groundskeeping (mowing, weed wacking, bush trimming, clean-up and so forth), stone cleaning, bookkeeping, banking, record-keeping, research, customer service, sales, social media (we're on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok), community engagement, you name it. I also dig our cremation graves by hand. We outsource our full burials because we don't have the equipment to dig those graves, but I do everything else.
What is your favorite part of your job?
I really enjoy researching the lives of our residents and telling their stories. For the past several years, we've had Resident Spotlights on our social media where we tell their stories, augmented with pictures of their monuments, portraits if we can find them, newspaper articles and other genealogical records.
Our cemetery was established in 1860, and we have welcomed more than 4,000 residents since then. Among them are early settlers from New England and abroad, town officials, notable locals and more, including: celebrated painter George Washington Nicholson, whose work hung in the Pennsylvania State House and the Wannamaker building in Philadelphia; Emanuel Persico, one of the founders of the Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Festival-the longest-running Italian festival in the nation; James Capen Adams, whose brother John used his identity and became famous the world over as Grizzly Adams; C.H. Lüttgens, a local beekeeper who sold honey to Walt Whitman, who then raved about it to his friends; Willis Beach, convicted in the murder of Dr. A. William Lilliendahl, a trial that gripped the nation in 1927; Albert Fitting and Rose Calascione Fitting, whose met at the graves of their spouses in our cemetery, fell in love, and got married; Gene Santomas, a local barber who served on a PT boat during the invasion of Normandy in World War II; Dr. Harold Walton Keschner, who was captured by the Japanese on Bataan in World War II and spent 42 months in prison camps in the Philippines and Japan, where he and a few other doctors were responsible for the health of thousands of POWs; and many more.
Our followers on social media heavily engage with these stories when we post them. It sends the message that everyone has a story to tell, and everyone's life is important. It says that everyone is worth being remembered, and that we're working hard to make sure that nobody is forgotten.
What do you wish more people knew about funerals and cemeteries?
That there doesn't have to be a stigma about them, and pre-planning is very important.
There was a time where our ancestors got married, bought a house and bought cemetery plots for the whole family so nobody else had to worry about it. Somewhere along the way, that line of thinking became morbid; now, when a loved one passes, their survivors often have to scramble in a very short amount of time to not only select a cemetery but also where in the cemetery their loved one would prefer to be.
When individuals pre-plan, they take the burden of those choices off of their loved ones. They are able to select their own final resting place, and, with sufficient time, can even select the design of their own headstones. This makes the funeral process go much more smoothly when the time comes, and it is far easier on the next of kin.
Having such discussions is not easy, but it is important. None of us knows when our time is coming - "None of us has a guaranteed contract," my father likes to say - so the better prepared we are, the better it is for those we love.
Additionally, cemeteries are not inherently spooky places. There was a time when it was common to have picnics and other gatherings in cemeteries, particularly when visiting the graves of loved ones. We encourage visitors, walkers, bicycle riders and so forth (we even had three separate school field trips during the 2024-25 school year); all that we ask is that visitors are respectful of the grounds and clean up after themselves. Just be sure to check the rules and regulations of whatever cemetery you visit.
What was the most memorable burial that you've helped with?
That's a difficult question to answer. I've assisted with burials with hundreds of attendees, and I've assisted with those where it was just me and the undertaker. I've assisted with burials of all kinds of cultural and religious backgrounds, and each brings their own traditions. I've buried friends, loved ones, and complete strangers - but I attend each one. I stand behind the attendees, but I participate, because it's important to me that the family knows that their loved ones are important to us and that they'll be cared for in our charge.
I think the most memorable, recently, was a gentleman who was the victim of a hit-and-run. He was from Guatemala, and had been living on the grounds of a local church. The funeral home was unable to locate his next-of-kin, so he remained in the custody of the county medical examiner for six weeks. The church was able to raise the funds to give him a proper burial, and we welcomed him into our care. Six months later, his next-of-kin contacted the Guatemalan consulate and he was brought home. We were honored to be able to provide a temporary resting place until he could be reunited with his family in Guatemala.
Do you have any thoughts or recommendations for people who are grieving?
Don't let anyone tell you that you're doing it wrong. Don't let anyone tell you how you should be grieving. You will feel sad. You will feel empty. You will feel numb. You will feel angry. You will feel like you've lost a limb, and you're learning how to navigate life without it. You will feel okay, then something will happen and your first instinct is to call or text the person you've lost, and then you'll feel it all over again.
All of this is perfectly normal, and these stages will come and go with varying lengths.
I know it sounds hackneyed, but remember the good times. Remember the laughter. Remember how they made you feel. Remember the dumb things they did or that you did together. Tell their stories. If you can't find someone to listen, come tell them to me.
It will get better. I promise you. You may never stop missing them, but, just like losing a limb, you will learn how to live your life with their absence.
And there is no right or wrong amount of visitation to their graves. Some visit every day, some visit once a year and some don't visit at all. Do what feels right for you.
If it's too hard - if you don't know where to turn - many funeral homes have information for grief resources. Don't be afraid to use them. We have all lost people we love, and we're all figuring it out as we go.
Is there anything else that you'd like to share with our audience?
Death is an inevitable part of life, and the finite nature of our existence is what gives it its meaning. Make your time count, and leave a positive mark on those you leave behind; like The Doctor said, "We're all stories in the end; just make it a good one." And don't be afraid to ask questions and seek information; funeral directors, cemetery staff and everyone else in death care is here to help you. For more information about us and our services, call our office at (609) 561-2673 or visit our website at www.oakgrovehammonton.com.
