I got to know Steff when he and Christina moved to my hometown for a year or so. We’d joke about Star Wars and Transformers; I’d marvel at how he was too young to have watched Thundercats. I watched the tender and fun way he and Malaya interacted and shared their own language. I loved how Steff teased Christina, steadied her, bolstered her.

We had a vigil here after the Atlanta killings and Steff, of course, took the mike to speak. He said that there’s a word in Spanish, that word is “historia,” and that we must remember that we are part of the long “historia of resistance!” After Steff finished, oh how everyone cheered and clapped! I teased him later (via Christina) about how the crowd was enthralled when he spoke Spanish, as if “historia” does not have an English equivalent. But that’s part of what was so special about Steff: He turned the ordinary into the glorious and mysterious - in words, in deeds, in love.

After the vigil, we sat on the stage and Steff mentioned he thought maybe he should’ve rapped at the rally. I gave him a (terrible) beat, he rapped about whiteness being a false construct, and we laughed real hard. Another lesson learned from Steff: Humor is part of the historia of resistance.

My first “conversation” with Steff was in 2015. We were trying to find a priest to bless my dad’s unbaptized grandkids for his 70th birthday and we emailed Christina to see if her husband thought any priest would even do this. I mentioned that one of my dad’s greatest fears is not seeing his unbaptized grandkids in heaven. Christina wrote me back:

(This is Steffano chiming in): So a priest can bless anyone at any time, but thats definitely not the same as baptism. The church won't baptize a baby without their parent's participation, but any person can baptize the kids (or anyone else). Just pour the water over their heads three times and say "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." Then, presto chango, done deal. It's really only supposed to be used in case of emergency (such as a child's immanent death) but its canonically considered licit (Canon 861). Maybe something like that will put your dad at ease? Also, you could always talk to a priest that someone can recommend as being particularly pastoral to both talk to your dad about it (and any other end of life issues he may be confronting) as well as perhaps do a nice ceremony of some kind. Not every priest will go for this but the good ones will figure out a way. The priest should be able to reassure your dad that baptism isn't necessary to get into heaven, that heaven is filled with all kinds of people from all kinds of beliefs and cultures (including non-Christian ones), and that God's mercy is greater than anything humans say or do regarding religious codes and laws. This is all authentic Catholic doctrine, so it shouldn't be a problem.

And there it is: Steff’s irreverence, academic chops, and deep knowing that we can never understand God’s mercy. What a comfort it was to read those words, then and now. When I shared this message with my siblings in 2015, they wrote back, “Can we get Steffano to do the blessing?!”

Steff, I hope you continue to chime in on all of us; We would still love and be honored by your blessings. You were an incredible father, partner, teacher, thinker, writer, friend, and human. Thank you for living with more gusto, grace, humor, faith, and love, than pretty much anyone I have ever known. We are holding Christina and Malaya with love and tenderness.