I remember during my divorce 18 years ago a friend told me about this wonderful place. She knew that I loved to camp in the desert at the hot springs dotted around western states. She also knew that in winter those places were mostly unavailable to me, and this was a winter when I needed comfort the most. So my friend told me about Deward.

I rang his front doorbell and he checked me out with a jaundiced eye: a single guy! But he was such good friends with the woman who had sent me, and after a few questions designed to figure out whether I was going to try to pick up women at his hot tub (I was not), he gave me a temp code based on the Fibonacci sequence. Later I got my own code, and I would enjoy the delight of being there three or four times a week. That was 18 years ago.

I knew very well why he could not publicly post that any single men had a code: he knew that he would be overrun by single men asking for one. So I was on my own: Deward would not “legitimize” me out loud.

So... I had the experience of getting funny looks— and occasional challenges— from women who were unclear how I had gotten in there. Once or twice I had the experience of having a peaceful hot-tub moment interrupted by folks who would come in and break the stillness with something like “oh my god there’s a guy here— !” and then a noisy exit. This obviously felt bad, and I used it as a teaching moment. There are so few situations where a single white guy gets treated like he doesn’t belong. And yet there are so many situations where anybody who is not a white guy is treated just like that. So this was my chance to see how THAT felt: to be excluded because of something I could do nothing about. Only in the last few months of his life did I actually ask him how many single men had their own entry code. It turns out that by that time, it was just me and one other guy, who is blind.

So this is just me saying that if there was a single guy there, it was probably me.

Thank you, Deward, for giving such an incredible gift over so many years to so many people. Thank you for the nights that we worked together onstage recording choirs and orchestras. Thank you for your weird, cluttered, full-of-mystery house. Thank you for your impossible collection of tchotchkes, books, obscure stereo gear, antiques, food and pots and pans in various states of decomposition all over your kitchen. Thank you for your piles of empty cardboard boxes, strange designer flashlights, the house that was supposed to get cleaned up but never actually did, the cat food on the kitchen floor that was also for the raccoons. Thank you for the giant redwood tree that you would gladly have torn down the back porch to accommodate once it got too big. If you had only lived so long.

Thank you for your home roasted coffee. Thank you for giving so many unusually-named young searchers and wanderers a place to throw down their backpacks and sleep when coming through town on international travels to and from obscure places across the globe.

I love your curmudgeonly, difficult, obstinate, generous, black-hearted humorous, full-hearted self. The world is a little bit less of a wonderful place without you.

You once said to me “everybody is broken”. You gave so many of us a place to heal. Thank you thank you thank you.

Deward, Deward, Deward.

You are gone and so many of us miss you. I had some things I wanted to talk to you about. I took for granted that you would still be here next week and we would both have time to talk. But you left early and I arrived too late. You made one of the best parts of living in Berkeley for me. You were a legend before I met you and I used the hot tub long before I met you after a decade of getting to know you I figured out how to contribute to your miracle of love and giving. I saw a need and took action in rebuilding the rear stairs with my friend Billy just a few years ago. I helping with hot tub maintenance when you went out of town to Shaw. It felt so good to give back for more than a decade of regular use of the tub. I received so much in terms of improved health and well being, peace and calm - visiting the tub. I met and bonded with so many lovely people through the tub. I was always careful about bringing new people and old friends when visiting. I felt so special when you called me to tell me you deleted my code because some unsavory people got their hands on it and I would tell you my new code and you would have it in the gate system within an hour. You - Deward called ME! That was special.

I enjoyed hanging out with you around your property, having heart to heart conversations about important things and feelings. We drank sweet cappuccino while talking in your kitchen, early in the morning or late at night. Did you ever know about the little things I did secretly while you were out of town (like refolding and organizing all the towels in your bathroom)? I can only imagine your surprise and smile at opening the cupboard to see it so changed - this image gives me delight. You know I used to fill the Lion Fountain out front whenever needed (almost every time I went) to use the tub. You can't imagine how many times I found the lion pump struggling from lack of water and had to give the lion mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to get the water flowing again. I am so glad no one ever saw me do that - It would have looked so silly to anyone but you. Your offering lead me to...

Unseen acts of love and appreciation for Deward and others. On holidays I would invite Deward to my house for dinner but he always declined. I would bring him a plate of tasty, healthy food and he would grumble that he would "get fat by eating" my food. I never saw Deward eat - only drink Mexican Coke and coffee. The best food in the house was the Cat Food! I delighted at the shock of opening his refrigerator and seeing nothing in it. What did this man eat?! How could he have a big belly? And that hernia that looked like an old pacemaker on his belly. I encouraged him to get it looked at by a doctor but my pleas fell on deaf ears. And why does Deward have like 5 cases of Cool-aid in his cupboard? Did it have anything to do with Ken Kesey? I heard speculation that Deward worked hard as a young man and saved his money to buy his house. When the neighbor sold he was in a position to buy that one too. Not having children does make life less expensive but still - 2 houses in Berkeley. Those were different times. Was there a story about a mysterious chemist manufacturing magical substances that supplemented his occupational salary that only a select few knew about. Who is going to write the book called "Mysteries of the Miracle Hot Tub exposed"?

I was in awe of the mechanical guts of the operations and loved checking the heat & chlorine levels. I had millions of questions for Deward and he liked my interest and aptitude. I had hoped to carry on the tradition after he was gone but that seems impossible now.

I remember years of looking up at the lightbulb over the tub and admiring the crackle on the glass of the bulb. I was sad when Deward decided to change it because he thought it had "done it's service for long enough". That reminds me of Deward because - he seems to be gone before we were all ready to see him go.

Deward you are gone but you will be remembered by many and missed by all.

My condolences to all. Deward was a light in this world. He has always been kind to me, as a landlord and as a friend. I look forward to celebrating him.

Love, Janie