The recent rains are making me think about Deward and wet days at the tub. I miss it there, the beautiful dripping trees and the hush and steam, and Deward, with his smile and wave, his brilliance, humor, his sadness and curmudgeonliness, and the way it felt to give him a hug. I’ve loved everyone’s stories here on the website and at the memorial. I am very appreciative of the picture we’re forming together of our complex multi-faceted Deward over the decades. I want to share about meeting Deward and eventually becoming housemates with him and living as the tub’s caretaker at his home.
I first experienced the hot tub in 1992 when a friend brought me. I was amazed that such an oasis existed in the middle of Berkeley. Working as a delivery driver, I had a lot of tension in my body, and I was grateful to relax in the incredibly hot waters! One day in the mid 90s, in the midst of a personal housing crisis, I found myself between dips lying out on one of the decks, and starting to imagine how idyllic it would be to live at that house. I imagined drinking coffee out in the yard in the early morning and taking a tub right before bed and not having to get dressed afterwards. I felt like the peace of that space would become part of me. I didn’t consciously know about “setting intention” then, and I wasn’t exactly praying, but I had a deep wish in my soul. Others have spoken about the magic that so often happened at the tub, and what came next was weird and definitely *magical*!
Shortly after my reverie, in an unexpectedly strange turn of events, I walked into the changing room to find two people who appeared to be hooking up. It seemed to me that she was giving him head, and I was completely mortified. She might have been reverently kneeling with her face coincidentally near his crotch, but I will never know. I left an outraged note on the board about it. The next time I visited, I was somehow identified as the note-leaver, the caretaker came and spoke with me, and I was whisked upstairs to share more with Deward. I was there for quite a while, and we ended up having a wonderful and engrossing conversation. Coincidentally, it turned out that the caretaker was moving on, and Deward was looking for someone to fill the role. After a more formal interview process a few days later, I was lucky enough to be chosen for the coveted role! I still laugh at the strange experience that got me there, but I was caretaker for three wonderful years. It was an incredible experience to be a part of that magic, and I am eternally grateful. All these years later, I remain awed that Deward visioned, created, financed and maintained this space that was peaceful and nurturing for so many folks over the years. What an act of service and contribution to the world.
I moved in and Deward taught me all about tub maintenance (among other tasks this involved draining the tub, pumping out the dregs, getting inside the tub in my bare feet for a weekly wet-dry vac of the inside, cleaning the filters in TSP, scrubbing everything down, refilling it, and then having a precious “first in the new water” soak). I also cared for the cats who, as many of you may know, Deward had cheekily named Peter and Ms. Klitty! As a caretaker who also happened to be vegan, one of my more surprising duties in the first few years was feeding Deward’s snakes. They were large snakes, and they were NOT vegan. Sometimes Deward went to Shaw Island, and then I was solely in charge of the tub and house. As a housemate, Deward spent a lot of time in his room on the computer having impassioned debates on the then-young internet. I won’t go into housemate challenges, not surprisingly there were some, but also we had a lot of fun! Deward helped me really "get" the beauties of Leonard Cohen and classical music that he played through his excellent speakers, taught me about the Arts and Crafts design movement, and dryly explained the magic of his relationship with the hearty orchids on the front porch (that thrived on benign neglect, he said). We went on mountain bike rides, drank lattes from the vintage espresso machine others have also mentioned, discussed dating, tub policy, and chatted into the wee hours.
We adored the opossums out back, and Deward made at least one his pet. Deward and I would roll our eyes at the raccoons who would come to steal cat food on the back porch. We tried to devise new ways to protect the food and shoo the racoons away, usually unsuccessfully. One day I looked down the ladder from the attic where I was working, and saw racoons making off with a big glass jar of cat food. I’m not exaggerating when I say the jar was as big as one of the racoons. To make a long story short, the racoons rolled the jar down the stairs, including executing two 90 degree turns, and smashed the jar on the bricks below for a rewarding feast.
In addition to training me in all the day-to-day tasks, Deward was an incredible role model for managing some of the harder human moments we encountered at the tub. He responded with firmness, wit and grace to partying nighttime visitors, people having sex in the garden (and on at least one occasion the hammock!), people scaling the fence into the yard, and those climbing high up the redwood trees (for which, he would jokingly point out, we were not insured!). It took me a long time to even approach his level of ease with these situations. I loved the yellow rules sheet Deward created and edited every so often. I can still hear his tone of voice coming off the paper: “Rules Rules Rules: Them that read ‘em don’t need ‘em. Them that need ‘em don’t read ‘em.” So spot on! << If anyone has a copy of the yellow rules sheet I would LOVE to get one.>>
When Deward’s parents died, it was a difficult time as he grieved. I don’t think Deward ever fully healed after the loss of his parents and there was a more pervasive sadness in him after that, and he started collecting more things, boxes of stuff to be sorted, stored or gotten rid of. But nonetheless, occasionally Deward would have bursts of energy to take on a big project. I remember one summer Deward’s friend Roger drove to CA in his van to help with construction projects along with a small crew of others. Led by Deward, who was skilled at construction, they added insulation to the ceiling that extended throughout the whole tub area, intended to provide sound proofing between the tub and the room above. They finished the ceiling area with wood and replaced the decaying wood in the shower. Maybe the tub was replaced that year but I can't remember. Deward had also put in an on-demand water heater at some point and radiant flooring in the house. He was like an engineer artist, and I was astonished by how thoughtful he’d been about creating the structure of his wonderful home space.
Deward was complicated. He was an introvert and needed a lot of alone time, and yet he created this healing haven shared with an immense number of people over decades. In addition to his friends saying hello when they came to tub, I remember his friend, the conductor George Cleve, stopping by and hanging out, and countless others over the years. Deward met Sippa and they married in the backyard, a small lovely ceremony. They had incredible-smelling tuber roses that were part of the bouquet and all around the house. And the house was CLEAN which was quite thrilling. I still lived at the house for a while longer as caretaker, although later I moved to Deward’s other house, next-door (in the house that creates the double-wide backyard for the tub). I was glad to still be neighbors with Deward and ended up living there for 6 years until I was extremely pregnant, and it was time to move on to a space that was a better fit for a child.
Living a private yet semi-public life meant that people weighed in all the time about Deward's choices. And sometimes Deward’s choices were really hard for people to deal with. I remember when it was first put in, the mermaid statue caused a huge stir. I know that locking the gate must’ve upset people too at first. I know some were upset about men being required to come to the tub with a woman at night, and later not being welcome at night at all. There were occasional battles on the bulletin boards about politics and culture and Deward’s responses surprised many of us who might have thought that since he was so generous and loving about creating this healing sanctuary, that he also shared our particular social/political beliefs. But Deward was part of the free speech movement and very much his own person. For me it was especially difficult that due to his beliefs Deward restricted access to the tub for some women at night, who happened to be trans, and whom he would not acknowledge as women. It was difficult to hold both Deward’s wisdom and vision about the tub and so many other things, and also see the areas where he wasn’t growing as I would have wished. I almost feel shy to name it here, but I feel that Deward wouldn’t want to have the rough parts of him erased, being difficult and contrary was part of him. I know that he was complex, immensely generous and had places of suffering inside that were yet unfinished and unhealed, as we all do. And while all this is true, the gift Deward gave was undeniable, and the good he shared with the world is immeasurable.
Deward had told me that “the vicissitudes of age” were bothering him, but when asked for more details, he would sidestep and avoid sharing further information. I wish I had been more assertive about this and found out what was really happening. I wish I could have said goodbye to him and offered a final gratitude, so many of us wish we could have. What a true original he was—brilliant, funny, passionate, quirky, hard-headed, lovable. Even though I know he’s gone, some part of me feels like Deward might just be hiding away in his room, in the midst of a really good argument on the internet, about to come out and say hello.
What a unique vision Deward had, and what magic he created and kept creating for so many years. I’m so sad that he’s gone now. I’m so grateful he was here. Thank you, thank you Deward. You were a friend like family, and I will love you always. 🙏🙏🙏
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