I have been grateful for this memorial site. I was feeling quite sad, mad and very confused. I figured I missed something, I knew she had been in the throes of intense trauma restoration these past years, maybe I didn’t know enough, do enough?   I will ebb and flow through those feeling for a while still, I know.

That said,  I am reminded and assured through everyone posting memories, stories and photos that how she lived was anything but sad! Also, her message of civic duty, unabashed fun, courage and kindness was clear, there was no confusion there. So I take solace - I know who she was and I have found footing through you all in that truth. Thank you to you all for sharing about how your lives were with our girl.🩷

I love this photo of you. I don’t know who took it. The colors are so Coseo, you glow… that necklace, I’ve always loved it on you. I can see you tilting your face towards the sun, eyes closed, nose wrinkled, that smile as you describe and feel the universe in magical ways.

I’ve spent the weekend wandering physical albums, shoeboxes under the bed, hard drives, apps and other platforms for memories of you over the past 20 years. Lacrosse, ultimate, Spring Leagues, Halloween Hats, Shuttlecocks, E-lemonators, the White Elephant debaucheries, for Laurie and Chad’s wedding (2008?) we randomly wore the same brown Prana halter sundress with a hem of embroidered flowers, whenever I wear it I’ve always thought of you… come summer, now I will more so.

Then somehow we evolved, you crushed cancer, you worked with the Governor Bullock and Senator Tester on protecting access to affordable health care, you worked to improve everything from voter access to regenerative grazing, you furthered Leadership Montana, you helped me become a county commissioner (yours are best damn, most beautiful, truly bespoke campaign signs ever), you slogged tirelessly to empower everyday folks to make the world better.

“Convey vitality”, “cultivate hope”, “envision new possibilities”, “experience joy and beauty”… that’s what you did, that’s who and what you were. I always assumed it was your why. That you took your own life is…. well, hard to understand. And then I realize it’s not my place to understand. My place is to love, celebrate and remember. I will do so heartily. Like you often told me, “Wings back and heart wide open.”

Rebecca Ramsey shared this Jack Kerouac with me from his autobiographical novel On The Road :

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"