Taylor,

I still can’t believe you’re gone. I’ve written this and deleted. Then re-written. And on and on. It’s been weeks. I guess I’m still in denial. I always thought those stages of grief were BS, but here we are. I’ve been at a loss of words for quite some time. I still am. I have so many regrets and yet some many beautiful memories too. I wish I could go back in time and tell you how much I love and cherish you. How all my formative years were blessed with you in them. How much you have made an impression on me and essentially have molded my life in such a positive light with wonderful people. You showed me amazing music that I still listen to weekly on the rotation. Your caring heart. Your weird sense of humor and quirks. All things I will never forget. All things that I will have burned in my memory forever of you.

Us selling anything and everything from lemonade, lotions, and even horrible manicures. We for some reason always wanted to be entrepreneurs but were terrible at it. We always tried though. Haha.

You taught me how to hold my breath underwater and to float on my back. You showed me Trinity, one of the most magical places on Earth. I still reminisce about us riding on the back of the Explorer getting abused and beaten by tree branches and black berry bushes. Almost falling off the bumper after hitting a big dip. Skinny dipping at midnight (and daylight). Lighting fires with tampons and nail polish remover. Water skiing and day camping. Going to the graveyard where we saw a ghostly apparition close the gate. I know we saw it! Going to Cedar Stock to dance and sing karaoke. Each of us having our first kiss at the same time with those weird boys in the RV from Sacramento.

I remember in 1st grade when you got your appendix removed around Christmas and you came back after break showing off your scar bravely. We all thought you were a bad ass. You always have been too. So brave. Artistic. Did your own thing. I always admired these things about you. Your affinity for babies and animals. We used to say we were twins a lot and made Chelsey play along and lie for us at the park when we told people.

I loved going to Portland to see the Fahertys with you every winter. Having our days and night mixed up. Loitering at the 24-hour Starbucks. Meeting boys. Getting strange with said boys. Trying to sneak into the 18+ club. Watching five movies in a row in the basement.

I remember when you got your license before me and would drive the explorer up to the mountains. We rolled that Keg down a hill so we wouldn’t get in trouble with Tiffy’s dad after we threw a rager of a party. The Keg ended up crashing into a house. Whoops. There are tons of crazy stories like this. You were always so wild and free. So fun! The ultimate definition of a free spirit. I loved that about you. I always will.

I always imagined things different for you. Hoped that our children could grow up together. You would give back to humanity doing something you loved with your brilliant mind. I always had hope that you would get there. You were so young. I wish so badly it wasn’t your time yet. I regret so many things. So many instances when I could’ve been better and showed you more love . I can’t wait until we meet again in the afterlife to have another re-do. I can’t wait until that time. Until then I will always imagine the things that will never be. Your wedding. You meeting Maggie. Us growing old together. Maybe the next lifetime you and I will get it right. Until then, I hope you can forgive me and just know how much I loved you. I will always love you Taylor Elise Tiki Rosebud. Until we meet again. 

Love,

Your Emy Demi 

Sharing his loss, Taylor's father sent me the obituary her sister Chelsey wrote about her.  Written with empathy and understanding, it is the most insightful and loving tribute a sister could ever express.  Taylor was fortunate to have Chelsey as a big sister; someone who loved her unconditionally in life and who, at the time of her passing, thoughtfully commemorated her vitality in a very beautiful way. 

Sending an ocean of love to all who knew and couldn’t help but love this very special human—particularly her family. I carry Taylor and all of you in my heart. 

Me and my girlfriend were blessed with getting to know Taylor. It may not have been long but we feel fortunate with the time we had. It was never a dull moment with her around. She always seem to amaze me with her unpredictable behavior or her humor.  She had a good heart and a fighting spirit.  We truly are thankful for her being always nice to our cats . Your truly one of a kind Taylor. No more fighting , may you finally be free and rest in peace.  Your friends Tito and  Liz...

Farewell to Tay , we will miss you .