Eulogy — Trinity Church 11.22.25

She was Love
She was Grace & Patience
She was Trust & she was Truth
She was Joy & she was Laughter

& … (I don’t feel like I get to say this about most people I’ve met)…

She was Happy.

I want to thank you all for bringing your love for our Mom here today (especially those who’ve have flown or driven from far away), but I know that mere gratitude isn’t the right sentiment. If you’re here, then you loved her — and I feel lucky to be able to stand here and look out into the eyes and faces of the souls she touched. She must have loved all of you too, and for that we love you. You are as much a part of our family as we are of yours. And if I can’t finish the rest of this— that’s enough for me.

For many of you, this may be the first time you’re visiting where my parents found such a loving community, and there might be a few of you who know I’m not really much of a church goer these days. But, I’ve been coming to this church for years— mostly around holidays, but on some lucky visits it was just a normal Sunday— always delightfully familiar, centering, and fulfilling. I love that you all take care of each other, and I know that the life she loved was because of everyone here.

Of course ironically … it was never about her.

Our mom was never one for being the center of attention, but she loved being in the center of it all. She was sometimes quiet and reserved in public, but to friends and family, she was a conversationalist— constantly engaged in the multiple and messy dialogues of our lives, yearning to know exactly what and how we were doing and how that affected our days. I’ve missed those conversations more than ever these past weeks, as she was best in the worst times. But, I’m lucky to have a wonderful family and amazing friends who stand in and keep her conversation alive. I’ve leaned heavily on those close to me because they are strong in many of the same ways she was and in many ways because of her. When I think about the great friends I’ve made in life, so many of them are subtle reflections of her— as She is what I look for in life.

As we drag ourselves into the coming weeks, I would like to share with you some things I feel I’ve learned from our Mom (not that she would ever take credit for it)

Always say “Yes”.. as much as you can— to friends & to life.
Don’t shy away from the hard stuff. You don’t have be Risky to be brave, but the ever present surprise and connection with each other is always worth the risk.

Always stay connected— “visit” often …
In person, on the phone, send a card, whatever it takes. She wore a watch so that she’d never missed a call, and she wanted all the photo updates from everyone’s events.

Always be up for the journey—
A walk, a drive, a cruise, a train, a gondola, a camel. She always wanted to go along.
Explore and ask questions. Read books and enjoy the crossword

Always have a seat at your table—
& not just during Thanksgiving… all times & at all tables. Open your doors and let life in.
I can’t count how many times she brought out another chair and plate for my friends without even blinking. She had an incredibly classy way of always treating everyone with respect and compassion

Always keep going—
She was quietly fierce and strong, and I never saw her breakdown or give up. Sometimes when we got off the phone together she’d say “Ok I’ll let you get back to your knitting” because everyone always has stuff to get done, and whether step by step or tear by tear you’ll catch up again if you just keep “doing the things”.

Always be a friend—
We grew up with a very blurred distinction between good friends and family; at some point it’s all the same. Our mom was a graceful, generous spirit and rarely had anything bad to say about anyone. If she wasn’t fond of something, she’d just say that it was “interesting” or “different”

Looking out at this complex vin diagram full of swirling tight-knit circles from her whole life I know that she would have loved to be here in a different capacity. I also see the mosaic of mothers that guided, supported, and were impacted by our mother and that continue to influence our loved ones:

Thelma Pickerell
Doris Nichols
Sarabeth Thompson
Marylee Johnston
Louise White
Caryl Lee Kennedy
Paula Stites
Barbara White
Diane Breedlove
Kathleen Phillips
Irene Hartman

Like any craft, mothering is passed on by those with experience, honed by practice and perseverance and then gifted to the next generation. Learning to mother is messy and requires community. We are so grateful for the crucial role each and every one of you played in our mother’s life. She was a GOOD mother. While she will be deeply and truly missed, her work & legacy lives on in all of us, and we look forward to her continued love and guidance in the days and years to come.  

Beyond people & experiences, here are a few other things she really loved:
A crackling fire any time of the year
Old objects that tell a story
Snowy woods & fall colors
Cheap red wine (with ice when it’s hot out)
Good chocolate in small bites

She was Joy & she was Laughter
She was Trust & she was Truth
She was Grace & Patience
She was Love