Three years. 

Today was a day of tacos (your favorite), tears, and stories about you Ian.

We think of you every day. 

Sure do miss you son.  So proud of you. 

Happy birthday, Ian! 🎉 🥳

Your memory pops up all the time, and I miss you every day. I’m not sure if the pain of losing you will ever go away, but recalling the joy, humor, and happiness of our memories has gotten a little bit easier, and little more effortless. 

I’m becoming a grief counselor because of you. I’ll be starting grad school next year, and in a few years I’ll have my license to practice therapy and help others navigate the waters of grief. I can’t wait to show you what’ll come next.

I’ll end by sharing one of my favorite memories with you. In February 2022, you and I threw a party for Mardi Gras, fondly called the Mardi Party. You helped me cook homemade jambalaya and corn bread, and we dug into my overflowing costume trunk and laid out every costume piece I owned for everyone to wear. Throughout the night, you kept switching out your costumes—trying on different Walmart quality wigs, capes, and a Glinda the Good Witch dress, but you landed on donning a vintage marching band hat that made us all laugh. We inevitably sang karaoke for at least 3 hours, and it was a classic Bookman’s party.

Thank you for all the fun you brought to everything you did. We all have treasure troves of memories because of your light and witty spirit. 

I hope you’re celebrating today. 💙

Two years. 

Sure do miss you dude. We think about you every day.  Love you so much. 

On this one year anniversary of Ian’s death, I wanted to post something here to mark it.

First of all, I want to say a huge Thank You to all of you that have been there for us. Taking us to lunch or dinner, calling, visiting, going places with us, and just being there and listening. It has truly made a huge difference and we are so grateful to you all for the kindness you’ve shown.

Thank you to everyone who has shared deeply personal memories of Ian with us. We cherish those stories and recall them often.

I would also like to thank all of those that have contributed to Ian’s memorial fund. The generosity has been overwhelming. You helped and continue to help make the world a little better in Ian’s name.

We were recently invited to a quilt pinning ceremony with the Donor Network of Arizona folks. It was a chance for loved ones to talk about the people they lost that had been organ donors and had saved lives. There were several families there. We all had different stories but our grief was much the same.

We pinned a picture of Ian to a large quilt that had other donors on it as well.

When it came my time to speak about Ian, this is what I shared:

—

While I could go on for a long time about how amazing my son Ian was, I’ll keep this brief.

First, I want to say how proud I am of my son. He grew up to be everything a man should be. He was Kind, Loving, Accepting, Loyal, Generous, Selfless, Responsible, and Brave.

He was also extremely smart, extremely sharp-witted, and, extremely hilarious.

He was a loving son and brother and a faithful friend to everyone he knew.

He loved his grandparents. And he used many of his precious vacation days to fly to Kansas to visit them, help them, and make their days a little brighter.

He was wise beyond his years.

In short, he was the best of us, and there are 4 fortunate people alive today that get the privilege of having a piece of him inside of them.

Our family has been reading a lot of stoic philosophy since Ian was taken from us.

We read a passage from the Roman Stoic Seneca the other day that really spoke to us about how Ian lived and how we should all live.

Seneca said:

“Show me that the good life doesn’t consist in its length, but in its use, and that it is possible- no entirely too common- for a person who has had a long life to have lived too little.”

Even though Ian’s life was needlessly cut short at the age of 25, he lived a very full life. He lived not “too little”; he lived a lot. He loved and was loved. He made the most of every day. He laughed hard and made others laugh too. He left an amazing legacy. And when it comes to living a “good life”, he set an example that we should all hope to emulate.

—

And now we begin the second year without Ian.

I know we aren’t the only ones missing and grieving him. He was loved by so many, and he won’t soon be forgotten by those that knew him.

As I said at the quilt pinning ceremony, I could go on and on about my son. There is much more I could say and many more memories to share, but I will save that for another day.

But I will say that as we enter this second year without him, we hope to live more and not “too little.” Because he would want us all to. 

Tony, Martha, and Valerie,

I'm holding you especially close in my prayers this week. I worked with Ian for about 9 months at Bookmans, and his passing is still so hard for me to comprehend. 

I have two daughters. The younger of the two is also named Martha, and when Ian learned that my baby was named Martha, his face lit up. He said something along the lines of, "I love the name Martha. That's my mom's name, and she's wonderful." 

His love for others (especially his mom) was evident in his day-to-day life.

My most heartfelt condolences,

Eric