I have been asked by several people who were not able to attend yesterday's celebration of Andrea's life if I could share my comments on Andrea's legacy.

Andrea’s Legacy
Good afternoon, everyone and welcome. I would like to sincerely thank all of you for being here with us today. I know your time is precious, and it means so much to our family that you have joined us here in this beautiful setting to celebrate Andrea. Many of you have travelled great distances to be here and Ben, Ryan, Brian, Shannon, Andrea’s sister Jessica, her mother Carol, and all our family deeply appreciate the effort you have made to be here to share this day with us. There are a few of Andrea’s closest friends who couldn’t join us today due to their own travel plans who have sent their wishes of love and support to us, for which we are also very thankful.

It likely comes as no surprise to those of you who know Andrea well, she was very clear about her wishes for many of the details regarding what she wanted today to be like. She didn’t want any part of a traditional funeral or any somber event of mourning, she wanted a BIG party. When I asked her just how big she was thinking, without missing a beat she shot back, “think Queen of England big, but way more fun”. Andrea wanted a celebration surrounded by purple wildflowers, people that she loved, music she loved, good food, and an open bar. She was also very specific about who she wanted to speak at this celebration, and I am so grateful that both Tom Walker and Shervanne Thomas enthusiastically agreed to honor her and grace the rest of us by sharing their thoughts and love for Andrea with you today.

Before I turn things over to Shervanne and Tom, I will do my best today to share my own thoughts with you about Andrea, her life, her essence, her impact on me personally, and honor the mantra that our kids and I have clung to as we are struggling mightily with her physical departure. “Legacy over loss.” Another thing that Andrea was very clear about, even reiterating it to me in writing on her last day, when she was no longer speak, was that she did not want any part of today to be about her battle with cancer, and I want to honor her wishes. All I will say on that subject is that Andrea was an absolute warrior…. I have been and continue to be in total awe of her strength and determination, and the courage that she mustered over the nearly 14 years that she not only survived, but thrived, living with purpose and relentless passion despite her diagnosis.

For me personally, Andrea’s passing has without question been the most heartbreaking and devastating blow that I have ever experienced. Her light, life force, energy, whatever you want to call it burned so brightly in my life and the hole that is left by her absence is crippling. As we have been struggling with this loss, our children and I have been graced by so many of you in this room with your words and actions of support, encouragement, and love, and there are no words I can manage that are adequate to express our gratitude for those of you who have reached out to us. I can assure you that I have intently read every text, card, social media post, and email you have sent… multiple times…. and have been amazed at how eloquently many of you have managed to capture the spirit and essence of Andrea in your descriptions of her. While there are far too many great examples for me to share them all, I would like to share a couple I found to be especially perfect in capturing a portion of Andrea’s essence.
First, from Andrea’s longtime friend, Laurie Quigley Saldana “We feel her loss so acutely because she was so exceptional. Her joyful giggle was infectious. Her gleeful mischief was contagious. Her heart, enormous. She enriched my life over five decades and I will always be incredibly grateful that I was among the lucky who called Andrea my friend.”

And from her longtime friend of 50 years Stacy Russell – “She was so genuine and caring and inclusive and beautiful and fun and silly. Andrea helped me believe in me. She showed me the power of motherhood. She was one of the best ones out there. I don’t think that there is a person who is more adored. Andrea was such a force, and a fierce lover of life and everyone she cared about.” – What a perfect description “a fierce lover of life and everyone she cared about.”

I have struggled to come up with my own adequate way of describing the magic that Andrea brought to my life. Simply put, Andrea was sunlight, she was beauty, she was inspiration, she was passion, she was joy, and she was my purpose. For the last twelve and a half years, she has been the absolute best friend and partner I have ever had or could even imagine. A stunning beacon of joy guiding me through life with her infectious laugh, radiant smile, and adventurous spirit. I will be eternally grateful for having the privilege to love her and to share a portion of her beautiful life’s journey.

As I have reflected over the past few weeks on what can be learned from the way Andrea approached living, there are many things that strike me as inspirational. I’ll share just a few.
First, she cultivated more deep and meaningful friendships than anyone I have ever known. She consistently made the extra effort to stay connected with friends from all phases of her life. She belonged to a book club, two hiking groups, a ladies supper club, a “hot hockey Moms” group, a Merced girls’ group, her CU besties group, a Semester at Sea 1987 group, and she was a very active participant in social activities with her friends in our surrounding community. She maintained extremely close long-distance friendships with people who she saw very infrequently. In speaking with several of you about what made her such a great friend, the common thread in your observations was her ability to make you feel loved, appreciated, and treasured. She was intentional about the time and energy that she spent strengthening the bonds you shared and cherished each of you. I am going to borrow a quote from another one of Andrea’s longtime friends from Merced, Julie Crookham Seifert, that I believe captures a piece of her legacy as a friend very well.

“I’ve always considered friendship to be among life’s greatest gifts, and I think Andrea would agree with me. She certainly had an impressive collection of friends, from all phases of life, ready to share giggles and act silly, go on an adventure, or share tips about child rearing, or how to look good as we age. It was no accident that Andrea was surrounded by loving friendships. Only good friends attract friends like she did. I was blessed with 42 years of friendship with Andrea and will never cease to be grateful.”

It is impossible to talk about Andrea and her legacy without bringing up her incredibly adventurous spirit. Andrea had an insatiable appetite for travel and adventure. This wanderlust is certainly something that is deeply engrained in her family, as her parents Jim and Carol, and sister Jessica are all similarly motived and energized by their desire to experience the broader world around us. I have been thinking about all the travelling Andrea did in just the last 12 years, and I would like to share some of that with you, not as some sort of scorecard, but as an illustration of how important this was to her and how she shared her zest for travel with loved ones.

Keep in mind this only includes her travel in the last 12 years Andrea and I have been together. There was much more in the years prior.

Andrea went to Italy and Hawaii five time each. She travelled to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico three times, Costa Rica, Canada, and The Bahamas twice each, and she travelled to Spain, Argentina, Uruguay, Switzerland, Bali, Indonesia, Turks & Caicos, St. Johns, and the British Virgin Islands. Those are just the trips outside of the U.S. mainland.

Within the mainland, I can think of 16 different states she travelled to, highlighted by eight different journeys to various parts of Montana, a place that held a special place in her heart and one that she and I intended to relocate to.

What is more remarkable than just the number of places that she managed to get to (all while somehow holding down a job and remodeling three homes) was how many of us either travelled with her or met up with during her adventures. In looking at the guest list for today, I counted 97 of you who have either travelled with Andrea or met up with her during the course of her travels. That is truly remarkable. Andrea often combined her love of travel and adventure with her two favorite activities, skiing and hiking. This past ski season was our most fun in years, not because she was able to ski in so many great locations but because she skied with so many of her family and friends, including Brian and Kim Sperry, Scot and Nancy Harris, Jim and Phyllis Chrisman, Brad and Cheryl Ludford, Lisa Bellamy, Ben, Brian, Ryan and Xiomara as well as seven of her Semester at Sea friends from 1987; Kelly Renwick, Jessica Seabern, Linda Toth, Kelly Vikland, Susan Ochs-Scher, Lara Beebower, and Leslie Doyle. And just last summer, Andrea shared a memorable hiking adventure in the Dolomites of northern Italy with friends Kim Sperry, Heather Fleck, Phyllis Chrisman, Brenda Sears, Alicia Guera, Nicole and Haley Ridley, and Melodie Harris
The memories that she created with so many of us during our travels together are precious and I treasure the many magical experiences Andrea and I shared exploring this planet together. It isn’t by accident that her travels included so many of you here today and I hope those of you who were fortunate enough to travel with her and get caught up in her contagious enthusiasm and zeal for exploring new places will keep those memories alive in your hearts as you continue in your own travels and adventures. Exploration and discovery were truly a calling and passion of hers that is also no doubt a significant part of her legacy.

There are many other components of Andrea’s essence that I could go on about; She was an imaginative gardener who spent hours planting and tending to flowers, shrubs, and trees. A voracious reader who had a keen eye for high quality works of literature. An accomplished runner who completed two marathons and multiple other relays with good friends, and she was most definitely “THE cool Mom” to many of our children’s friends, several of whom have described her as a “second Mother” to them.

As I think of this mantra “legacy over loss”, I have tried to capture what I learned from my co-pilot seat over the last twelve years of her life and our journey together and how I can best honor Andrea and her legacy in my own actions as I attempt to navigate moving forward without her inspiring presence beside me. There are a few answers that appear to be obvious. I can make a much stronger effort to reach out to friends, family, and former colleagues from all phases of my own life. Andrea was the best at this that I have ever seen, which is likely one of the reasons why there are so many of you here today. There are other simple changes like laughing more, smile more, be less serious in general. These were “gentle” suggestions that Andrea gave me from time to time anyway.

Another way to honor her legacy would be to find a charity or worthy cause that is deeply personal and meaningful to me and throw my time and energy toward it (as she did), or not letting aches and pains or any future illness ever prevent me from doing any of the things I enjoy. Andrea never let physical challenges stop her from doing the things she loved, no matter how hard it was for her.

I think the most meaningful way to honor her legacy will be to make sure that our family that Andrea loved so dearly continues to experience life together, supporting each other along the way. What does that mean? It can mean simple things like celebrating birthdays, accomplishments, and holidays. It definitely means continuing to travel and explore the world together. Andrea did not accept the idea that “life can get in the way” of planning these adventures, likely because she had a deep understanding of the value of the memories that are created from common experience and adventure. Andrea was the planner, the instigator, the motivator. It’s now up to the kids and I to take what she taught us and commit to not just being passengers on the “Andrea Express”, but to honor her legacy in a way that would mean so much to her.

When Andrea and I made the decision to create our so called blended family, our hope was that we could not only grow and thrive in the love that we had for each other, but if everything worked well, we could enhance our children’s lives by expanding their family, by adding brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and other family members who would love them and be there for each other for the rest of their lives.

As I reflect on how Andrea and I hoped that leap of faith would play out, I can say with great certainty that largely because of Andrea’s love and inspiration, Brian, Shannon, Ben, and Ryan have in each other true siblings whom they love, and they will be there for each other in the most meaningful way through the inevitable ups and downs that life will throw at them. That is clearly evident to me in how they have loved and supported each other through the trauma of the last six weeks. I want each of you to know that she is so proud of you. For me, In Ben and Ryan, I have two additional sons whom I love as though they were my own and I will continue to show up for them in every way possible, not just to honor Andrea’s wishes, but because it is equally important, enriching, and meaningful to me. Andrea was the heart and soul that brought us together and she created the environment that allowed us to become one family. This family, created out of our love for each other and our children, represents a very large piece of Andrea’s legacy.

For all of you here today, I hope you either have or will reflect on how you can keep Andrea’s spirit alive in your own life. As you share your favorite memories of Andrea with each other today, I hope you will consider how you can live with more of the passion and love for life that Andrea personified. I hope you will strike up a conversation today with someone you don’t know at all, and perhaps add someone new to your own circle of friends. That’s what Andrea would do.

I have tried to imagine what Andrea might say to us if she could join me on this stage for a moment. I think she would say something like this “I miss you all so much. I want you to do me a big favor. You need to live and love each day like it’s your last because one day it will be. Besides, it’s way more fun and I want you to have more fun. I don’t want you to have regret. You won’t regret taking chances, you won’t regret telling those you love how much you love them; you won’t regret showing up for each other. That’s what love does; it shows up. You have the chance to show up and love each other every day, please don’t waste it. Live the life you want to live with the people who fill you up with joy, love, and laughter. Figure out what makes you happy and go do it. Do it right now.” I also think she would likely turn to me and say, “Sweetie would you please hurry up and finish because I really want to hear what Shervanne is going to say.”

I would like to close my comments by sharing a beautiful example of how someone is keeping Andrea’s legacy or spirit alive. I believe this is exactly the type of impact on us Andrea desperately hoped that her fierce passion and love of life would leave in its wake. I also know it would make Andrea especially happy that these comments came from someone from the next generation. just a couple of days after Andrea passed away Khaki Fleck left the following note for the kids and I in which she shared:

“I have been carrying Andrea’s “hell yes” attitude with me all week and in doing so I’ve connected with people I don’t often speak to; I’ve discovered new trails in my neighborhood, and I’ve had more special moments with my favorite people. Andrea is and always will be one of a kind.”

One of a kind indeed. The fiercest lover of life and the people she cares about. A force of nature, an unstoppable whirlwind of love, energy, and enthusiasm for living. Thank you, Andrea, for sharing your beautiful soul with us. Thank you for inspiring me, for loving me, for having faith in me, for shining your own special brilliant sunshine on my life, and for showing me how to love and live with purpose and heart. I will treasure each day we spent together and honor your life and memory always.

And now, as we all gather to celebrate Andrea’s life, let’s keep her words, her spirit, and her zest for life close to our hearts. She would want us to cherish each moment and continue to spread love and joy with each other today and always.

Thank you.