When I came back to LA, I came to connect with my family. This is when I really got to know Ali. When Ali was introduced to me years earlier, he appeared to me to be a very humble, kind, and clearly physically strong man. I had not spent much time in LA, and I had left LA to work as a Flight Attendant for many years. My parents were exceptional in that they had friends from many ethnic and racial backgrounds. So, when I went to college out here it was normal that I had friends from so many different backgrounds and walks of life. I had some pretty good Persian friends, like Ali. At UCLA, unfortunately, I experienced some of the racial/ethnic animosity of the 90's studying with those Iranian friends and the OJ trial at our doorstep. They were great students that stook together. But, it was almost as if that because they did not fit into the traditional, or historically discriminated groups, some people would openly say hateful or discriminatory things about them. I was that "Italian" guy that hung out with them. So, one day, while studying in the Medical Library, we walked into a study area, where someone had written up high in large print, "Persian men are all wanna be Italians!!" My Persian friends didn't even complain. If there was any truth to that stereotype, it was that Persians did dress nice, like Italians do, in fashion terms. And, Persians share similar some facial features with Italians. But, one stereotype of Italians, that I and they were more than aware of, was the stereotyping of Persian and Italian men's sexuality. I had heard it so many times, that Italian men are like this and Persian men are like that. Even Persians would tell me about that stereotype. For example, while working at UCLA, one of my manager's went off on me saying, "you remind me of the typical Italian man, that thinks that he can do whatever he wants." He said it without remorse in front of other administrators. No one apologized. I had never had an actual conversation with him. He did not even know me. One time he had seen me flirt with a beautiful African-American lady. I made two comments or questions, and she broke out in a big smile after each. Otherwise, his good friend was a lady, who would make comments to me or about me of a similar nature, without me even responding. Other employees would comment about how she was full of hate, directed at men. I did not participate in that type of comment about her then. In reality, partially due to shyness, I did not really date at UCLA. I had friends I studied with, male and female. We were pretty focused on studies, and none of my Persian friends had ever dated when I met them. In fact, I had a large group of Persian friends, and a large group of Latino friends. But, they were all pretty studious. I can remember one good Anglo friend asking me to set him up, but he was surprised to hear me say no because they were focused on their studies. What I am saying here is just the tip of the iceberg wrt these experiences, and it was actually very representative of my experience, and my experience with Persian men. All this prepared me to understand Ali better, how he was the great man he was, and who I think he was to my sister. My sister grew up with this curiosity and love of diverse cultures, that I believe I have also. She saw Ali for what he was, a great man. So, when I came back to LA, and came to their house I saw this in detail. For example, Ali had brought in a variety of animals to take care of. I remember thinking this is like Noah's Ark. There were cats, a dog, birds and other animals. For each animal, Ali took me with him to feed and gave me a story of empathy of how to best treat them. He explained how the dog and cats grew up together. So, they were like siblings, and played together, and he gave explanations in human terms. He also explained people's actions in a similar calm manner. And, he always tried to bring me into the conversation, wherever we met. If there was something my sister was doing he didn't like or understand, he would ask me about it. It was as if he was too humble to trust his own opinion, sometimes. Other times, honestly, it seemed like he was set on thinking one way about things, and no one could really change his mind. No matter how much we disagreed about any particular topic, though, he would compliment me to his friends. He had friends wherever we met. He might compliment me and also through in a jab, that Tony is smart but he is wrong about the vaccine, etc.. A jab, but always with love and admiration. Like me, he was passionate about constantly listening to ideas about the way world works, often in the form of the news or documentaries. We would just listen to different ones. When he would mention instances when he was possibly treated unfairly, he saw it in the context of knowing of many other things that happen in this world. And, he would thank God, that he was so fortunate, compared to so many others. This is often the perspective of many immigrants, who come here and work hard, knowing of harder times. Just the things Ali told me in casual conversation, would be enough to write a MeToo book about. However, part of his humble self-sacrificing demeanor included never wanting to stand out and get that type of attention. So many people are like that, he, as a result of his upbringing, as a character trait of persisting humility, and in the role of a Persian man who puts his family first. Even his flaws showed this bias. If he was ever wrong about something, in my eyes, it tended to be something worrying about someone else's welfare, such as Sylvie or his sons. When he knew there was a chance he would not make it, he did not ask about his own health in his last days. He repeatedly told me to take care of everyone in the family, Sylvie, his sons and everyone else. That was his concern. One way I hope to do this is to not shy away from telling the beautiful truth about him, in an honest context. I asked Sylvie if being so honest was at all awkward. She said it is what Ali would have wanted.
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