For those who may not know, I was adopted at the age of 12 in 1977. I had only met them a few times before moving in, and as you could imagine, it’s very odd to move in to a new home, in a new town, and a new school, and be with people you don’t know well, and start calling them Mom and Dad. It didn’t take me long to call Kay “mom”, but for Dad it was different. I was raised in an all girl house, for most of my childhood, where Dad's were not a real part of my life. A few months went by, and I just was so scared to call him Dad for the first time. The longer I waited the more ungodly awkward it became. I guess I was waiting for him to tell me I could call him “Dad”, and he was giving me time to acclimate and felt I’d start calling him Dad when I was ready. I remember standing outside his watch room several night, scared to death, nervous to go in and talk to him about it. He kept saying to me “Edie, do you need me for something”……. And I’d pace and say No. This went on for what seemed like forever, until he finally one night he came out, sat down, and said “ Hey Kid, what’s wrong?” By the end of the conversation, we were both crying and hugging and from that point on, he was forever my dad. Through the good and the bad.
That was the first of a million of special conversations with my Dad where he made me feel safe and comfortable, and that I could say anything and it would be okay. It was also the first of millions of times of hearing him say to me “Hey kid or Hey Kiddo”, which now, I will miss more than I can ever express. Thank the Lord for cell phones and saved voicemails.
Dad had a deep respect for Family and made it a top priority throughout his life.
I loved our weekend trips to Chalmers/Reynolds to have breakfast with Great Grampa Wilbur and Grampa and Gramma Smith at the Green Gable restaurant. Jon and I drove up there last summer so I could show him the area. Dad thought that was cool.
There were also frequent trips to Lafayette from Wabash to spend time with Gramma Schrader and Dad’s siblings and spouses out at the cottage playing spoons and cards, or gathered in Gramma Schrader’s kitchen eating tons of food and her amazing German potato salad. It would be loud, with laughter and talking and I loved every second of that feeling of being part of a big family.
It was at one of these family events, that I saw my Dad cry for the very first time on December 8, 1980 with the news that John Lennon had been killed.
For a few years, after I moved in, we would have Thanksgiving at my Aunt Jane and Uncle Bruce’s who owned a Christmas tree farm in northern Indiana. My first year with the family, I was so excited to pick out a big beautiful Christmas tree. I had never had a real tree before. We always had a silver aluminum tree with the 4 colored circular light underneath. After dinner, we were off on the hunt for the perfect tree. We walked through rows and rows of beautiful pine trees. It was a cold day and there was a light snow falling, and I remember how absolutely beautiful it was. Y’know, One of those memories that’s almost like a snapshot in our mind. One that you know in that moment, that you will never forget……. Mom and Dad walking in front on me, hand and hand looking, just like me, for the perfect first tree for our first christmas as a new family, and then I heard my Dad say.. there it is,Kay, that one’s perfect. I looked at this beautiful, tall, perfectly shaped tree, with long needles and it smelled so good standing in front of us, and I thought yes, it is indeed perfect, Dad. Then the feeling of excitement changed to horror and shock when he bent down in front of the ugliest tree I had ever seen standing next to the most perfect tree and he started cutting it down. It was lopsided, it was leaning, it had huge bare spots and not at all what I had imagined. I honestly thought they were pulling my leg. However, they were not. I’m sure the look of confusion was easily readable on my face, and My Dad said, we pick the ugliest tree and we make it beautiful. You just wait and see, kid!!! Needless to say, I was a bit disappointed, and could not even begin to imagine how that tree was going to be anything but ugly.
We went home and my mom pulled out all sorts of materials, beads, glitter, and she blew out the inside of eggs, and we spent the weekend creating ornaments, some of which we still have today on their tree. When we completed putting on the old and new ornaments and added garland, strings of popcorn and cranberries and lights, it was just like you see in Charlie Brown Christmas show……… it was the most beautiful tree ever. In fact, it touched me so much, that I carried on that tradition for many years with my 2 boys, and as I look back at that memory, it really exemplifies, so much of what my Dad believed in, and how I felt for so many years.
He saw beauty and potential in what others would look past. That not everything that is shiny and new is as good as it appears, that sometimes the old and used will last a lifetime with care. Hard work, effort, determination can get you anywhere. That the purely simple way of living brings great joy and closeness. That money and material things don’t mean anything compared to helping others, teaching others, seeing the beauty in nature and in building relationships with those you love.
In many ways, I’ve always felt like that ugly tree. Flawed in so many ways, but praying to be picked for all that you are and for all that you can potentially be…..Who adopts a 12 year old little girl who came with so much emotional turmoil? Mom and Dad had NO idea what may lie ahead with all that I had been through, but Dad told me numerous times, that as they looked through the pictures of those in needing adopted, that the minute he saw my big brown eyes and big smile, that he knew I was the one. I can’t tell you how that made me feel. They saw in me, that broken, scared, and confused girl, something special, beautiful, and had no doubt that with time, hard work, effort, and love, that they were going to provide me every opportunity to shine bright in this world just like that ugly Christmas tree. That’s the kind of person, my Dad was always seeing the potential and inner beauty of those around him. Faith that in time, just like that tree, you’d come out in the end a much better version of your original self. He wasn’t only that way with his children, but with his hundreds of students over the years.
My Dad was my best friend, my biggest supporter, my biggest ass kicker, and my constant. And yeah, I’ll admit, sometimes my biggest irritation. But, now I learn how to move forward without him. He helped teach and guide me, he advised me, gave me confidence, was beyond proud of me, and thanks to my Dad, I no longer feel like that lonely ugly tree, that people pass by without a second glance….
. The last 4 years, have allowed me to give back some of what my Dad gave to me all of these years. I adored him, I’d do anything for him, and I pray that I served my parents well, when they needed me most. I am blessed to have been able to help and be there through it all.
To you, my partner in life, Jon, I cant think you enough for walking this road with us. For being there, for being a confidant to my Dad, for giving him every ounce of respect and dignity, for being a bright light to him, for being his protector, his angel, and for dropping everything anytime he or Mom needed anything. Thanks for making my Mom giggle, and making her smile. Thank you for helping my Mom with the garden that they so loved. It Just proves that I found a man who loves me just like my Dad did……. what a wonderful man you are and a true friend to My DAd. I love you.
And to you my Dad I am forever proud to be Schrader’s kid……… and btw, the first woodpecker you sent last week was pretty impressive, I’m sure looking forward to seeing what you do next visit!