Free Grief Support - Loss Of A Spouse | Ever Loved

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I am 36 years old and I just recently watch as my husband was gunned down in front of me here in n Topeka Kansas. What makes it so much worse is I feel like there were things I should have taken as signs that something was coming and I didn't. Like that my husband had found a ring at the car wash just days before he was murdered. The ring said" be prepared" and inside the band was the number 6. My husband was Topekas 6th homicide this year. Warning maybe. Or how about the fact that less than 12 hours before he was murdered he was pulled over and a cop told him right in front of me that an air soft gun was gonna get him shot and killed and bam less than 12 hours later he's dead. To many signs. Why didn't we listen.

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Shalom dear one,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was 38 at marriage and 41 entering into widowhood. There's nothing to compare to this loss. No matter how our mind 'makes it real' and no matter how we define the word 'coincidence', the reality of life stolen by death is a great weight. The loss of my best friend and husband 18yrs ago still brings weighty thoughts and memories. May all of your memories be pleasant. The recent loss of my dearest friend and assistant pastor has re-weighted my heart and like you, I've struggled with thoughts of how I could have helped the situation to end differently. Well, God came to see about me and by His grace I shared with an old friend and was finally able to grieve my friend and release to God that I cannot replace myself as God in the lives of my friends and loved ones so I must - with God's help practice the Serenity Prayer...
God grant us the Serenity
to accept the things we cannot change;
Courage to change the things we can;
and Wisdom to know the difference.
May The Peace of God which passes all understanding guard your heart and your mind and comfort your soul and your spirit.
Shalom Shalom dear one.
L.Naomi Morris

I thank you for your words of wisdom. As the time has passed it has gotten a little easier. But not much as i still find myself almost every single day feeling aa tho im having a mental brake down. Today was probably one of the worst in a while. I was walking home carring my small puppy and I foumd myseld sitting on the side of the road sobbing at the thought that hes gone. I can't seem to get my emotions into check.

Dear Megan
You have a Great Shepherd.... He is your Creator and He adores you! He made life before He made you and He knows all about the things that happen in our lives. What we understand and what we don't understand. He taught me (just recently actually) that our EMOTIONS are OUR SERVANTS. Joy, Sorrow, Peace, Anxiety, etc. etc. I have pondered on this concept ever since He first told it to me. Then I read "MAAT". I didn't focus on the religious stuff -- just the truth and the extremely thought provoking concepts which MAAT presents; they reminded me of the things which The Creator taught me. For instance... (http://www.aasorlando.org/11laws.htm)

(#1 You were made in the likeness of a peace that nothing can disturb. Reclaim your peace that you may attain to your reason for coming into existence � the enjoyment of life.)

Precious one do not fight with your emotions.... Allow you and them to TAKE HOLD of each other and walk together instead of stepping in a boxing or wrestling ring. They will serve you very well if you can patiently teach them your likes, dislikes, wants and needs. BeFriend them. Stop treating them like an enemy and treat them like your best buddy - like your precious puppy who you love generously and train firmly. You tell SORROW when its ok to visit. It only comes to help you release thoughts pent up inside your heart....and its ok. This visitor is just as much a part of you as is PEACE.

#2 Your nature is unconquerable peace, therefore nothing or no one in the world can be against you. All experiences come to you to promote your reclamation of peace, that you may in turn acquire wisdom and spiritual power.

When puppy does what it should not you do not invite peace join you in the correction process... you visit with SOBERNESS because puppy needs to know you mean business and that there are consequences for wrong choices and rewards for right choices. You need no longer check your emotions - just understand their purposes and like children you are the one responsible to direct what you understand.

PLEASE FORGIVE MY DELAYED RESPONSE. MOM WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND I'VE BEEN SUPER BUSY. Thanks for your time and openness.

You are STRONG (for yourself) You are PATIENT (with yourself) You are PEACE (within yourself) all for you and for those whom you love and care for.... teaching them by your own example that our emotions are gifts from God to be used when we choose for them to serve us :-) as friends and servants not as enemies or burdens.
Some things in life we are made aware of not to change those things but to simply know and prepare ourselves for their arrival and the experiences those circumstances bring into our lives.

Hugs
Shalom
L. Naomi Morris

I thank you for your words of wisdom. As the time has passed it has gotten a little easier. But not much as i still find myself almost every single day feeling aa tho im having a mental brake down. Today was probably one of the worst in a while. I was walking home carring my small puppy and I foumd myseld sitting on the side of the road sobbing at the thought that hes gone. I can't seem to get my emotions into check.
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Hi Megan I understand exactly what your going through as my husband was killed in an ATV accident so there calling it when in reality he was not I'm not able to say anything since the police were obviously apart of it and it was organized to the point that I actually believe my husband knew it was going to happen. He started distancing himself from us I have 3 boys at home with me.. but every time that man got on his ATV the baby was right there with him. The day he died was the first day he didn't take the baby.... Then his driver license miraculously ended up in the hands of some random female whom offered to bring my ATV back to my house for me not only that but she says the id ws given to her by the officer on the case who put my husband into the hospital as a John doe . I think they kept him from getting on the hello outer longer than neccisary thinking he was some low life guy cuz he had tattoos he was a super intendant of a shop and a reputable man in society it's complete bull shit that ppl get sterio typed based off shit like that. So me and God have problems rn I'm 28 years old with 3 kids my husband's life insurance policy got voided and now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to survive without him . Everyday is a struggle as I don't have that person next to me fighting the world with me like we did . I tell the baby that god had to take daddy cuz daddy was a stronger man than anyone else and he needed him to fight with him to win the war over evil. Idk how else to make it seam barrable for a 1 year old to loose his daddy. It's insane but here I am still falling apart and freaking out every single day begging whatever higher power there is up there to trade me places cuz my soul mate is the person who deserved to watch these kids grow he tried so hard to be the best man he could for us and to no evil as he died at age 50 to some low life scum that hopefully will be destroyed over the thought of what they did to an innocent baby and 2 teenage boys. By taking the life of a man who didn't do anything wrong but go to work and back abs provide love sorry and shelter to his family.. I understand your feeling of loss and your options and how likely it is to randomly break down in the street I have no friends no family nothing but me and my boys now and it's shit hard to do it but we have to keep fighting cuz it's what they would want we have to smile because all they wanted was for us to be happy and to see us succeed in life so I push through and force myself to be better every single day to prosper and work harder than I did the day prior. You got this girl just cuz we're crazy doesn't mean we can't be the best there is. I think it's because I'm crazy that I've never it as far as I haven't in life with the cards I was delt..


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