Free Grief Support - Loss Of A Spouse | Ever Loved

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Rudy and I were married 19 years. And although we didn't live with each other all of the 19 years. We always stayed in touch. And we had an honest adult relationship. And I accepted Rudy the way he was. And Rudy always told me you'll always be number 1 Gorda. At first I didn't realize what Rudy meant by that. But I soon realized. My husband liked to be with other women. So I in turn accepted my husband and his choices. And it made our married life more acceptable and more loving and more exciting. Rudy loved me I know he did. By his actions towards me. The way he would smile when we would see each other. And we enjoyed the times we had together. But his passing was so sudden I couldn't believe he was gone. Rudy had just come to Phoenix where I live and he was going to stay here in Phoenix. I was so happy and I felt in my heart. Now that we are older. I want us to be together comfort each other. And finish out our lives together. Rudy had COVID a month before he came to Phoenix. And he had a bad cough he still needed rest. The place I was living at the time. Wouldn't allow Rudy to come live with me. We both understood this and Rudy was going to live in a Christian based home until we could be together. But that didn't happen. A few mishaps and Rudy ended up at his older brothers home. And Rudy went back to California and he passed away a few days later. And I didn't get to give him a service. And I'm very sad that I was left out of any plans his grown children and family made for my husband. And that hurt me deeply. My heart is broken. And I didn't get to say goodbye. And that hurts me very much that his family and children lied to me. That I would be included in Rudy's service. And that was a lie. People don't realize when they just dismiss a grieving widow and didn't tell me. He didn't even have a service.

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I'm very sorry for the loss of your love, Rudy. I am grieving for my sole mate of 52+ years. The tears dystopia when I see something that he was working on or a hobby. I feel so empty. But I have to keep going and so do you.

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I know how you both hurt. It is unbearable at times. I pray for us all. It is a cruel world at times.

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Some days I am so functional. I get things done. I make appointments. I clean my apt. And I do laundry. And other days like today. I don't want to clean. I couldn't leave my apt for any reason. But I did color my hair. The grey hair was growing in so fast. I thought, should I let it grow out? I decided that no, my hair is almost to my waist. And "I" like it blue black. I had been debating if I would divorce. Then I felt guilty when Rudy died. But I've been wanting to have my maiden name back.

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♥️

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