I have been very stoic all of my life, and have absorbed the loss of my mom and my dad, my wonderful father-in-law who died tragically when he was hit by a car while crossing the street, and my mother-in-law who passed less than 2 months before my wedding day.
But nothing has been as devastating than the shocking loss of our first grandson just before delivery. We are devastated, but I am particularly concerned for my son who is now nursing his new bride back to life. Even more so, I am terribly concerned for my daughter-in-law who is so fragile at this time. No word can console her. Two weeks ago, we had the most wonderful remote baby shower.
Although I am old enough to know that this world can be a very cold place, I have always gone out of my way to extend my hand to anyone who might need it. I have always been there to offer a word of kindness and support to everyone, and tangible help to even perfect stranger. However, I have found that at times like this people might actually turn the other way when you need them the most, because everybody needs somebody sometimes.
The grieving mom and dad are not ready now to engage the world, or to participate in anything. I am planning the funeral and making all burial arrangements. I have established a memorial on this site for my grand son, along with the Baby Miles Fetal & Birth Injury Memorial Foundation, Inc.
I would be most thankful if anyone from this forum would pay a visit to Baby Miles' memorial and leave a kind note, a word of wisdom for the grieving, or make a donation to help with funeral and burial arrangements, which I found have skyrocketed since I buried my mom just a few years ago. Any funds raised from this effort will also go to help launch the foundation whose goal is to support medical research and education to prevent fetuses, babies, and mothers from becoming casualties of the absence of medical knowledge or poor standard in healthcare practices, or the lack of proper medical treatment thereof.
This is my first online memorial, and therefore I will welcome any suggestion or idea that can help us celebrate our baby's legacy. Here is a link to our baby's online memorial on this site: https://everloved.com/life-of/miles-winfield/.
You can contribute here in any amount at all: https://everloved.com/life-of/miles-winfield/donate/?flow=201.
With great appreciation,
Catastrophic death in utero of my beloved first grandson, Baby Miles.
Posted by Marie Yolette Winfield on April 19, 2021, 7:52 a.m. PDT
Im so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with the mother! When i was scrolling down i seen something about baby miles and i thought it was for me you see i had twins on april the 12 2021 miles and miley a boy and girl well miley died on june 23 2021 and when i seen baby miles i thought some one had made a mistake and accidentally out miles instead of miley but its hard to deal with this kinda thing especially for ys moms its like we carry these babies for nine months so were already attached and before there even born you dam near plan there whole lifes never in my life was i expecting to lose a child i had alot of complications during my pregnancy my babies where almost two months early they were in nicu for weeks so when they over came all that from the birth to the hospital home i thought i was in the clear then one day i wake up and my baby is not breathing she’s literally a gray kinda color and her body was cold i freakee out i tryed to give her cpr until the ambulance came then they pronounced her dead at the hospital my poor baby i replay it and replay it in my head coukd i have done anything diffrent i didnt do anything out of the ordinary but i still feel like its my fault i wish i could take her place but i still have 3 other kids to take care of and im struggling with even that right now anyways im sorry for your loss
It was heart-breaking to read your comment. Thank you for taking the time to leave it for me. This is not the kind of thing you can get used to or get over. It is one of the most traumatic events that I can imagine. But it did not have to happen. There was some gross negligence on the part of the obstetrician. But so far all we got is apologies and a promise that some changes will be made. When my son called me at 2:45 in the morning and told me what happened, I was devasted for my first grandchild, Miles, but my heart sank at the thought of what my son and my daughter-in-law were going through. The new mom was in critical condition with skyrocketing blood pressure for a week following delivery. They spent a week with me, and they seem to be doing a little better now. They are trying to get pregnant again. I think she's very brave. I was sure that after this experience she would be traumatized by any thought of being pregnant again.
I felt particularly bad about this part you wrote"
" i still feel like its my fault i wish i could take her place but i still have 3 other kids to take care of and im struggling with even that right now anyways im sorry for your loss."
None of this is your fault, and I am certain that you did whatever that you could have done. We definitely have something in common. Imagine that! I hope you will find some peace in knowing that your baby is back with the Creator to live eternally. Few things are certain, but this is one of the things in life that we can believe.
Please keep in touch, and feel free to reach out to me if you ever need a shoulder to lean on.
With my unconditional love,